Every year over 50 there is less energy to live and be happy

@LostTurtle2 Have you tried talking to a therapist?

If not I would suggest that you might, want to give it a try.

If you cannot find one, 7cups has therapists.

To connect to a therapist please visit: https://www.7Cups.com/online-therapy/?Ob=1

I hope this helps.

@LostTurtle2. I could see how there might be more grief since the people we know are getting older and we may have more losses. I have met people who got more depressed and anxious after 50 and others who haven’t. So it doesn’t happen to everyone. We have discussions related to topics for people 50plus. I see that you are working but I will give you the schedule just in case

For the schedule for future discussions check here:

https://www.7cups.com/forum/50OverCommunity_193/TeamToolsandTeamUpdates_1705/50plusDiscussionsScheduleandTopics_207920/

I have found mindfulness to be helpful with depression and anxiety

5. You can listen to videos in mindfulness video library http://tinyurl.com/kcr5lxq

Yes. For me, it started after I reached 65 and ever since, every day is a struggle to remind myself to look at the bright side. I'm looking for a group to discuss the challenge of growing old. Like you, on the surface, I'm fine. But inside, I sometimes question the point of going on. There's no upside - slow deterioration of health, even onset of dementia, if not worse, being bedridden and whatnot. I've given my best over the years and yet, I've made my mistakes as well - big ones that I wish I can undo or make better. My counsellor tells me not to be disappointed in myself, but actually, it's life I'm disappointed in. It's a lot less than I had hoped for. Yes, there were good times and things I can be grateful for. But in the things that matter - finding someone to love and who loves me back, being a good dad and raising my children, my career - all these were less than I expected. Most of the time, these days, I feel that life is rather pointless. But there's something still in me that wants to live on, and live my life fully, and so I continue to struggle. Day by day. Maybe we can give each other courage?

@LostTurtle2

Let's stay here for a while. Hopefully, there will be a few more people who may open up and share as well. One of the most difficult parts for me was the surprise. I thought I'd just grow older without experiencing it in a negative way. I thought that I'd just be slower and weaker, a kind of reverse growing up without all the negative thoughts and emotions. I grew up with grandparents and my uncle is now 100 years old. He's got dementia and sees every day anew, forgetting what happened the day before. I have no idea if he's happy or sad. He always puts on a happy face and so, I never thought his life was difficult or that he might be desperately unhappy.

The thing is this. Yes, it's all over. Our best years are behind us and what's ahead is deterioration, illness and eventually death. To some extent, I've lost my natural desire to live. I used to have a zest for life. It's gone now. But, honestly, is this how I want to live my final years? I can understand now why some old people are always grumpy and maybe even angry. I feel like I've wasted my best years but again, to be honest, I don't know if I'd be able to live it any better. I think it'll still be the same, I'll still have my regrets. Only perhaps different ones.

At the end of the day, it is what it is. We tried our best and mostly, learnt things the hard way. I look at the young people today who's taking over my work and I get angry because they don't ask for my advice and make the stupidest decisions. And then I remembered that I didn't ask for my seniors' advice either. I wanted to do things my way and didn't want to be told to do it differently.

Looking back, I honestly don't know what would change if i had the chance to live my life again. It wasn't what I thought it world be. I'm disappointed and depressed. I see that life is unfair and it's not always the good people who are rewarded. I feel a lot like the guy in Ecclesiastes (dunno if you are familiar with the Bible). Everything is so meaningless.

So, how? Try to be as happy as you can for the rest of your life. Rediscover, or maybe discover for the first time, how wonderful life is. Revisit the fundamental questions you thought you solved but realize now you haven't. Is there God? Growing old, turning 65, was when I redefined what life means to me. And I continue to work my way through that. Trying to be positive was too difficult, I try to just be constructive. Just don't go down the rabbit hole.

I want us to talk about growing old for what it is - a depressing and deteriorating time as we prepare to die. Somehow, accepting it and not trying to fight growing old, but doing my best to be as happy as I can be, as productive as I can be, as healthy as I can be, seems like an acceptable way forward. Not overdoing it, but not just surrendering to depression, is good enough. Maybe there'll be a final burst, a final glory, who knows. Keep going, keep hoping, but not pretending. I think it'll be nice to hear a few more people in their journey.

@LostTurtle2

I don't know if I believe in an authentic you. Are we not living true to ourselves anyway? Just because we adapt to others more than they adapt to us doesn't mean we're not authentic. Is it right to walk out on your wife or children or friends just because you feel the urge to live your life more adventurously? I dunno. I don't think I'd be any happier if I left. I made my bed. If I had a choice to do it differently, it'll probably just be a different bed. I still won't have lived my life any more truly or authentically. In that sense, I don't regret what I did or didn't do. In that sense, I think life is meaningless and it makes no difference how you live it. The authentic you is the you that has lived your life.

@LostTurtle2

You are right on the money. One thing I learnt the hard way is that letting go and allowing myself to sink into depression accelerated my aging and I developed knee pain (osteoarthritis) very quickly after that. For us old folks, keeping our spirits up is really important to maintaining our health.

For me, I'm 68 now, I was OK until I was 65, and I thought I'd explore what it feels like to let myself go. I have been generally quite positive about myself until then. It wasn't as though my life was perfect, but I always fought back and tried to live my life as fully as I could. My one caveat is that I don't hurt anyone in the process, so having flings where the other partner is left broken-hearted is out for me. Ditto divorce, unless our relationship was so bad that I have no choice. But I think it takes two to tango, and if at least one party is willing to be loving and giving, most people will respond in kind. I wouldn't say I married my perfect mate, nor she me, but we hung in there.

I too look towards my legacy. I don't think my life is measured by how happy I am but by the legacy I leave behind. So, I don't regret not giving in to my baser desires, not the compromises I made in my life. I do wish that life has turned out better for me and look with envy at those who are more successful than me - more freedom to do what they want, richer, more successful in their career, healthier, etc. But it is what it is. I don't know if I would have fared any better if I could live my life again. All that remains is to live the rest as best as I can.

It is very difficult. A daily struggle. But it's better than the alternative - letting go and allowing the natural deterioration to progress. In some ways, these final years are our biggest challenge and will perhaps define who we really are. I am conscious of having to choose how I want to live my life everyday, of making the effort to stay positive and perhaps do even better than I used to. For example, I've decided to be more tolerant rather than intolerant and to support the young people in their journey no matter how silly I think they are or how "disrespectfully" they treat me. It's just my ego, after all.

On the one hand, I try to look after myself more and pay more attention to my own needs. But on the other, I am trying to accept that life goes on, and perhaps I'm past my prime. Rather than letting it just pass by, I will try my best to squeeze what I can out of it. And the older I get, the harder I'll try, lol.

Thank you for this thread. I've been looking for someone to talk to like this for ages. Since the struggles of growing old hit me. I wish someone told me. Now that I think about it, I remember that people did warn me how not looking after my health will come back and plague me in my old age. But no one told me about the depression. Maybe they didn't go through that because they were fighters and never thought to give in.

Interesting that this thread came up. I haven't reached 50 but it's coming soon enough (due to health conditions, I often act like a man in his late 60's+!). As we all know, the older you get the quicker it flies by you. It feels like my mid-thirties were only a year or two in duration, five years ago--even though the calendar tells me otherwise.

Re aging, decline & death: There is not much more that I can add, as the two of you have covered it quite well already. I certainly don't claim any special wisdom for handling the inevitable decline & end that follows the birth & growth of every human being. I can only say that from what I've seen, regrets often accompany growing older even though we all know they're useless since time flows in one direction only. Unlike you, I never married nor sired any children (as far as I know). There was one time when I seriously wanted to tie the knot, but it didn't work out. My only real regrets are 1) going in the direction I did when I was in college, & 2) getting involved with the wrong people a few years ago.

I wish I had better answers for you, or for anyone who has passed his/her peak & knows it's all downhill from here. I think about physical decline & death quite often, probably too much. Recent developments have encouraged my ruminations on it... The only real advice I have is if you know what your purpose in this world is by now--& you probably do--keep doing your best to fulfil it. If you can't, then figure out a different purpose you can fulfil, & do it for as long as your body & mind hold up. The meaning of life is a life of meaning...cliched, yeah, but it's true. If you can become sufficiently absorbed in tasks that speak to your own mind & leave a mark on this world, then you will be too busy to think about your inevitable demise.

Life is what you make out of it.

Only you can control how you feel and choose to do with it.

Learning to look at the good and being positive.

Setting reminders fir yourself to be positive and have good thoughts.

There is more good to come.

I guess its a natural effect on the nervous system. Its completely normal to feel what you feel and talking to others might just help!

@LostTurtle2

It sounds like you may have depression. It will not go away on its own. I know from experience. See your doctor and then your doctor will maybe recommend you to a psychiatrist. Depression and anxiety is very treatable. When you get help for it, you will wonder why you didn't go much sooner. Please see your doctor and get better!