Childfree (not by choice) Women
Are there any childfree (not by choice) women on here?
I feel so alone in this. See, I've always wanted to have a family of my own and at my age, I am worried it will never happen. I'm still single and as women, we have a timeline to have children. My mental health has really held me back in life and I feel so sad knowing that I may never have the family I've always wanted. I'm low-income and don't see myself as a single mom due to the financial and emotional stress. I feel so alone and so behind in life. I come from an abusive family and have been in therapy for several years and there is nothing more that I've wanted than to have a family of my own. I feel like I don't belong anywhere and feel doomed to be alone and miserable forever.
@JSA18 I am sorry to hear that you are feeling very lonely and isolated, especially when it comes to having a family of your own. Wanting to belong and build a happy life is completely natural thought. What thoughts pop up for you when you think about being alone forever?
I'm in this situation. I've always wanted a family but it just never happened for me. Now it's too late, I'm too old to have them. I mean, I technically *could* but it would be way too high risk and I don't want to be super old when the child comes of age. So that ship has sailed. It sucks. The worse is when people ask, and I say that no I don't have children. Their eyes bug out of their skull and they sound shocked... "You DON'T???" Like my only purpose in life was to have them or something. I think it's a very inconsiderate question. Some women physically can't have them and that's just not a question that should be asked.
But yea, it's lonely. I wish I had a family. I live alone and have no parents or a spouse. People don't understand how hard it is. Some people even call me lucky because I come home to a quiet place. Try doing that ALL THE TIME. All I hear are the thoughts in my head and they aren't always good.
/vent.
@SilverKouteau
I can relate to pretty much everything you said. How you feel, the things people say, etc. I despise it when people ask me if I have children or even if I'm married. I don't have either and I've always wanted both. It's an extremely inconsiderate question and it's really sad how we live in a society where it's expected for every single woman to have children by a certain age. Like you said, some women are physically unable to have children, and it is such an inconsiderate thing to ask people.
@JSA18 It sucks that we're both experiencing this but at the same time it helps to know I'm not alone with this. I still cling to the hope I will find a spouse one day. The thought of dying alone is terrifying. I hope you can find happiness too.
@SilverKouteau
It helps to know I'm not alone in this as well, and I really appreciate you sharing your experience with me. I am terrified of dying alone as well and I often think about who will help me out when I'm old....no family, children, spouse, etc. Like you, I hold on to the hope that one day I will find a partner and get married. I hope you find happiness, too💜
I assume I'm from a similar background to yours with ACE, current low income status and lack of safety/support for a future with children. With that being said I am child free and childless myself.
You might find comfort or better understanding of your circumstances and how they relate to you if you ask yourself a few questions. like how much do you care about the children that you have in your life being biologically related to you ? what is the timeline minimum and maximum you're willing to have children ? would you be willing to have children with possible future increase medical risk of a high risk pregnancy? Do you require partnership for children or would you be open to being a single motherhood or alternative co-parent arrangement? What are the things you would need to feel safe to procreate? is it a house in your name? is it $200,000 in your 401k? is if $5,000 of play money /short term savibg in the Bank? define those things. For me once I explored all my options and defined desires and created a specified plan/image of how I would get to motherhood. I was significantly more comfortable with my current reality that is unsuitable for children.
@JSA18 I'm in the same boat. Really love kids but have no partner with whom I can embark on this collective goal. No income to be a single mom plus sperm donation isn't supported by my culture. I feel deep sadness.
@JSA18 Look at the other side of the coin. Consider:
- Your decision to not have a child at your current income level shows you are a responsible woman. Far more than people (men, too) who pop out a rug monkey without any forethought as to what it takes to raise a child into a capable, reasonably well-adjusted adult. Those who do are an example of one of the factors behind entrenched poverty, & the social dysfunction that follows.
- Ditto re abuse & toxic family dynamics. Not to speak of present company, of course, but one of the great (& sometimes unspoken) tragedies of child abuse is that those who've been victimized when they were young are at higher risk of becoming abusive to their own, once the next generation is born. Those who break the cycle don't always do it right, either: more than one mother with an abusive childhood has reacted by insufficiently disciplining her child(ren) when necessary...or with no discipline at all. Her offspring become h€llions & then grow up to be punks or worse. Meanwhile the mother is without respect & she, in shock & grief, wonders where she went wrong. You've avoided the above outcomes. That's good...very good.
- You are aware of your limitations. That shows a certain hard-won wisdom. Again, not everyone attains that. Kudos.
@JSA18 🙁 I'm sorry your life long plan hasn't worked out yet. But their is no rush in life, if at the time you fall in love, and your body is not able to have a baby anymore, then there are other ways. But I understand wanting your own baby ❤ I wish you good luck in all those ❤
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