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Tania
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Brenda King, PsyD
Psychologist
I treat life changes, women’s issues, and issues of aging using evidence-based treatments with healthy doses of warmth, empathy and humor to enhance healing and growth.
Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
March 8th, 2019 5:53am
Happiness isnt a sense of having anything good, maybe you just havent found the purpose your life is looking for. Maybe you're not around the right people. Maybe you're not in an environment that will make you feel happy. You have to ask these questions to yourself to help you understand why YOU, yourself are not happy. That or you can talk to any of us here and we can help you reflect on that gray area you might not be able to mentally reach all by yourself. We're always here to help, never be afraid to contact anyone.
sadness isn't always a logical thing! whether it's chemical, or even the result of something that you didn't know bothered you as much as it did. i've certainly seen that in a lot of people, even when their life situation gets better, and the things that were supposed to be upsetting them the most are no longer an issue, they still struggle with low mood. i guess it's just about talking it out, preferably a therapist, and identifying the little things that are gonna help keep you afloat until you can work out what's causing you the unhappiness, if anything
It basically has got something to do with your thoughts and with your mind. Happiness is not something that you can get from outside. Happiness is already there within you. Happiness is a decision. If you want to be happy, you will decide to be happy and you will definitely be happy. You have the supreme control over your emotions. You are the controller of you emotions. Nobody or nothing external can affect your emotions unless you give them the power to. So instead of seeing happiness as something that you receive from outside, look at it as an emotion that's always been within you to which you have the access to at anytime and anywhere.
We can all feel a bit out of place at times. I want you to take a step back and smell the roses if you will! Look at all the gifts you have been given and remember that you are here for a reason. Remember that your purpose is to find what that reason is! Every day is the beginning of the rest of your life, which is a gift in and of itself. Take the time to use that gift by volunteering, trying a new food, exercising a bit more, planning a trip to Italy. No matter how old you are or where you may be, the world is your oyster!
Maybe, there are few unrealized emotions you have that are stopping you from being happy. There are times when humans try and suppress our emotions and feelings, just to feel good. But sometimes these emotions and feelings piles up and makes us really feel upsetting or sad. You can either think what are those unrealized emotions that you've been suppressing or maybe try wondering what makes you happy [ This might be a task, as you arent happy today even after having a good life ] Identifying what makes you happy is a task but, its worth giving it a try. That way you'll know about things that makes you happy and you would eventually do those things that make happy.
Anonymous
December 1st, 2018 4:56am
Even if you may have a good life, you can sometimes may not be happy, or may feel an emptiness inside. Though you might have friends, family, good food, education, and so much you can be thankful for, you still could not feel happy because you might not feel like you are complete. It could be procrastination, previous unpleasant memories of other people who may have hurt, maybe because you haven’t found love yet, or maybe because you haven’t achieved a goal you were really determined on. These could all lead to your unhappiness, but it’s always better to check with a professional, such as a doctor. I hope this helps!
Anonymous
September 1st, 2021 3:21pm
Happiness is more about the way you perceive life as opposed to the things that are actually occurring in your life. You may believe you have a "good life" (which can mean completely different things to each person as some people think a good life is having a good job and stable income while others think it is about finding someone they can love for the rest of their life), so you think you SHOULD be happy, but you view things in a manner that makes you unhappy. It is totally understandable and I can relate to that - it's okay to have a "good life" and still feel unhappy. Part of it can have to do with using more gratitude to appreciate the goodness in our lives, no matter how small. Another thing could be setting goals for yourself and asking yourself if the current life you have is the ideal life you want. Maybe you have a good job, but maybe it isn't something you're passionate about, so at the end of the day you have a stable life that feels like it lacks purpose. When you do feel happy, take note of what it is that made you feel that way, and try to implement it into your life as much as possible.
Anonymous
September 2nd, 2021 3:03pm
Sometimes when what we define as a good life and a happy life may not align with each other. For example, I could define a good life as being financially stable, and a happy life when I could have time for my travelling hobby. If my job that keeps me financially stable (and have a good life), is so demanding that I could not travel and satisfy my hobby, then I would feel unhappy. So it is all about the gap in how you define your good life and happiness. That's my take on this. It could also be different for everyone.
There are many reasons why despite having a good life, we tend to feed unhappy. Unhappiness is not your fault, but something that comes naturally to humans as a result of certain things.
In the age of social media, we often compare our lives to others. From seeing how they live, we belive that the grass is greener on the other side. In seeing what others have, we tend to forget what we have been blessed with. By considering what we have, rather than what we don't, we can feel much more content within ourselves.
Futhermore, many people now feel the urge to dress a certain way to impress others. This may be by wearing a certain style of clothes or buying specific brands. According to science, materialism won't make us happy. By embracing what is unique about yourself can help you to become more happy.
A third reason can be simply not getting outside enough. Decreased sunlight can lead to a drop in seratonin - the hormone that stabilises our mood and happiness. Getting more exposure to sun also has other health benefits such as stronger bones and decreased risk of certain cancers. It is important to get out to improve mental wellbeing.
Anonymous
November 7th, 2018 9:19pm
Having a good life has a positive effect on being happy, however it is not always enough itself. Sometimes even if every thing seems like great, we can feel somehow unhappy. Also, it can cause us to feel bad about why we are unhappy even if we have a good lives. Don't accuse yourself for that. It is happening in some part of our lives. It can be a chance to explore new pathways or it can guide you to explore your inside. It is being at peace with yourself. You can practice writing the things you would like to change in your life (daily tasks, relationships, emotions etc.), and you can score them. Then, maybe it is time to make them really happen. Hope it helps to your question. Best wishes,
Anonymous
October 21st, 2021 1:11am
Its always normal to not be happy with everything that you have. You can be living a great life with a roof over your head and have great family and/or friends, but there will always be something deep within us that we feel is missing. And that missing piece is within us. I too went through a phase like this, and to help I focused on myself. I needed to understand what in my life needs improvement. You may have a good life, but is it the life that you want, you may living a good life on behalf of someone else, and it is important to know that. Because pointing that out will help you improve on how you feel about life.
I really hope that helped open your mind to a few things. And I am sorry if it didn't help.
True, lasting Happiness doesn't comes from the external circumstances of life. The conditions of external life might make us happy temporarily. Money and Material objects come and go. Relationships and opportunities bloom and then disintegrate. Our body is sometimes healthy, other times we are riddled with illness and pain. We might feel happy while the currents of life are shifting in our favor. But then we suffer when they change or don't go our way. People suffer or thrive similarly whether they have a good life full of resources, or a very difficult life devoid of opportunity. A wealthy person could be stuck in a state of constant misery, while a person with very little might be radiating in a state of bliss. The difference lies within. The true source of fulfillment and happiness is deep within oneself. This is based in the condition of one's own inner Mental / Emotional landscape. And it is also based on how each of us chooses to view our life and everything around us. We choose how we want to create meaning in each and every moment of life. And the way we create that meaning brings either pain and suffering, or expansion towards happiness. Although the Mind sometimes feels like it has "a mind of it's own," the truth is that we can learn to master ourselves, question our own unhelpful thoughts and emotions, and find that coveted source of peace and happiness within. Every person who finds the Source of Silence, Wisdom, and Peace deep within themselves will experience lasting happiness no matter what happens in their life. This is the kind of self growth and transformation that is worth striving for. Never give up. Never stop working on yourself. Never stop growing. We are like a beautiful Lotus flowers reaching through the mud in order to open to towards the light into full bloom.
Anonymous
October 24th, 2021 9:52am
It can be frustrating when it can seem on the outside that everything is in place but you don't feel happy. Maybe you could try looking inward at what is making you feel unhappy , even if it seems that it is not something worth being unhappy about. For example, the big house that you worked hard to get, but are now feeling the pressure from the high monthly payments. Or sometimes, it may have to do with self-worth; is your job fulfilling you. It is a hard question to answer and getting some help is always a great step forward.
Anonymous
November 3rd, 2018 6:32pm
Some people feel this way even if everything is perfectly fine maybe because of a chemical imbalance in the brain. That is what causes some mental illnesses, because you haven't got enough of a certain chemical in the brain, such as serotonin, which causes you to become less happy. Sometimes it could be a change in your life that triggers it, and sometimes there's no specific reason. It could be because you are lonely or anything. It still doesn't mean that what you are feeling is less valid in any way and anyone feeling like this should probably still get help. Remember that you aren't alone, there are other people that have a good life but aren't happy, just like you.
Anonymous
August 1st, 2018 11:09pm
Being unhappy even tho everything around us seems to be okay can be caused by many things. In my case is was lack of human interaction. Friends are really important. Don't forget about them.
Each person sees happiness differently. Some it could be success others it could be having a roof over their head. sometimes we get to a bad time place or time in our lives. It’s hard a people when we go through rough times to cope. When things go wrong we tend to blame our selves and look at the negative. When things That are bad happen I find it help to look at the positive things. For example I made it through the day my family is cared for they are alive and all our needs are met. Sometimes reminding our selves that at least we tried can help you turn those bad thoughts around.
Maybe you haven't identified your purpose yet. the lack of sense of satisfaction might be what makes you sad
Anonymous
July 8th, 2018 9:41am
In my experience, I think happiness has little to do with having a good life. You're not going to be happy anywhere if it's stagnant. Happiness comes from growing and moving forward constantly.
Anonymous
July 19th, 2018 5:02am
Having a good life doesn't equate to having happiness. Happiness isn't quantified by materials or the tangibles in life, Happiness can be simple, gained from simple things such as helping someone out, or even allowing yourself to take a break form work. The reason why people who are leading average or above average life aren't happy is because they have lots of expectations of themselves in terms of their materialistic needs and work goals. They lose themselves in the midst of chasing those dreams that they neglect their own happiness and self-care.
Anonymous
April 20th, 2022 3:15pm
There must be some reason why you do not feel fulfilled. There might be someone in your life who's approval you need or you might feel like you don't deserve to feel happy. The answer to why you feel this way can only be found within you as only you know how you truly feel. Do some reflection and see what you find about yourself. It's ok to feel this way, you just need to know that you are valued and your feelings matter. Take some time for yourself to figure this out and there will always be a listener ready if you want to talk.
We spend so much time trying to be what society wants us to be. (have kids, buy a house, get married etc.) that I think that some people never stop to consider that although society is pressuring you to strive for these things, but do I actually want all of this? Its been drilled into our heads since childhood to want and obtain these things. We all our different and want different things. I realize you have a lot, but do you have what you want?
You’re not satisfied. Find something that makes you genuinely happy. What’s missing in your life? Marriage ? Kids? Love? Find what’s missing and then you’ll find happiness
Happiness can mean different things for different people. It can be a promotion at work, flying your first plane, or becoming the next president. But for others it can be a cup of tea on a cold night watching a romcom for the 100th time with a best friend. Start by finding out what happiness means to you. Happiness is an emotion and like any emotion it grows with practice. It is a journey not a destination that can manifest in different ways, feeling blessed, feeling relaxed, feeling secure. It can propel you to reflect and grow. Enjoy the ride.
There's a popular song by Bobby McFerrin called "Don't Worry, Be Happy." It's a great sentiment. If we could all stop worrying and choose to be happy, that would be wonderful, but for some people, it's not that simple. We all have the desire to obtain happiness, yet at times it appears to be unattainable. Obstacles are standing in your way. It might be a matter of slowing down your pace and analyzing what's stopping you from being content in life. It's natural to become frustrated when you can't seem to find joy in anything and think, "Why can't I just be happy?" The reality is you can't force yourself to be happy if you're not. What you can do is recognize negative thought patterns that keep cycling and make a concerted effort to change them. You may need the help of a licensed therapist or mental health professional to accomplish these goals.
My answer would be to look closely at the areas that you may not be as happy in, ask yourself what is it about that area i can improve, how can i do that? asking how is always the way to move forward and change. If you ask why too much you can end up with one foot in the past.
Each person has a different view for a good life. How do you define it? For me, a good life means having our firends and relatives around us, being able to learn new things....We should look at some aspects in our life and see what we are missing, so we can be happier.
Happiness is deep inside everybody. You are happy , you just don’t let yourself think so. The real change is in your mind so try to focus on what’s making ypur days negative and erase it! What can make you feel sad?
People define having a good life with things that are essential my needed.Money, a good education, and a good job. You may have all of that but those things aren't what defines the meaning of happiness to you. Look around in life and find those little things that make you happy, like some hobbies. I hope you're feeling better and more happy ☺.
A lot of the times we don't think that because we have a stable job, roof over our heads, food in our belly and a decent amount of people in our life whom care for us is enough to say we are happy, we are just feeling more fortunate than anything else. A lot of times people can somewhat ignore this feeling with drugs or alcohol or things they enjoy doing, or finding new people in their lives or changing a part of their life or even quitting their job to do what they really love. Happiness is all what you set and want it to be, and it only comes from you. Some people or things might give off that feeling, but you'll definitely know and feel it when it's actual happiness.
Emotions are funny...
They aren't predictable, are they?
Sometimes people who have seemingly difficult lives can seem pretty happy, while people who have good lives can feel unhappy.
When we feel fine, we don't give it much thought, but when we feel sad, we can wonder why, and how to stop it. Sometimes that sadness can make us angry with ourselves. We can tell ourselves it's stupid we feel sad, or we imagine something must be wrong with us.
Rest assured, there is nothing wrong with you.
Everyone can feel down, even when things are going smoothly.
To get through those periods when you feel low, try not to beat yourself up. Remember that the feelings will pass. Tell yourself that you're allowed to feel whatever, it is ok to feel however you do. Even when it's hard, it's good to feel things.
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