Why do people addicted to alcohol seem to hurt you so bad but they don't realize?

I can only imagine being the individual personally going through the experience of addiction and being someone who is the loved one of someone who has an addiction is very painful on both sides. To the person with the addiction, they can feel like their loved one is exerting so much control over them, making them feel guilty and trying to restrict their need for escapism to fill up a void. To the loved one they can feel unsafe, like the person with the addiction is selfish and only cares about themselves. Please know that no matter what someone is going through you have the right to take care of your mental health. For both parties what can be explored are your triggers, trauma, and values to what is a healthy relationship dynamic for each of you. Common therapies used for addictions can be individual and group CBT and even couples therapy. You are welcome to also communicate one on one with one of our listeners on our site. Inner peace is required for both parties and I thank you for being open about this here.

I am an alcoholic who is in recovery. For me, I realized I hurt people most of the time. Sometimes I did black out and didn't remember but often I would wake up the next morning and realize what I said or did and feel ashamed or embarrassed which in all honesty caused me to want to drink again to forget - which I know is counter productive but seems to be a behavior a lot of addicts fall into. I am not in a recovery program but a lot of them focus on making amends and apologizing for their actions. I have done this, especially with my kids because my Mom was an alcoholic and I never wanted to do that to my own children. I had avoided drinking for most of my life and it's a slippery slope. I didn't intend to become an alcoholic and didn't realize I was one until I became one, if that makes sense (and even then it took me some time to realize I had a problem). If the person who you are referring to is still drinking they may be falling into a similar pattern as I described above or just in denial, You can try to talk to them about how you feel but having dealt with a lot of alcoholics and addicts, and being an alcoholic, I've learned people have to decide to quit on their own, largely. Though interventions do sometimes help them reach that point.

Addiction changes the brain, it becomes a mental illness. And just like any other mental illness it can cloud the mind sometimes.

they're in denial when sober, or even in more denial when drunk. its hard to control yourself when dealing with substance abuse, and the best way to deal with it is to try to band people together for intervention