Ever feel lost in who you are due to marital problems, stress and anxiety?
I've shared in other threads about my 40+ year marriage, and how it has been challenging and unfulfilling in so many ways. But in the last decade or two, it seems I'm lost my sense of real purpose and fulfillment. There are days where I would just like to do a total life reset, thinking that might be the answer.
But I just don't feel like I am me anymore. I suppose the ongoing stress and anxiety I face daily with my marriage really has taken it's toll on me over the years. I've come to regret my marriage choice now and I long to be with someone else who would appreciate me more and love me more than what I'm getting now. It's hard and somewhat painful to admit this, but it's true. Sometimes I'd like to just split everything down the middle and go our separate ways. But that wouldn't be easy and there will be a lot of emotional pain with that as well. So here I am, feeling stuck and no way out. Gosh I can't believe my life has come to this!
But as I said, through all the years in dealing with this, I seem to have lost who I am. I seem to have lost a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Some days I get up and I just don't want to go anywhere or do anything. In a mild way, I'm almost losing my will to live. No, I'm not suicidal and I certainly wouldn't carry that out. Too scary to think about!
But I have no ambition most days. I don't have much drive to accomplish meaningful things. I'm losing who I am. Are there others out there feeling the same?
I feel like my life is just in a fog too. I remember in my younger days where I felt a sense of purpose and ready to accomplish great things. I had things in mind, but unfortunately, none of those things happened or took place. Guess I could blame myself I suppose. Maybe partly to blame is this lifeless marriage I'm in. Dealing with a spouse who has very little interest in making things better really drains you.
I've spent a lot of time on here at 7 Cups unloading my brain and expressing my grief for the past couple of months, dealing with anxiety and depression, and it seems to help some. I'm not trying to get sympathy from others as I'm only venting here really. I'm feeling empty inside and just wished I could find my sense of purpose and meaning again. Seems I've lost it somewhere in this journey of life.
Apparently, there's not many that want to respond or participate in this thread. That's okay.
Maybe it's a subject people would rather avoid. All I know is I'm just feeling really empty inside. I don't know if it's something that you kinda come of age, or life's circumstances have altered life's perspective maybe? But I feel like I'm living in a fog, with no real purpose or drive to really get out there and do something. Maybe it's just the direction this country is going. The stresses of dealing with inflation, bad government, news media's negativity, very little time with friends that don't have time for you, or just a general lack of positivity.
Some might ask, "Boy, you seem really depressed." In a way, I guess I am. I mean, I want to work on being happy, but just don't know where to go with that right now. At present, this marriage I'm in is just not fulfilling... and I don't know what to do about it anymore. Sometimes I wished I could be with someone else that we can both be happy. I envy those that seem so happy together. I want that. Wished I could have that with the one I'm married to. But unless she changes, I don't see that happening any time soon.
@Spearman60
I understand the " empty" feeling your having. I had that too but for alot of different reasons some including my relationship with my spouse. I have learned in therapy that due to my horrendous trauma background I unconsciously fail to connect emotionally. The abuse I endured triggered an inability to trust, fear of abandonment, and disfunctional attachment issues. My spouse also has a trauma background. Put this together and it's really tricky . I know he loves me on some level and for the most part we have a decent life but there's something missing for me and probably for him too. I want deep connection, I think I'm capable now after years of therapy but I realize he is not. He's got trust and insecurities issues. I understand him in this.
I take meds for my depression and will stay in therapy for years to come. I recommend therapy it's changed my life and for the better. I see now where before therapy I was blind -so to speak. ( I am dedicated to my healing).
I know the pain you feel from disconnection of the relationship. It's so scary too.
I haven't figured this all out but I go back and forth about this relationship. Decisions decisions!
Your not alone in this struggle my friend
Best always ABB
@amiableBlackberry92
I feel like most of my issue is related to my marriage. For most of our 40+ years together, our relationship is very disjointed or disconnected... if that makes sense. She just doesn't know how to be close to someone in a more intimate way. She's always been somewhat independent. There's just no bonding connection between us. We tend to live independently with each other.
And I think dealing with this for so long has whittled away at me and somehow I feel lost in who I am anymore. I hope I'm making sense.
I long to be close to someone. What they call a "soul mate." I don't feel we've ever had that. And I guess that's what makes me feel so empty inside.
Maybe I need therapy... but I wouldn't know where to begin with that. I'd rather be face to face with a therapist instead of someone here. And I really don't want to fork out hundred's of dollars for that either. I was hoping coming here to 7 Cups might help... and it has to some extent.
Thanks for responding. I've seen you around on other threads. Guess you come here a lot... 😊
@Spearman60
Maybe your spouse can't connect because of some thing in her past. Some negative experience that is too painful to face. ? Just a thought.
I understand the wish for a " soulmate" . Once I thought I found one but no I was wrong. It turned out to be another predator for me. I'm a magnet for those because of my past trauma.
I have decided that "soulmate" is just a dream I have.
I do spend a lot of time here on 7 cups and it definitely has helped me.
Therapy is covered by my health insurance thankfully. You can Google search for one close to your location. I tend to see mine as a "life coach" rather than a therapist because that title indicates to society that your not stable or something along those lines. Really they are coaching you to find ways to sort out and cope with life as we know it.
I have pursued some activities that I never had time for in the past and these hobbies I guess you can call them have helped me build my self esteem. I had very low opinion of myself which I'm discovering is not the truth. I'm a kind loving person in good shape who wants happiness and connection. I do have a wild side too lol.
My identity was stolen when I was a kid by my father and I am working on figuring out exactly who I am. He had to pass for me to do this. It's some twisted relationship thing....trauma bonding I guess it's called.
I have been through a pretty big transition but it's for the better. I've dealt with intense grief over alot of different things.
I feel so much compassion for people here there's so much pain and aloneness. So many feel lost. I guess I just really want people to know there's others suffering and that they can find supporters here in the world .
I think your on a path of discovery of your next chapter in this life. Keep searching, one step at a time . I know it's a challenge. I'm doing it too.
Best always ABB
@amiableBlackberry92
She may have some trauma or situation in her past.... but if she does, she's done a good job hiding it from me.
I've got several hobbies that I'm involving myself in. It's helped me to focus. It helps to keep my mind occupied and focused away from my issues with her.
I've been hanging on here a lot myself. Mostly a bit in the morning, and evenings. It's helped me in dealing with my issues... connecting with others going through the same thing.
Thanks for your comments on my thread here... I appreciate it!...😊
@Spearman60,
everyone deserves to be self. To live, be happy.
If your marriage prevents that, you can go around in circles and circles and complain and come up with a zillion reasons why splitting up is hard, but it ain't gonna change a thing.
Your call, your call only, to do what your heart tells you to do.