Therapy vs. just dealing with my problems?
Hi all. Lots of appreciation if you chose to read this.
I started searching for a therapist for some problems I’m dealing with, however I wonder if I even need a therapist? Should I just tough it out, or search for alternative methods?
the reason I ask is because the online intake form I started to fill out included a lot of info about severe depression, medications, etc. maybe I just need to be tougher? Here’s a small list as to some problems I’m facing:
-no social circle whatsoever
-no contact with immediate family (other than wife)
-current issues with wife (communication issues)
-generally very cynical when not in public (can put on “the face” at work.
-want to learn why I can’t make friends
-I watch a LOT of porn to self-medicate
I recently had to stop myself from starting to watch cam models. I figured I would take that money instead and put it into some sort of therapy. I don’t necessarily feel depressed, however I do have a “meh, life sucks, so if sh*t happens today, whatever. Just grind away” attitude that might not be healthy.
any advice?
@RyBoisse40 Hey there. I understand it can feel like therapy is intended only for those with major mental health issues like severe depression, but really therapy can be very helpful and healthy for anybody, regardless of what problems you experience. there’s absolutely no need to be tougher. life can be really difficult and we all handle that differently. therapy can help, and in the case of the problems you’ve been facing, it sounds like it could be a good option for you, in my opinion. therapy isn’t reserved just for the worst of the worst in mental health, if you feel it can possibly help you, i say go for it and see how it helps you. i’m sure it will be a very helpful experience and a good decision in the long run. hope this helped a bit, goodluck buddy (;
@RyBoisse40
Therapy IMO is like a diet ....... the real result is what YOU put into it.... therapy can help like a personal trainer for example . they can give suggestions or insight but they do not do the work for you...
Some people can do on their own i found listener here helps put some things in perspective.... but i am accountable to me.
The biggest issue i found in therapy is finding the right person.... tried a few times but got discouraged finding one to work with....
Recognizing the issues and thinking of redirecting funds is a positive sign in my opinion that with or without a therapist you are ready for a change.....
take a step at a time do not try to tackle too much at once and i will hope for the best for you.
Hello all, thanks a lot for reading and commenting on my thread.
Just an update, I finished my 3rd session with a therapist from Better Help. I decided to quit. The therapist I was paired with just talked for 99% of the session. He contradicted himself a few times, such as saying things like "you need to go back and resolve your past, otherwise you won't be able to move forward", but then he would also say "you need to just quit porn, cold turkey". Both are fine, but which is it? Also, there seemed to be no plan forward together as to how we can resolve this past of mine.
He then spent 20 minutes on talking about Elon Musk and some golfer about how many times they tried before succeeding. I don't necessarily have problems with motivation. My big thing is loneliness, and this session just made me feel more lonely.
Sorry to rant on here. I know I just need to move on and find a new therapist. It just felt very defeating especially after pouring out a childhood's worth of stories to him over audio messages on the better help platform.
@RyBoisse40 my friend didnt go to therapy, now he has a 9mm bullet in his skull and is 6 ft under
Hey hi,i read your post.And i want to answer it in the most subltle manner and one that suits you.I feel from your post alot of relativeness.However in your second post you write you took three sessions with a therapist.I just want to suggest you that it can be sometimes be difficult to find a therapist that resonates with you.Also three sessions are very less to understand what you might be actually going through.And i do feel your difficulties while I am writing this.Stress can cause alot of changes on our body and can cause fluctuations of hormones that control our moods.Watching porn and overeating is also one of the mechanisms that I use for coping.But we always have the choice to choose what is right option for us.I hope nothing in my reply is too direct or brash in anyway.
@Purplypurple Thanks a lot for your reply. I agree. three sessions isn't a lot, but it was enough to understand he wasn't good for me. Once again, he talked for most of the session. There was nothing in our session that seemed like we were trying to get closer to what was happening with me. It almost seemed like he didn't want to talk about it. It was really discouraging.
@RyBoisse40 you can use breathwork to feel you're feelings and meditation to feel safe with you're feelings and after those practices you can use self reflection it's a powerful tool. Or Inbox me happy to hold space for you ☺️
@RyBoisse40 when I was looking for a therapist, I found it helpful to Google “Therapist red flags.” There is a lot of info out there on this. I also asked potential therapists if we could have a short 15 minute consultation to help determine if it was a good fit. Most therapists will offer this, and they don’t charge for it.
I’m glad to hear that you’re not giving up and are looking for someone new. Therapy is hard, and it takes a lot of courage. Best wishes to you as you continue in this journey!
@RyBoisse40
I feel like I finally found the therapist I've been looking for for decades. Hopefully your search doesn't take that long, but having the right one can make all the difference.
It sounds like the heart of your struggles is loneliness. By all means, go see a therapist if you'd like, but joining an organization or a volunteer group and reaching out to old friends and acquaintances could be a better way to meet people and build a support group.
