Why can't I stop the wanting of throwing up my food?

The instant after your purge is complete, a sense of peace and wholeness overcomes you. You feel powerful and in control. It results in a perverse, but intense high and satisfaction. You decide maybe you’ll do it again. What’s one more time? It was so easy the first time anyway. And that’s how your addiction begins to infiltrate your mind, body, and spirit. Low self-esteem, suffering, and the inability to cope effectively are at the heart of all addictions. People with eating disorders also struggle with their identity—with establishing who they are and how that relates to what they want and the world outside. The addiction is an effective way to cope with life when you don’t understand your emotions; you have only a limited capacity for self-respect, and you don’t have healthy relationships with people. It's something predictable and comforting. It seems dependable. It becomes your friend. But all of that is just a myth. When things seem stretched too easy or seem too perfect, that's when the red flags should be waving. Never take your health for granted. You don’t realize just how important it is until you don’t have it anymore. Even if you’re a relatively healthy person, if you haven’t been to the other side, you don’t know how blessed you are every day. Always remember that your body is a sacred temple. Treat it with as much respect as you would any other physical temple. Anything else is cruel. People forget that bulimia is an act of cruelty. It’s not just something you do. It’s not just a psychological disorder and sickness. It’s an act of brutality that bespeaks a profound level of anger toward, and fear of, yourself. Then a time comes where your anger and fear take possession of your body and you become your own personal agent of death. You punish yourself because you think you deserve it, while struggling to survive long enough to take another beating. Your eating disorder is now your identity. When you say “I,” you mean “we.” You make decisions together, you think together, and you live together. Even thinking about separating from your other half sends you into a panic. How can you survive without it now? It’s terrifying. It’s intolerable. It’s possible.

I can only tell you what it was for me. I used to do that in high school because my mother always thought I was fat and made fun of me. I internalized the message that if I am fat, I cannot be loved, so thought that in order to get love, I have to be thin. That is why I purged after large meals. I just wanted to be loved.

i've dealt with bulimia or rather binge/purge type anorexia a while ago. i am recovered but what i can understand is that when you binge, or rather when you think you binge (eat an amount of food which is not okay with the limits you set for yourself) you feel really guilty and what you've taught yourself is that you must get it out of your system. throwing up is one example of purging. however love, this wont do much for you. it doesnt get rid of calories, fat, anything that had been consumed. only puts so many complications and strains on your body especially your heart. its a really bad habit and behaviour and i know how difficult it is to deal with and be able to heal from, but it's best that you see a professional. maybe an eating disorder clinic or a therapist of sort who can refer you to one. they can get you on the right track to healthy eating and so forth :) you don't need to feel guilty about what you've eaten. when you deprive your body of what it needs, it basically screams for it and binge eating is a result of that. just always remember, tomorrow is a different day. understand that you will not gain weight from it, you think youve eaten more than you actually have and try to get a better understanding and knowledge of nutrition and health rather than focusing on just weight. when you put good things into your body and treat it well in general, you feel good :) you deserve to feel good love take care of yourself x

Quite possible that you are over conscious about gaining weight. It's important to go and diagnose the cause for uncontrollable vomiting. Anxiety disorders, depression and eating disorders like Bulimia nervosa etc are associated with the same. Other reasons could be gastric infection due to contaminated food/water etc.

This is a tricky situation. Wanting to throw up food can be an obsession. It can be something that makes you feel good, but deep down you know that it's not good for you. Having an Eating Disorder can blind you and eat away at you for a very long time. Wanting to throw up is the same way. You think that it's healthy and that you want a good body image, and you are then blinded by this idea of the perfect body, that you forget what is healthy. Food is out fuel and we need to make sure that we keep at least a bit of fuel in us to keep us going. So ultimately, you throwing up food could be a psychological image in your head of what a "perfect" and "healthy" body is.

While I cannot pin a Bulimia Nervosa diagnosis on everyone who chooses to self induce vomiting, I can for a fact say the disorder and the behaviour stem from control issues and dysmorphia. It is usually a mix of feeling helpless and feeling insecure that leads to eating issues like this. Personally, I am in recovery and it is the hardest thing to do in life. To admit something else is wrong besides yur weight. Why, is subjective, but it all comes down to wanting to feel like you can do something right.

In my opinion I think you have bulimia, it is an eating disorder. Try eating on a smaller plate, it helps control weight balance

i feel this too, i think that it is because it becomes addictive because of endorphins or something like that and maybe the feeling of food inside of the body is uncomfortable. i was told that if you keep ignoring the urges the feeling will go away but i dont know

There may be a gnawing fear of gaining weight, feeling fat or sickness from anxiety that makes your stomach churn. You may feel it to be a way to manage weight, albeit one that can lead to many serious concerns later on in the future. It may be the self destructive desire to feel pain, whereby the sickness alleviates the internal pain and worry and fear by externalising it. There are many triggers as to why one may wish to. But in the end, it all stems from internal suffering and a wish to externalise it some how. Often in desire to control, change, alter or feel, it is a sickness and action that racks the body, mind and soul.