To forgive or Not
I’m 43 and have 2 kids, in the past 2 yrs I felt very alone because my husband distant himself from us. I was going through a hard time with my dad’s battle with cancer and eventually died from ALS 6 months ago. During this time he didn’t offer any emotional support and I thought he was depressed. So I am working to change myself and ask for counseling but he turned it down saying everything was okay. 5 days ago I found out he was talking to another women for about a year and he left. I am still in shock. I did ask him one time if he has someone else but he laughed at me and I felt bad to even ask. So I trusted him. This is my 2nd marriage, 12 yrs. My first marriage was 10 yrs and my ex also left me with the girl he cheated on me with and it took me so long to recover. With my husband, he knows about this and he said he would never do such a cowardly thing. I trust him and didn’t want my pass trauma to affect this relationship so when I found out, the pain is even worse. After my dad passed away, I told him things need to change, he is so cold and distant from me. And I started working on myself, gave him more attention and just doing all that I can. And he is still giving me silent treatment when I try to communicate with him, I just feel like a bad person around him, like a needy controlling wife. I’m starting to go crazy. He texted me a day after he left and say he is sorry and that he loves me and the kids. I said to come home and talk about it and he ignored me for a couple of days, then I texted him come home, family is important and to forgive himself. yesterday he texted me a long message about his guilt and how he can’t face me. I did not respond because I don’t know what to say. Maybe I am just so lost, anyone here have a suggestion?
i think I want to stay together to work it out because of my kids and I feel like grass is not greener elsewhere. You just have to keep watering your own grass. That have always been my mentality and he knows it. I never cheated on anyone in my life because I know how that felt from the first marriage. It can really mess you up. Going through this a second time almost make me feel hopeless to be honest. How can I ever trust people again?
I am worry I cannot forgive him and that would be my reason I don’t want him back. Also, if he really want me back he should come to me instead of sending me text saying he can’t face me. So if I was him I would man up and own the mistake and tell me what he done wrong and how he will work on being better. Basically right now I only get the apology but no action. So if I say come back, would he be coming back with 100% effort?
It just drives me crazy that this whole time I was begging him to work on our relationship when he already has his emotional needs satisfied by her. It was until the last moment when I saw the text from her that he finally gave in and told me the truth. The thing is he said it’s only talk and it’s been one year. I can’t help but question if that is the truth or not. If he still talks to her or not? And then if they have cyber sex or not. Just so many things going through my head.
Thanks for listening, I don’t know where to vent, I keep this to myself so he doesn’t have to look bad if we work things out. If everyone knows they will always look at him differently. Any comments/ suggestions are welcome. Thank you.