Ramblings 3
Nothing new, same issues . I miss the people here. I have been really struggling the last few months. I have been really trying and it seems like I am going back instead of forward.
YYY
@Tinywhisper11
I will start by saying ❤️I love you ❤️ ❤️Infinite hugs ❤️.
I am beginning to see that I am a bad influence on you with my writings. So , as much as it hurts me to say this. Maybe you should avoid reading my writings or I should stop writing.
Either way , I’m sorry for causing you pain, once again. My honesty is not my super power. It is obviously a curse.
I have become quite fond of you and I will miss you. ❤️
To bring up a touchy subject, I grew to trust you with everything about me. You are beyond special, you have a gift of beauty, endless love, internal strength that no normal human has , kindness, and compassion, empathy and so much more that only a true angel could have. You are a wonderful gift that you share with everyone around you. Don’t ever change, especially by the mere words of someone like me. Stay strong, and don’t ever make the same mistakes I have. ❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami 🙁 no please don't do this🙁 your honesty is your superpower and I love you for that ❤ I was just overthinking yesterday, I was upset before your answer, and I just needed to cry it out alone, that's kinda my way to cope with things, it gives me time to be alone and think ❤ and after crying I realised that I want to trust people, I like to trust people. I have no reason to be dishonest just like you don't🙂 ❤ so I'm gonna continue giving everyone a chance, and try to learn from others as much as I can ❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami if anyone hurt anyone, it was my fault, I upset you😥 and I'm really sorry our friendship means the world to me ❤ and I completely trust you too, it's just I live in my own little bubble, and I didn't think to stay to explain myself last night, I'm really sorry I never meant to hurt you, or make you question yourself🙁 the last thing I want to do is hurt you in any way. I gotta start thinking and tell people what I'm doing and why, before I say things
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I'm sorry I didn't realise till now, what I did, or how badly I effected you, please forgive me. Please talk to me. I didn't have a conversation with anyone for 18 years, I'm still learning. 🙁 I'll try my best to be more clear with my words. Please
@Iamwhoiamwhoami please read my messages, please talk to me, please forgive me
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I just read your prayer for me🙂😭😭 you are my best friend, I love you so much ❤
@Iamwhoiamwhoami iam sweetie, this is your safe place. Not mine, if you want me to stop coming here, then I will. But I'll never stop being your friend or l oving you ❤🙂 but I will understand, so just say the word, and we will part, but still as friends🙂
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I just want to know your ok, before I leave
@Tinywhisper11
I don’t want you to leave, I want you to live. I overreact when it comes to my judgement of my own actions and that includes my writings.
❤️ I love you ❤️ and I think that helps to exaggerate my judgement of myself and my interactions with you and the others.
With everything that you’ve been through I try and be very careful of my words. And you brought up questions of trust and how it relates to you and me. We may be alike in a lot of ways, however our early years were packed full of traumas that affected us in different ways. How we coped then and now are different as well, So trust becomes a very delicate and tricky and complex thing that we all handle differently.
I only wish the best for you and when you asked that question I was already fearful of leading you towards a decision about yourself that I can’t answer for you.
I never expect you to apologize for being you. You handled the situation the way you felt you needed to. You are not wrong for doing so.
❤️❤️Huge hugs❤️❤️I love you ❤️❤️
@Iamwhoiamwhoami ok ❤❤
@Tinywishper11 You've faced so much evil in your life but then you also found love and through all that you chose to keep kindness and love in your heart. That honestly feels like a miracle.
I'm sure your heart's always been full of love even when people around you were empty and mean and when you found caring people you decided to trust. There's nothing wrong in trusting someone, trust can heal so many wounds. Trust to give is a decision that requires a lot of courage cause it's like giving someone a chance to hurt or love you. I hope your kindness, love and trust is always reciprocated.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami has been through a lot as well. People he trusted betrayed him and instead of being angry at those people for breaking his trust, he chose to be more hurt and upset at himself for trusting those people<3 I kinda do relate to that.
This kind of anger or hurt soon turns to a distrust in self, distrust in our ability to judge people or situations. So even when the heart wants to trust and open up, the mind makes it a lot difficult to break through that wall of fear. It's alright to want to protect your heart. Despite being a person with so much love and kindness, the walls he build to protect his love and kindness made his inner world dark.
But I see that with your love and support he has come to trust you fully ^^ that is such a sweet thing to see. I'm sure it took a lot of courage for him to open like that.
You both are making each other feel the kind of love that you both always deserved. He may be wary of others but you are someone he can trust with his eyes closed <3
( sorry if I said something wrong Iam, please do correct me if I did <3)
@BlueDarkAurora @Tinywhisper11
Thank you Blue for your help in explaining trust and how it relates. I wish I could have explained it the way you just did .
Tiny , after we started the discussion on trust and after you started to cry and needed a break. I had my own personal experiences that I reacted to the situation to and I needed to deal with them as well.
There is no fault, no blame for anything that anyone thinks may or may not have happened.
I have too many failures on my record. I’m always expecting my failure in any aspect of my life at any given time. My expectations of my failure grasped onto my failure to explain the topic well enough and that that miscommunication causing you extreme distress instead of giving you a little relief from your own feelings of distrust. I understand your battles with it all too well, I never intend to give anyone answers to any struggles that they are experiencing, I only intend to try and give insight into my struggles with similar experiences and how I may or may not have handled them. Always trying to remind both of us that I can only speak in regards to how things relate to me.
I know trust and its relation to traumas in my life is a very fragile thing . Trust is a very debilitating issue, especially when I think someone has broken that trust. My experiences with this and with what little I know about you and your experiences, what I do know is enough to know that trust is a very fragile part of your life as well.
I have many personal reasons for why I got very scared and concerned about you yesterday. I’m guessing something happened for you to question trust in your own life or maybe something here . That is none of my business, but you are my friend and I trust you completely. I am new to friendship and love and I am don’t fully understand how it relates to me and my actions. But my concern about you and my fears of failure in everything I do or say exaggerates my worries about you when I overthink what is happening with you when I can’t physically see you. My fears take things to the extreme.
That is why I mentioned that your friends if they choose to help, can help you decide whether my writings as negative as they are might not be a helpful thing considering what you have been through, and continue to go through.
I always am scared of my darkness and my lack of social skills saying something that creates anything negative inside of you, anything that makes you feel anything negative or triggering past experiences, just anything that hurts you in any way.
I know that you struggle with a lot of things inside of you along with your constant physical distress. I deal with a lot of internal and physical distress as well. I know somewhat how things affect me and that affects my reactions to any thoughts that I have created a negative reaction inside of you.
I was and am still struggling with some of my words yesterday that caused me to remember a couple of bad experiences in my life. That is why I stayed away from here yesterday. You did nothing wrong and in my heart you never could do anything wrong.
❤️I love you ❤️
@BlueDarkAurora maybe me and iam, need couple counselling already😁😁
Thanks aurora, I have so much to learn ❤
@Tinywhisper11
Both of us have been through way too many things and both of us are struggling with learning these extremely difficult things. We appear to be learning about some of these things together.
It seems that both of us have a lot of things that affect us on a deeper level than most others due to our experiences.
I can’t stop being worried about my darkness and negativity hurting you in some way. That fear seems to be interwoven in my love for you. ❤️