Marriage
I hope this is the right place for this, I was going to post in the relationships chat but there were very young people in there so here I am 😅 my husband and I have been together for 7 years and we have two kids. So my body is pretty different now than before having them. I don’t go through my husbands phone often but it seems everytime I do there’s something to find. Whether it’s watching explicit videos, or even just scrolling *** he watching women with a completely different body type than me. And it’s…excessive almost? Like he never watches any other “type” of woman. If that makes sense. We had a problem a couple years ago where he was texting a woman who sent pictures and she had that body type. He paid for women’s onlyfans of that body type. But he still calls me beautiful everyday, and he still loves on me and wants me a lot. But I can’t get it out of my head that I’m so different to what he actually wants. I asked him to lock me out of his phone because maybe if I don’t see it I won’t be stressed over it so much but he won’t do that. So I just don’t know what to do
@exuberantPlace5284
I think you feeling insecure and concerned is completely natural and valid 💕 nobody would really be ok with seeing their partner being interested in someone else... people say a lot of things like "but they are only watching" "not acting upon it" "it should be fine after a few years of losing the initial spark of relationship" and what not but really, that's plain BS in my humble opinion and id actually feel very angry and heartbroken if my partner did that
making you feel loved and wanted is what they should be doing as your partner but making you feel respected and valued is also a partner's job in a relationship
doing what they are...knowing it affects you emotionally and still continuing to do is very very wrong of them
i could probably say things as they are and be more harsh about it because it's not my situation and im only a third person pov...and your the one with the emotional investment and actual feelings involved but ive been in a similar situation in past...not so extreme tho... but i remember how emotionally painful it was still and how much trust issue I still have for this aspect in relationships...
so me hopes you'll take time to consider your feelings...have another calm conversation mentioning how you feel and that you'd want him to stop him from doing that entirely.....maybe think what would you suggest a friend to do in your place? what would you feel would be the right or best thing for that friend to do in this situation...
hugs you if ok🥺🥺💕💕💕
Thank you so much for your response ❤️ it’s hard to have a calm conversation I think with a lot of people when they’re in the wrong. He jumps straight to being defensive and saying he should just delete social media. But thats not going to fix anything. I’ve tried asking why and even just giving up and saying if you just tell me that’s what you want to do, I can figure my own feelings out. But he won’t admit to it, so that’s frustrating for sure. I feel like maybe I’m not giving him what he needs in all aspects? I just wish he knew how to actually talk about it instead of getting upset. But thank you! Being heard helps a lot 💕
@exuberantPlace5284
I'm so sorry to hear your husband has been looking at other women online and that he has even reached out to one in the past. I would feel similar to you in that situation. It's good that you've expressed yourself to him and made it clear that it makes you uncomfortable.
Marriage and especially marriage with kids is difficult. I just wanted to say that I admire that your trying to keep your relationship healthy. It must be really stressful to not feel heard in this situation.
