How can I tell my friends or family that I self-harm?
34 Answers
Last Updated: 04/19/2021 at 5:54pm
Perfect therapy for people who need help. I would like to say, I never can imagine it could be possible to heal people like that
Ta
Tania
Moderated by
Polly Letsch, LCSW
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
I provide non-judgmental, person-centered, objective therapeutic treatment for individuals of all ages to improve social, emotional, mental and other areas of functioning.
Top Rated Answers
Choose a time that your family/friends are not busy & seem calm/stress-free, so it'll be a time that you know they'll be most receptive. Make sure that you feel as calm as possible as well. Tell them you'd like to share a very personal and sensitive matter and ask if it would be a good time to talk. Prepare links or print-outs beforehand that help describe your situation; you can also use these as a way to start the talk or back you up. You could also try to tell them in a letter and then give them the letter--preferably in person--if you feel more comfortable writing about it than talking about it.
When I was younger, I sat my mom down one night and just told her straight up that I self-harmed and that I wanted help. Don't feel pressured to tell anyone, but please get help.
For me, my friend asked me how my weekend was. I said that I'd show her. We went into the school bathroom, and I pulled up my sleeves and showed her. Yes, it was very hard and my anxiety levels were off the chart. Yes, we all cried our eyes out. But it was best.
Just simply tell them.
Anonymous
November 4th, 2014 7:37am
If it's hard to say it face to face, maybe you could tell them with a letter? I did that and i worked out all fine. Hope you'll feel better soon.
Anonymous
October 24th, 2014 9:25pm
First things first, take a moment to consider how they will react. What is the best scenario you can think of? And the worst one? What is what most probably happen? Make a plan or establish some ways to cope with each posible scenario. With that done, sit down and slowly (at your own pase) let the words come out. Express to them what you feel and what is going on. Be honest, with yourself and with them. If you can be patience, often its not always easy to grasp what goes on in someone else's head. Let them know what you need/want through this and how they can be supportive. If you don't know how to open up or want to practice a posible dialogue you can always reach out to a listener and let them know what you are considering and how they can help you in dealing with this situation.
If you have any friends that selfharmed themselves, you can tell them first because the so-called doorstep is lower for you to tell them, because you can know they'll understand. Then you can move on to other friends. I'm sure they'll try to help you the best they can. The same thing for your family. You don't have to tell everyone though, you can tell the people you trust the most.
When I told my parents that I had been self harming I found it easier to write a letter to them, and then try and talk about afterwards and answer questions they may have. It was scary, but I was glad I did it
Anonymous
October 10th, 2016 2:41pm
You just have to be straight about it, just get your mom or dad or anyone around a table and tell them you need help because you self-harm. Or just text them if it makes you super anxious to tell them face-to-face. It's not going to be an easy task but I guarantee you will feel better after you tell them.
From personal experience I can tell you, telling someone is the hardest part. The anxiety and fear of not being accepted or being judged can become overwhelming.
I'll be honest though. Once you tell someone, it becomes 100x easier. You now have people who support you and will help you.
Id recommend starting with a close family member or friend you trust. Tell them you have been struggling and that you need and/or want help. When you're ready, they can even help you tell other family members or friends you are more hesitant to tell.
Perhaps it would be easiest to write a letter, email or even a little text to the people you are closest too and trust the most or maybe you could tell your parents that you are struggling and need to tell them something. I think it's like getting into cold water; you need to do it quickly without thinking. Your family and friends will understand. Don't worry!
Approach them when you feel most comfortable, when you feel you're all at ease. Be serious and open.
Anonymous
September 17th, 2018 6:00pm
Telling someone you self harm can be extremely scary but it's a good step towards healing as it's always great to have some support â¤ï¸Choose someone you trust, practise what you want to say privately first and then just talk to them â¤ï¸ Sometimes it's easier to start with a letter and then speak to them in person. In the beginning don't share graphic details that might scare them and also be prepared for them to ask questions as it is likely this will be unexpected and they might be shocked and may not understand it at first.
You can express to them in a letter what you gotta say to them and hand it to them when you're ready to tell them if youre not ready to say it face to face, I know it can be hard. Otherwise, if youre up for it, you can always try practicing in the mirror what youre going to say to friends/family when you tell them and be mindful what their reactions may be and be ready for it. Stay strong remember! :)
Telling a family member or friends that you self harm is a tough thing to do. You just have to tell them so you can get then help you need.
This one is never easy, but the best thing to do would to be tp sit them down and tell them striaght forward dont try to sugar coat it or anything
You could approach them gently and tell them you have something you need to talk about. Gather them all together so they can all listen, and explain what you did and why so they understand.
Anonymous
July 21st, 2015 1:31am
It may help to tell a trusted parent first, then the rest accordingly, because the reaction will probably be worse if they just find out rather than them being told.
The best way to tell your loved ones about your problem is to be mature, calm, and patient. You need to tell them directly, without beating around the bush, and be prepared for them to freak out a little. It's a big deal, although it may not seem like it to you. But you have to stay calm and rational, help them understand that you have a problem and you need help. Also, before you tell someone, make sure you know that they will be respectful and that they won't use this information against you.
Sit them down in a place that you're comfortable in and tell them that you've been having some problems with your emotional state which led to the want and/or need to self harm.
Well think about who to tell specifically and how they would react. It's a good thing to find help
Anonymous
August 29th, 2016 3:40am
It might be helpful to wait until you feel safe/comfortable in a situation and then tell them that you would like to discuss a serious topic and hope they can keep an open mind and that you are looking for help.
Telling them outright after sitting them down to talk I found the best way. Having lots of resources prepared to give to them about self-harm can be helpful though as however they react, they have something to look at when they have given it some thought. Information that can dispel myths and give helpline numbers to friends and family of people that self-harm can help.
Anonymous
April 19th, 2021 5:54pm
doing so, you will be able to receive help and support. your family and friends care about you, hence why they will be able to support you. explain your self harm stories and situations alongside reasoning can be hard. But you don't have to tell them everything at once. It's okay to take your time and tell them parts when your ready. It can be hard and frustrating, but your mental health and wellbeing is extremely important. It's understandable that they may not be able to relate to your reasoning. but they can definitely support you with variety of solutions and help plans.
Anonymous
April 19th, 2021 3:35pm
I can ask a trusted adult to come out for a walk/drive casually. When the time is right, I can bring. up the topic of self-harm and explain to them how I feel. Although I may be nervous, I should know that it is for the better. If my trusted adult does not cope well with this, then I can talk to them about ways they could help me get past this, for instance getting a counselor. If they are truly not accepting my feelings, then I can bring this up with a trusted older friend who can talk to them.
First I suggest telling someone you trust, and catching them at the right time when there is no stress involved through out that moment of time.You could say your sorry and I accept if you are upset, mad whatever but I have self inflicted myself . trying to deal with everyday life or whatever the reason might be.
It may be easier to sit your family down and express how you are feeling and why you may not have told them in the past. It is important to state that in order to cope, you have been self harming. They will be shocked and possibly misunderstanding at first but this will settle with time.
go to them and speak up generally what self harm is and then open up your verdict that you do self harm and the reason for it am sure they'll understand and help you out..
Being honest is key, and it's good to let people who are important in your life know what's going on with you. Tell them why you self-harm, what triggers you to do this, and if you need help, tell them this. Most people are more than willing to help when you approach them honestly and tell them how you're feeling.
Anonymous
October 29th, 2014 4:25am
Talk to them one by one. Find a place where you feel comfortable and approach the topic at ur peace.
Anonymous
May 1st, 2015 2:06pm
First, you need to know to who you can trust and who is not going to judge you because you do what you do. It's hard to tell someone such a big secret but once you do, it's going to get a lot better because you'll be able to get help. So you need to tell them that you want to get help.
Talk to an expert therapist
Hi there, thank you for reading my bio. My name is Amy and I have been a LMFT...
Talk to AMY NowRelated Questions: How can I tell my friends or family that I self-harm?
why does cutting make me feel better but then bad afterwards?I harm myself on purpose. I never do it because I need to cope, I do it because I like the pain and like to have something on my body. I know I should stop, but I don't want to. Why is that?Does cutting for only a few months and stopping make me any less of a self-harmer?How do I explain scars when a young child asks about them?What do I say to people that ask about my scars without making them uncomfortable?How to deal with self-harm alone?Why do some wounds turn purple?Why can't I stop self harming when I know I should?How do I tell my parents about my old scars without feeling uncomfortable?(personal conversation with my parents always makes my skin crawl)How do I avoid self harming when on holiday with my parents? One of them makes me feel worthless and this is made worse on holiday. I've tried explaining but they thought I was threatening them.