Why do depressed people push loved ones away?

I so want to understand why my ex boyfriend has pushed me away....won't answer calls, makes excuses not to meet. I just want to speak with him.....he says he wants to change, but won't admit to depression completely. Says he's falling apart, living his life is scary. It feels like he doesn't care at all, but he says he does but needs time to get his life together. I think I have to give up soon. Its been 5 months, and I have heard every excuse and lie there is. He won't get help. I hate that he's struggling and suffering.

i think depressed people are afraid to get close to others. They are afraid to get hurt again or get left again

I would just try to outline what I used to do. When the depression was really bad, I couldn't understand why anyone would care about me, and therefore I always thought they were just there for selfish reasons and tricked me. Also, during that period, I'd always dwell on why people left me an hurt me which made me withdraw from my friends believing that soon they will go too, and it is better to try and protect myself from being abandoned. I am constantly expecting rejection. Another reason was, any human interaction was exhausting. The burden of there being a possibility that my words could hurt them really stung bad and my coping mechanism was to distance myself.

One of the first questions that depression questionnaires ask is whether you've ceased to find happiness in activities and things that you once enjoyed. That includes people too. When someone is depressed, we don't see the value in these relationships as we normally would. As a result, pushing someone away allows the depressed person more space to be in their own thoughts. And as you might imagine, this can be part of a spiral downwards.

Because they want to see if there loved ones really care for them and want to see if they will return for them, Or leave them like the rest, They push them not because they hate them... They push them away so they don't get hurt and want to know if there loved ones really care for them.

Sometimes it can be easy to push people out of our lives when we have depression because it is easier to live by the rules of our 'depressed selves' when we are alone. It is easier not to have to put effort into speaking, doing activities and workloads - though extremely unproductive and doing so will allow depression to thrive a lot more readily.

You feel so bad you just want time on your own to sort yourself out. Its like jumping down the rabbit hole and needing that darkness and quiet to just let the world go by in silence for awhile until you can start to see that small thread of light at the end of the tunnel. Its nothing personal against the loved one.

They are afraid that they might hurt or scare the people the love away if they were honest. Depressed people are afraid of letting people see them. They rather build walls and cover their sorrow and pains, when it should be the reverse.

This is pretty standard for a person with depression. Try to imagine it this way. You feel horrible. There's a weight the size of a black hole pressing on your shoulders and another one residing in your gut. But people are trying to be nice, and this does not correlate with your feeling about yourself. The answer? Push them away. Make them go. Make the external world fit with your internal sense of self. Why not accept the love that is offered? Why not push away the darkness and depression? Because the darkness and depression are lodged permanently inside of you...Still, deep beneath the depression, there is still a tiny spark of a human who values his or herself. Sometimes that that shred of their souls manages to push out and raise its voice a bit. At moments like these, the depressed person can remember what it is like to not hate yourself, and it can be possible to accept love for a few moments. When friends, family and lovers support a depressed person, it does make a difference, even if the depressed person fights it. It's almost like a test to see whether you really care enough to care for us, despite our horribleness...It's not easy being depressed or being there for then the way they need you to be,but if you can find it in your heart to hold your ground,you'll make a commendable difference.