What am I doing

@SparklySeas49

I think you know many of us can relate.

Maybe we post expecting someone to have an answer or yet another suggestion of try this... another reason i believe therapy has not worked for me.   i do it as explaining some things makes it clearer to me. 

Many mean well hoping some item they have done works for you too ... I find my relief my understanding my frustrations becoming clearer when I write it out. . 

 I also find solace in reading of other's struggles as some have it much worse and some well i think they do not see how trivial it sounds. it is all a work in progress.

We're all here for similar reasons, mate.

I made a post about it too, but no one read it. My point is that maybe we don't necessarily come here to solve our problems right away, but maybe someone else is going through the same pain we are, and by putting ourselves out there, we might be able to alleviate it.

@SparklySeas49

Hi.

I'm hear to talk to you. I know typing is hard and it's hard to explain what we really need. But a good listener can be good friend that can make your day some things special, that will give u a hope to wait till the next day to talk to me

I want to tell you that you are a very good written communicator and I love how clearly you express yourself.

I would love to share a little of my personal experience because I feel like some of yours is similar to mine.

I have always felt like a loner, From childhood to now approaching 50 years old. For most of my life I was what we call now a codependentAnxiously attached etc... Married to a narcissist for 21 years, Then ended up with a psychopath for 3 years. I so badly wanted to be understood and heard and supported. I got little bits here and there, i joined a church and became "religious", but the more I looked for support from outsideThe more lonely I felt.

Overtime though, somehow, I got the message that healing alone is the best thing I could do. No one was coming to save me. No one else can ever truly understand.. No one else has walked in my shoes from day 1, the day of my birth when my trauma started. It was all up to me how I wanted to live and how I wanted to feel. The toughest thing I've ever had to do was heal alone but It is the best thing I ever did.

Please dont misunderstand... i have family and friends, although not a large amount. But they can not ever truly know what its like to be me or to know what i truly need. It was my job to figure out what I could do to fulfill my needs, keep myself safe, heal, and create a better life. When i realized my inner power and focused on taking care of me, my boundaries, my bills, my therapy, my health, my mental well being, things finally started changing for me. People showed up for me in unexpected ways. Strangers. Great Spirit. The Universe. God.

So I say Do Hard Things, Do them Alone and see how amazing it feels when you conquer them yourself. Then tell your friends. Amaze them all.

I started with short solo road trips. It was a very daunting and scary idea for a woman alone I thought. But I talked to everyone in small towns ,at gas stations, grocery stores.. i asked questions, and found positive things to say. And I journaled constantly. For me, these experiences made me braver and changed my perspective. I know now that although i can do things alone, and i still do healing work alone, support will show up. I just dont expect it or "need" it to be from sources I know.