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Ashley Cox, LMHC
Counselor
Ready for a happier, healthier life? I specialize in transformative therapy that empowers you to thrive.
Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
September 11th, 2014 1:59am
Before you express feelings of anger toward someone, ask yourself whether they know how you are feeling and if they are responsible for your feelings. If others bear some responsibility for your current situation, try to examine — or ask them — why they have made the choices in question. Chances are, they were guided by reasons that did *not* include hurting you, which was an unfortunate side effect.
When you are angry and worried about taking it out on someone, imagine the interaction you could share with them that would improve your situation, or minimally how you are feeling. Typically, eliciting positive and supportive responses is best for you, minimally by preventing more stress from discord. In other words, the fact that you're hurting from feelings of anger is your incentive to 'keep the peace' with those around you.
Some tips for coping with anger:
• Go for a power walk, perhaps with your favorite music
• Watch/listen to something funny — make sure it makes you laugh!
• Hit a punching bag, or a pillow
• Write out your feelings to get them off your chest
• Close your eyes, focus on your breathing and alternately tense and relax your body until you feel the tension start to melt away.
Anonymous
November 10th, 2014 7:09pm
To avoid taking out your anger on others, it is prudence to remember that you are dealing with human beings. That other people have feelings as well, and remember that when you are angry at others for no reasons, it just creates a bigger gap of misunderstanding between you and the person. As well as remembering that you would not liked to treated as such if you were in their shoes.
Step away from the situation, come back when you are feeling less angry and try to remember that you are not angry with them, but the situation you are in. Try mediation, it's a great way to relax and to release any negativity from your body. Work on thinking before you speak, take even just two seconds to think about what you are going to say before you say it, so you don't say anything that might offend others.
Sometimes, it's good to talk to yourself, and also meditating can help. By channelizing your thoughts or just being an observer of your thoughts can prevent a lot of unconscious decisions. Good luck !
Anonymous
September 20th, 2014 9:49pm
The best way is to find an outlet, if you are artistic try painting. If you need to wear yourself out try sports or biking. If you are in the moment and need to stop yourself, just breathe deeply and think about how you would like to be treated, If you were on the receiving end.
From personal experience, I've learned to pause for a moment and think about why I'm angry. It usually helps me identify the root of my anger; which usually isn't the immediate person I want to take my anger out on. Alternatively, I express how I'm feeling via creative writing. I find that when I express my anger and heightened emotions on paper, I don't feel the need to take my anger out on others.
Its angry control, trying to control yourself. A tip which helps me alot! ... Back away from the situation and take 10 deep breaths... In though your nose and out though your mouth! :) Your feel better for it!!
Remember everyone has got their own problems you'll be just adding them one. Others' day can be just as bad as yours, you never know how bad it might be
Ask yourself if they know how you are feeling. Step away from the situation, come to a better realization that you are not angry with them but with the overwhelming situation(s). Try breathing exercises: imagine the negativity leaving your body with each exhale. Do something you love doing: grab a book, a paper and pencil, a paintbrush, your earphones, set of weights, or jump in bed and take a rest! Remember you are trying to keep the peace.
There are many ways I have found that help me. Staying away from others to not become triggered. Step outside.
This one i've dealt with on a daily basis. One thing i've found helpful was observation. I've known a quote told to me by my father: "if you can observe a thought, then who is doing the observing". Basically he meant to say that if you can observe a thought, then it is not a part of you. By simply observing how you feel, you can calm yourself down and control those emotions so much better. This is a part of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and is a technique used in meditation and yoga. It is very effective, and I would definitely recommend that you do some research on the techniques. A great resource which can help you manage those emotions actually comes right here from 7 Cups! BEHOLD: The managing emotions guide!!! https://www.7cups.com/help-managing-emotions/
Hope that helps! :D
Anonymous
November 9th, 2014 6:30pm
You have to look into yourself and see what it is that sets you off when you take your anger out on others. See what it is that you gain from lashing out instead of holding it inside. See if there is a way that you can possibly reap the benefits without hurting others. The more aware you are of your actions, the more power you have over them.
Excising is a great way to let anger out, especially when you are not angry at anyone in particular, but more at a situation. You let out all the negative energy, and you get a work out along with it:) For those with less time, even blinking in a specific pattern while trying to remember why you were angry takes your mind off of things. Just remember that others may get angry as well, and when you are not angry and would rather have someone to go to, these people can become distant.
If you are known for lashing out on others when you are angry then I suggest that you isolate yourself from others when you are angry until you feel like you are alright enough to not lash on the people who have nothing to do with whatever angered you in the first place.
Learning intrapersonal (self) communication has led me to avoid taking my anger out on others. I learned to identify the point in which I become angry and identify what is triggering the anger response. When I cannot cope with it in a safe, stable way, removing myself from situations has been the most beneficial response to such a situation. In conversation, saying things like "I would like to discuss this another time" or "I am not currently comfortable speaking with you right now" puts you in control of the situation. Offer another time to speak with or interact with that person "I will speak with you about this after lunch" or "Can we schedule a time to meet with x person to help us work through this?" are markers that identify to the other individual that you understand their concerns and want to address them, but now is not the right time. If you are taking your anger out on individuals close to you, rather than strangers, preempt the situation by explaining that sometimes when x happens, you feel a certain way, and would appreciate space and time rather than their active participation as more appropriate support. If a stranger angers you, understand that you responding with anger will only justify their emotion; responding in a neutral, passive way will dissipate the overall anger in the interpersonal situation and can help ground other people's emotions, not only your own.
Anonymous
April 10th, 2017 12:45pm
Anger is something that affects you more than it affects the people you are taking it out on. Accept that fact. It sounds clichéd but count to ten, twenty, fifty and so on till you feel a little relaxed. Say everything in your head first to know what it sounds like. Filter your words and use them wisely. Do not hurt anyone physically or emotionally.
when it comes to anger managment, the long term solution is always trying to solve the real cause of your anger, who are you angry at? what causes you to feel anger? in which situations do you feel this way?, but, since it is a long process and being angry makes us treat the ones we love in a mean or distant way, what really helpes through this process is channeling this anger to other energy consuming activities, such as sports, writing, drawing, or just going out for a walk.
You can always do exercise that will help you relay your anger towards a punching bag or running with your favorite music on. Then again, you can just take a time out and step away from the situation and breathe for a while to calm yourself down in regards to the issue you are angry about.
Understand why you are angry. Try not to take your negativity out on others, instead talk to people about why you are angry, in an aid to resolve the anger peacefully.
If you know you're getting ready to be angry, try removing yourself from people. If you know you're going to slip up and say something that might be taken as rude, try and remove yourself from the conversation.
You need to find a healthy outlet for your anger, such as a hobby or even therapy to learn how to control your anger. Sometimes there's breathing exercises you can do when you feel that you're becoming uncontrollably angry, so if that happens and you feel like you can't control it then just leave the room! That way it avoids conflict and nobody would get hurt from the outcome.
Anonymous
January 27th, 2016 11:07pm
Walk away. walk away seems the best thing to do. If you starting to feel your anger about to come out because someone said something about themselves or you just walk away and ignore. Dont let whatever got you upset take over and take it out on others who are innocent in what is wrong.
Anonymous
January 27th, 2016 5:28am
Squeeze a stress ball! It really helps or just bounce it against the wall . Listen to a music video? Play a game in your head? Go out and get some fresh air and come back with a clear head?
I recommend when you feel angry, remind yourself of the things that make you happy. Or you could simply count to ten and control your breathing.
When you are angry move away from the situation or the person for a while move your focus onto some thing else , have water .
Find a calming hobby that you can easily do whenever is possible, so when you feel angry or frustrated you can just shut your door and calmly regain your cool.
Anonymous
January 20th, 2016 6:56am
I got myself a gym membership and take my frustration out on the boxing punching bag -- it's safe and won't get me into any trouble.
Its good to always take a step back and think about what you are going to do and what will be in it for you before you do anything. When it comes to anger it is always the spur of the moment that you normally regret later.
Instead of taking out the anger on others, I give myself time to pause, breathe and relax. Analyse the situation carefully and slowly talk it out. Oh! and have a cup of tea too~
Breath in and out.
Anger is an external reposnse to an internal issue. It is always an issue with yourself.
Ask yourself why you are angry?
Keep digging down and down.
Keep asking you the question until you stop blaming it on others and realise it is an issue within yourself.
How do you feel whe you see angry people on the street? Do you feel disgust? Do you think it is a good emotion to have? Controlling your anger is the strongest thing you can do. Think about when you were a student. Did anyone like the angry teachers? What did you think about the angry teachers?
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