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SeaGoatMoonCrab
443 M Embraced 3
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts122 Forum posts13 Forum upvotes20 Current upvotes20 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2022 Member sinceMay 12, 2022
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Feeling like I don't matter
35 & Over Community / by SeaGoatMoonCrab
Last post
 June 2nd, 2022
...See more I'm trying to be happy I don't want to angry or sad, but I'm finding really hard when I'm surrounded by emotionally dumb people & zero support. If I went suicidal & took myself out tomorrow none of them would notice, they all think Im tough & could put up with anything. I buy tickets to go out to movies, comedy shows, concerts even extras to shout other people & then they bail & I don't want to ho by myself so I can't even go out to enjoy myself, how messed up is that I can't even pay people to spend time with me & I swear I'm the zero complainer of my fam or groups so I don't understand... I waste my effort, time, money & then end up feeling like shit because I'm constantly being ditched By my partner, my older kids, by family members & by my so called friends. No one even wants to go to a restaurant or sit on a damn beach with me, wth am I doing wrong. I'm trying not to be a home body or a depressive or a rage machine but I feel like I'm not allowed to unwind & go out to blow off steam. I used to love my home, family & my life Now I hate it & don't wanna be here & I don't wanna talk to anyone I know about it, feel like I'm gonna have a break down or end up in a looney bin. Please help someone
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Is anyone else ANGRY or frustrated on a daily basis?
35 & Over Community / by SeaGoatMoonCrab
Last post
 June 12th, 2022
...See more Everyone thinks I'm angry all the time & maybe I am or maybe it's also an inbuilt self protective mechanism I designed from early multiple traumatic experiences. This rage just builds up in me because I'm tired of the people around me burning me & the pressure is huge. Think I need to find an anger management group because it has greatly affected my relationship with immediate family & I adore my family as they're my number one priority, although I think they may abuse that knowledge ay sone point so each time I stand up for myself or fly of the handle I'm the bad guy, the psycho, the crazy one. Last year quit smoking cigarettes & vapes, I don't drink & I don't do drugs, I've got minor PTSD & OCD was diagnosed with high functioning mild form of Aspergars later on in life my I.Q is apparently higher than average 🤷‍♀️ Yet studying I love but it hoves me so much anxiety. So almost every day I feel very misunderstood I go from moments of being intensely sensitive from moments of feeling completely numb. Struggling to find a balance & everytime I burst into tears no one notices or see's me... I've tried asking for help yet I feel a million miles away from my partner whom is no longer on the same wavelength I feel like he just add's to my stress. I don't go out much therefore my home is my sanctuary & my safe space & if the people I live with can not respect or honour that then I feel belittled & devalued by them. I'm not really angry just always frustrated & even more frustrated no one will help relieve my burdens in the home or with family schedules... I use to have help & a big family support system now I don't. Feel like they all blame me & like I'm too much for anyone & it hurts so much I've thought about admitting myself into a psych ward recently for the 1st time in my life, because my angers turned to a sick depression that's eating away & tearing at me. I've seen councillors & psychologists on & off all my life, they all say I'm sane, have no mental illness & I'm a very strong person & send me out the door saying I don't need counselling anymore is this even legal... or is that medical negligence Idk Heads all over the place, it's possible I'm over thinking all of this & blowing things out of proportion. Sorry for the essay & if it doesn't make sense. Also apologies for any typo's I type very fast but always seem yo miss my typing errors.
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