Finding Friends
Hello from VERY cold Michigan....
While I know I do not want to sound like a whiner, I still need to ask why I do not have any friends. I honestly have no one outside of my better 1/2. He is wonderful do not get me wrong, but I struggle to understand why I do not have friends. I feel I am a good person, have a productive life, and am approachable. Often while home, I wonder why I have no one to chat with, shop with, have lunch with etc outside of work. I try to be a good listener, ask questions in a conversation but still I never get a friend who reaches out, asks for me to do something or comes to me for just friendship. Any suggestions/ideas on who to fix this????
@Cheri32
How often do you reach out ask a person to do lunch or go shopping etc... i have a neighbor that i assumed was always busy i went to her house asking if she could watch for a box being delivered since i was gone a couple days...
She was so excited as she too sat in her home assuming i was unapproachable or too busy etc. Now we do things. IMO far too many wait for the other person to call text message or just approach. while those they are waiting on are also wondering why no one has reached out to them.
@toughTiger6481You are right, I should be more pro-active. I have in the past set up dinners/lunch with others but it is always me initiating the event. I will try to be more outgoing....
@Cheri32
I agree sometimes when we do the reach out it is expected but i find opening up and just telling others i planned this one next one is up to you helps break that pattern.
It’s the same for me. I’m always the one asking. So I definitely get this feeling. It’s like you wanna be friends but you have a little feeling that they might not want to and it just makes it harder.
It might be different for you though! I just thought I’d say I get this feeling! ❤️❤️
@sereneOasis4065 I agree, I wonder are they saying yes cause they feel they should or do they truly want to do it. My better 1/2 and I planned several outings amongst this group of 4 couples and we never see anyone else set things up, so now we just stop asking.
That’s exactly what it’s like for me. Well it is different because I don’t have anyone but there’s this guy and I’d always be like sending messages to him and then he just stopped responding because his life got super busy. But anyways I kept trying to start conversations and when he never did I just stopped trying. It’s so hard and confusing! I miss friendships and relationships from elementary. You both are always asking each other to hang out. Gosh, I think little kids take that for granted sometimes
@Cheri32
One of the things that has always bothered me is that I have always been the one to initiate and set things up. Sometimes we all need someone else to do it. Fortunately I finally have a friend who will reach out to me as much as I reach out to her.
@Cheri32 first of all, never think that it's anything you are doing wrong. We can just just be caught up in our own bubbles thinking about what we have going on and just keep to ourselves and don't reach out or hold ourselves back. I am sure that you would have alot to offer any friendship, sometimes it takes us stepping outside of our comfort zones, taking steps ourselves, being brave, because usually others are just wanting to do the same. I wish you all the best and I am glad you have a great other half. Take care and nice to meet you 😊 from a cold and wet Ireland at the mo 😁♥️
I don't know, I find sometimes it better not to have many friends as it limits the opportunity for fake people and drama. I have autism so I'm not the most qualified person to answer but I have my other half too and he is my best friend 😂
@Berrysituational
Lol, I get that. I have a few good friends and that's just great for me. Also, I'm a little younger so I doubt I can give good advice either 😅
@Cheri32 It's clichéd but only because it's true: we live in a very atomized society...in modern & Western nations we do, anyway. Its urbanized structure full of bureaucracies (government, corporate, nonprofit--all of 'em) did much to weaken the traditional social fabric in the 20th century. What modernization & privatization left alone, the Internet revolution + its spinoff technologies (particularly "social media") have mostly destroyed in real life. It's hard for a lot of people to find friends now, for a few reasons. I suspect current trends have affected you as much as anyone else.
Wish I had ready-made solutions for you...maybe find some kind of activity that you & the hubs like, that requires other people & doesn't allow you to waste time on Faceblech, TikSchlock, etc. It could be anything: board games, book club, pickleball if you're into that, etc. Pick one activity, pursue it & see what develops from there. That's the only advice I have, unfortunately.
Hey I can be your friend
@Anitta860 Thank you, I could use one....
Are you in my 50 yr old age range?
Cause it feels like all of us are somehow in that boat.
@Thelilbear1975 Yes, I am 57 about to be 58. Maybe its just mid life stuff/menopause (excuse for everything) LOl My life is work, home (work on chores etc) repeat......
