Ramblings 3

@Iamwhoiamwhoami what does periodically mean!??

@Tinywhisper11

Sorry for the delays in responding, my noisemaker alert is not working right. ❤️

I just noticed that I have the sounds of thousands of insects in my ears. Tinnitus??? Lovely, another fun thing.

The noise in both ears seems to be gone .

I think I might attempt to get the strength to get up and at least sit under the shower for a few minutes.

It really is a pain to try and crawl back under an old comforter that all the fill material has shifted into all the wrong places while I am still plenty damp from the shower. The thing almost sticks to my skin and I am in too much pain to straighten out.

A little ringing in my right ear . Whenever I nap again maybe it’ll finally disappear or at least drop to a level I can’t hear.

I actually have new sheets and comforters packed away. I’m thinking of possibly putting them on the bed right before I go in to the hospital for surgery.

That might depend on my strength. My arm strength is really weak, I knew that they were slowly getting weaker since this ordeal escalated a few ago. But the last couple of days, especially today they seem to be a lot weaker rather quickly. I did do something stupid to verify and maybe it proved me right or wrong. It was a 40 pack of 16.9 oz water bottles. It took everything I could muster to pick it up then I used the rollater walker seat to set it on and moved it slowly and painfully from the front door to the back room . Then I nearly dropped it because my legs were saying enough is enough. I set it down and literally crawled to the bed and pulled myself up and in. That was sometime earlier today. Maybe that contributed to the noise in my eardrums.

I managed a little more than just sitting under the water, I managed to wash my hair and the basics .

I should be proud of myself for the little things. But I continue to play the self blame game. If I hadn’t been so stubborn headed when the back and leg pain began, I wouldn’t be where I am now. But my stubbornness in regards to pain usually involves ignore it block it out and continue what needs to be done.

Stubbornness I think must be one of the ancient seeds that grew in the base roots of my early days. That trait I think has prevented me from being me.

Ok, I think I need to try and soak my disgusting feet while the skin has a little moisture left in them. I am guessing that I will have to try to do that in the wheelchair, that hurts the least for sitting in.

I got the hot water into the foot massager thingy. This will be the first time I have used it . I think I bought it a few years ago, planning to use it but never did. Anyway I need to let the water cool down for a bit it’s a little too hot for my wimpy footsies.

Hopefully I don’t fall asleep before I get to use it…

@Iamwhoiamwhoami 🙁my poor baby😥 your falling apart🙁 well done for having a shower ❤ and bringing those bottles in, and any other shopping you brought in, you should be very proud of yourself, I am proud of you ❤ it may seem not alot, but it's practically too much when your in pain🙁the spine effects all body parts and muscles eventually🙁 I really hope they rush this surgery  through. I bet your absolutely exhausted. Don't try sit up soaking your feet for too long, you've done quite enough today ❤ gives you gentle hugs ❤

Tiny bubbles are blowing around my feet and I can barely feel them. I feel the heat but barely the massaging tiny bubbles. Must be the nerve medication.

I wish I was not as far gone as I am. I am fat, ugly, old and a mental wreck. I feel like my mind is trapped at age level of a kid . I handle things like a kid when it comes to myself.