Why am I so shy around big crowds, but when I'm with one friend than I'm fine?
304 Answers
Moderated by Anna Pavia, psicologa psicoterapeuta psychotherapist psychologist counselor
Updated: May 25, 2022
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MakerOfWhaleSong
on
Aug 4, 2015
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Have no fear, you are sooooo not alone in this. When I'm with my friends, I can be super confident and laugh a lot and be generally merry, but put in a room full of strangers, and bam. I've turned into a sad little muffin who avoids eye contact at all costs. For me, at least, I feel like it's because I trust my friends not to judge me. I know they're not going to look at me and say "Eew, you have acne," or "She is such a loser." I feel safe with them, like nothing can touch me, because I know they have my back. Lots of people, however, even people I'm acquainted with, can cause me to freak out that they're all silently judging me, or only pretending to like me. I feel like a lot of people have this issue, but try not to worry about it. Chances are, people are not trying to pick out your every flaw.
Problems managing stress?
Anonymous
on
Feb 15, 2015
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It sounds like you might have social anxiety, which is when you feel really nervous and shy around social situations when there are lots of people to interact with. Try reading this wikipedia for more information: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_anxiety
Anonymous
on
May 13, 2015
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Could be that you are, even though unknown to you, an empath. Empaths usually communicate better with one or two people because they can tune into the energy. However, get us around more than about 6 people and we will slowly get to a level of empathic overload, causing us to just shut down in an effort to keep ourselves sorted.
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SakuraSkye
on
Jan 31, 2016
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I'm the exact same! I have 3 really close friends, and they're the only people (apart from my family) who know what I'm really like.
When I'm with them, I'm happier and I smile way more and talk sometimes too!
But when I'm placed into a classroom full of people, you would find it hard to get a peep out of me unless you ask me a question (even then, it's very quiet!)
I just don't like so many eyes being focused on me and judging me, and I feel so out of place because I know in my mind that nobody understands what I have to go through!
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Redtiger01
on
Sep 17, 2016
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I don't know about you, but I feel like people are actually listening to what I'm saying when I'm only with one person, and when I'm with a crowd, I more often feel excluded.
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EnchantedBliss
on
Dec 21, 2015
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Big crowds can be daunting, and you can feel like the whole world is silently judging your every move. You may find you then put a lot of pressure on yourself because of this.
This is mostly why it's easier to talk with one friend, you get recognition, instant feedback from body language etc, feed off their responses and you know what they are generally thinking. You feel less pressure, and less judgment,
Nonetheless, there will be times when you have to present/talk to big crowds. From my times as a presenter, I learned that things are never as bad as you think they are. It is very nerve racking, everyone gets a bit nervous - even Frank Sinatra admitted he has nerves before a show! So take a breath, a deep breath... relax, and have faith in yourself :)
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OleanderSky
on
Feb 8, 2016
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I wouldn't say I'm 'shy' around big crowds, I feel my own personal social anxiety makes it stressful to not only hang out in a crowded setting, but even anticipate socializing with a group of people. It's something I'm working on through self therapy and different medications, so far nothing has helped - but I stay optimistic! Just gotta find the right method for me :)
Anonymous
on
Apr 25, 2015
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You are probably an introvert and this is normal. Many people (introverts) are not inclined to deal with big and noisy crowds. They go for quiet places or certain people, and they even need some time alone every now and then.
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AlexaAmoroso
on
Mar 12, 2015
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big crowds can be filled with strangers, and strangers can be scary to talk to, especially when you have any type of anxiety
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Wolveswatching
on
Jul 21, 2015
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In a smaller group it is easier to be heard without putting in a whole lot of effort to be seen. In a group there is more pressure to get people to notice you and really hear you.
Anonymous
on
Jan 15, 2015
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That's simply your personality, and it's perfectly normal to feel that way. Plenty of people (if not most) are more comfortable with a close friend or two, rather than navigating the social confrontation sea of big crowds, and it sounds like you're one of them. Big crowds can be intimidating, especially if you don't know everyone, because one's attention is split between so many individuals at one time, and because there's such a pressure to converse (paradoxically, there can also be a pressure -not- to converse if you're fearful of attention). I don't blame you for being shy around big crowds-- I'm a little bit that way myself. (:
Anonymous
on
Oct 26, 2015
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That you can only answer it yourself. You know how it makes you feel and you can decide to face the fear
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HeideQueen
on
Nov 10, 2016
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To me, this is one of my "features" as an introvert. Big crowds overload me and make me anxious. Being with one person makes it feel private/intimate and really cosy! I feel like I can focus on that person better and have great talks that I only want that person to know about. It's great!
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DearyouLoveme
on
Jan 14, 2015
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You may be feeling shy because the amount of people can overwhelm you. Being with one friend can make you feel more safe as they have your full attention.
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Angel98
on
Sep 14, 2015
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Maybe because you're scared about what others could think of you. But when you're with your friend you're sure that he/she is there for you and he/she doesn't what to judge you or hurt your feelings.
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DarkAlly
on
May 31, 2016
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Why you could be shy around big crowds is because to you it may feel very overwhelming or stressful, if you feel this way you may be experiencing anxiety over big crowds.
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AFriendlyFigure25
on
Jul 26, 2017
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People tend to be more relaxed around family and friends because you are familiar to them. People are normally more confident and themselves around people they trust
Anonymous
on
Jun 22, 2018
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Maybe because you haven't accepted yourself completely so you get anxious in front of other people. Think, what is it that you feel you lack in yourself? Why do you think people will judge you? Everyone lacks something or the other, no one's perfect. So everyone is at the same par. But not everyone is shy. If you love and accept yourself, it will be easier for you to open up in front of people,which in turn will make people accept you the way you are and you'll become more likeable.
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HealingLotus
on
May 6, 2015
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Well I think a lot of people feel shy near strangers, it's a lot different when we are comfortable and with a few friends.
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LunaHymn16
on
Aug 4, 2015
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Being around big crowds puts yourself out there to be judged and scrutinized by others. Perhaps you feel more relaxed around your friend because the threat of judgement isn't present when you're around them.
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