I've tried dealing with people (humans)
I've NEVER belonged anywhere and I wish it didn't matter to me. I wish I could remove that feeling and recycle it for something more useful and less depressing. I'm going to try to accept that some of us are just born to be alone, stop fighting it🤷♀️
Maybe I'm just supposed to do some stuff, see some stuff and call it a day
Trying to find a "community" has exhausted my bones, plus most the of the time people just aren't ... IDK, not worth all the anxiety
@toughHouse8139
You belong everywhere that you want to belong, so do what you love doing and the community will find you.
Their loss
@toughHouse8139
I know how you’re feeling. I’ve experienced it. Still am. But while it used to bother me and made me think negatively about myself, made me uncomfortable, gave me anxiety, and I hated it, those days are over once I realized it’s ultimately their loss. Do I still wish I had friends and all that? Yeah. But not having them doesn’t negatively affect and impact me anymore as I’ve continued my life and I’m happy with myself and being my close friend. And I’m proud of myself for all that bc it was not easy and took a long time to get here. But I still continued instead of giving up. A lot of people give up and do even worse things to themselves and/or to others just bc they feel lonely, unloved, etc. I’m talking about doing drugs, smoking, drinking, and more. They just stopped caring about themselves and everyone else and are just full of complete hate. Honestly I could’ve ended up being that way but I am so happy and proud of myself for not becoming that person.
The reason why I said all this is to let you know that you can be your own best friend and partner and if no one else accepts you it’s their loss. As other users said, be yourself and keep living, and eventually you and the right people will find each other :)
And if you want, I’ll be your friend. We’re both in the same or similar situation to have that in common. We can talk about that or anything else to get your mind off of it if you want bc I know it’s difficult to live with that situation.
Sending you support and supportive hugs and ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
@akunknown Thankyou f0r the support and hugs. You are such a positive person, and you deserve to have around you the people who will care about you and value you. I admire the way you say you are your best self. I have frequent moments of believing that I have ruined a conversation by saying something right at the end that is just all about me. Because I've been trying too hard to explain myself, and not listening to others, (very ADHD). Then the bipolar has me mortified, perhaps over reacting and overly blaming myself. Are other people thinking 'she is so about herself', or do they not even notice? IDK. More withdrawal, more disappointment. How to avoid this is something I don't know how to do. It feels like a compulsion, and I'm always on guard. Time to relax, let go, breathe. This is my mantra. I hope this helps.
@indigoApricot2445
Thank you for saying and sharing all that. I’m humbled by your admiration of me but I honestly rather you admire yourself. Or both yourself and me if you want. Despite your situations, you are still here instead of giving up. That’s very admirable. Believe me.
Regarding your Bipolar and ADHD conditions, have you ever spoken with a therapist or psychiatrist or psychologist or seen any doctors about any of these conditions? If not, would you be open and willing to?
@akunknown Thanks for your message. This is the first time I've been on this website. are we chatting in a forum where everyone can read it?
To your question, yes, I have a psychiatrist, have had a number over the years, and have one now who specialises in people over the age of 65. I've seen a number of counsellors and learned a lot from them. All support is good. I was part of a 12 step self help group called Grow (I'm in Australia). We met once a week around a table in a room for two hours and shared stories and strategies. It was confronting to speak out to a group of peers, but more valuable than counselling with a professional. I and a couple of others were doing the work, but most people there were doing it in a perfunctionary way, using it as a social group. I made one friend, also with bipolar. After a couple of years, she drifted away, unfortunately. As have so many done! Still I am open to finding friends who resonate, to have a laugh, a walk, a meal, a coffee, maybe go on a holiday with. Just to be normal, but with acceptance and understanding, and not too much focus on negative stuff, rather focus on resilience, and enjoying life.
@indigoApricot2445
We can be friends if you want. ❤️
To answer your question, yes everyone can see/read it and I believe that means this is on a forum. And to be even more specific about it, these posted comments are on this specific thread.
But if you prefer to be more private about it which I completely understand if you prefer that then please feel free to message me and we can continue this discussion or start a new more positive one if you want. I’ve never had any messages on here before so I’d have to figure out how to find a message if someone sent me one on here so if I take a while to respond that’s why so please excuse me if you don’t mind ❤️
@toughHouse8139@linee730Thanks for your message. It was something I could relate to. since childhood I've had very poor self esteem despite academic excellence. I became very good at hiding panic attacks.
My Bipolar 2, (plus ADHD) rapid cycling, is managed by medication, yoga, swimming, isolating and streaming drama. It used to be travelling and moving house.
I was diagnosed at age 64, told since age 30 that I had major depression, during which time I was incorrectly medicated.
Leaving friends and family behind, losing friends and partners, and jobs, has been a theme. Friends are what I value most, but find it hard to make and keep them. So I use online counselling services about once a week. Now I am 71, have given up on the hope of finding a man, and have much joy in my 20yr old daughter. Yes, IVF. Also a part time job in Mental Health. My daughter is away at uni so I live alone, which is hard for me because I am normal in that I need people. Bringing her up was fantastic but there were times of extreme anxiety due to financial situation and self doubt.
I'm lonely a lot of the time. I have a home and a cat, which helps a bit. I used to make art but feel I've been there done that. Last month a medication change went wrong and I had absolute extreme fatigue, paranoia and claustrophobia, which was all very frightening. I thought it was going to last forever, then I finally did a google search and realised it was because of the medication.
When my daughter's father (fully Aspergers) stole her away when she was 12, I went into a spiral for 6 years. It still brings tears to my eyes. This has turned into a book! Accept and value yourself. Help others if they will let you. Cherish your friends. Breathe, relax, let go.
Thank you for sharing your story. I see bravery, resilience, and frustration in your story. The long term fight to keep whole is inspiring. Keep fighting and stay bless.
@linee730Thanks for your message. It was something I could relate to. since childhood I've had very poor self esteem despite academic excellence. I became very good at hiding panic attacks.
My Bipolar 2, (plus ADHD) rapid cycling, is managed by medication, yoga, swimming, isolating and streaming drama. It used to be travelling and moving house.
I was diagnosed at age 64, told since age 30 that I had major depression, during which time I was incorrectly medicated.
Leaving friends and family behind, losing friends and partners, and jobs, has been a theme. Friends are what I value most, but find it hard to make and keep them. So I use online counselling services about once a week. Now I am 71, have given up on the hope of finding a man, and have much joy in my 20yr old daughter. Yes, IVF. Also a part time job in Mental Health. My daughter is away at uni so I live alone, which is hard for me because I am normal in that I need people. Bringing her up was fantastic but there were times of extreme anxiety due to financial situation and self doubt.
I'm lonely a lot of the time. I have a home and a cat, which helps a bit. I used to make art but feel I've been there done that. Last month a medication change went wrong and I had absolute extreme fatigue, paranoia and claustrophobia, which was all very frightening. I thought it was going to last forever, then I finally did a google search and realised it was because of the medication.
When my daughter's father (fully Aspergers) stole her away when she was 12, I went into a spiral for 6 years. It still brings tears to my eyes. This has turned into a book! Accept and value yourself. Help others if they will let you. Cherish your friends. Breathe, relax, let go.
I tell myself that I’m part of an alien research expedition and I had to be placed in a human body to move amongst the humans so I may study them. You are not alone in feeling alone. I have only a handful of friends and they’re all online. I have one friend that is in-person but moved away. He and his wife will probably return after he finishes his degree, but until then it’s just me and my partner and our cats.
With my partner, he is someone who is also a bit of a loner and he is a gamer. I also enjoy gaming. When we aren’t working, most of our time is spent in a room with our respective computers doing whatever it is we are doing. So we are alone together. It works for us. We’ve been together for 12 years now.
Our marriage is not traditional. We are mixed race and I am an immigrant in his country. Women here usually have kids and quit work. I did neither. I run our home in a matriarchal way as is my traditional home style, and this was a point of contention as his culture is patriarchal, but he had to accept it because I said so. Patriarchal homes are where the husband is king because he is the man. Matriarchal homes are where the husband is king because through the queen he gains his king status.
We are an unusual couple. We are both devoted to work. We trust each other when we have to work late. We still send sweet messages to each other and have an active intimate life considering our age and health problems, more active than our peers apparently.
I say all this to let you know that finding a person who complements you is possible. We loner weirdos exist, we’re harder to find because we are loners but you can find us and we can be loner weirdos together. My in-person friend is very charismatic and personable but also a weirdo, so he doesn’t mind when I am a weirdo. He used to host parties and I would attend and then eventually go to his bedroom to be by myself while the party went on, and he would come check on me and bring me a drink and we’d do a shot and share a laugh and he would go back to his party. So sometimes there are those special charismatic weirdos that can also complement your loner weirdo self.
It is harder for us but nothing in life worth having comes easy, at least that’s what I tell myself.
Hey
Hi House, I can relate. Probably not in all the same ways, but I do relate to what you're saying (and possibly part of why also). @toughHouse8139
At times I kind of feel like the 'final piece' of the jig saw puzzle. The one that we were always searching for as kids - the one that would make the puzzle complete, finished. Done.
And then there was me - the 100th piece or the 500th piece, etc. Scattered about when my younger siblings were playing with the puzzle and throwing pieces. Lost to the edge of the baseboard in the games closet. Stuck between the puzzle boxes. Just away from. Separated.
Yes, peopling can be sooooo hard some days. I just want to don the shirt, "All I can handle today is me and my dog."
Don't give up, House. Dealing with people and all their idiosyncrasies can be nearly exhausting some days. Other days you just need a break from, well, everyone. Keep going. It *is* hard, it can be draining. Some days will be easier than others. You can! Just keep swimming, dear house. Just keep swimming. <3 Platy
@toughHouse8139 I understand. Same here. Worked hard to fit in from day one. I try to be nice, considerate, emphatic. Usually it does not lead to anywhere. I cannot find my community either. Old friends are now distant, others went their own way. Coworkers are just for work. Now, there is no real community. As usual, I am alone. Now, even my wife began to ignore me after a fight. It sucks.
