Is anyone else ANGRY or frustrated on a daily basis?
Everyone thinks I'm angry all the time & maybe I am or maybe it's also an inbuilt self protective mechanism I designed from early multiple traumatic experiences.
This rage just builds up in me because I'm tired of the people around me burning me & the pressure is huge.
Think I need to find an anger management group because it has greatly affected my relationship with immediate family & I adore my family as they're my number one priority, although I think they may abuse that knowledge ay sone point so each time I stand up for myself or fly of the handle I'm the bad guy, the psycho, the crazy one.
Last year quit smoking cigarettes & vapes, I don't drink & I don't do drugs, I've got minor PTSD & OCD was diagnosed with high functioning mild form of Aspergars later on in life my I.Q is apparently higher than average 🤷‍♀️
Yet studying I love but it hoves me so much anxiety.
So almost every day I feel very misunderstood I go from moments of being intensely sensitive from moments of feeling completely numb.
Struggling to find a balance & everytime I burst into tears no one notices or see's me... I've tried asking for help yet I feel a million miles away from my partner whom is no longer on the same wavelength I feel like he just add's to my stress.
I don't go out much therefore my home is my sanctuary & my safe space & if the people I live with can not respect or honour that then I feel belittled & devalued by them.
I'm not really angry just always frustrated & even more frustrated no one will help relieve my burdens in the home or with family schedules... I use to have help & a big family support system now I don't.
Feel like they all blame me & like I'm too much for anyone & it hurts so much I've thought about admitting myself into a psych ward recently for the 1st time in my life, because my angers turned to a sick depression that's eating away & tearing at me.
I've seen councillors & psychologists on & off all my life, they all say I'm sane, have no mental illness & I'm a very strong person & send me out the door saying I don't need counselling anymore is this even legal... or is that medical negligence Idk
Heads all over the place, it's possible I'm over thinking all of this & blowing things out of proportion.
Sorry for the essay & if it doesn't make sense.
Also apologies for any typo's I type very fast but always seem yo miss my typing errors.