Why do I feel like I'm cheating on him still, even though we broke up months ago?
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Last Updated: 05/07/2022 at 1:54pm
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Usually after breakups, you still feel that attachment that you had with the person because you are so used it. It's okay to feel this way. It just takes time to move on. You shouldn't rush things to make it go away. Especially if you think dating somebody else is going to take that feeling away. Learn how to heal and find your independence. Your worth is what matters. Once you've worked on yourself internally and became the best person you can be, you wouldn't feel the need to stay loyal to your ex lover. You wouldn't feel that attachment that became a routine for you. You can get through it just trust the process.
The simple solution is to accept the reality that anything you and your ex had is now over, that your relationship with your ex is over and you should move on. Alternate solutions are to stop speaking to another girl, as if that's the cause for you feeling that way, stopping that behavior will likely stop that feeling. Or go back to your ex, which is what I'd guess is what you want to do and hence the reason why you feel this way. Maybe after your ex tells you that "it's over" for the Nth time you will finally realize it and that it's impossible to actually cheat on someone who you have really broken up with (not just a break, but a full break up). Accept the fact that your ex is exactly that. Your ex. Your past. Stop the denial. Maybe you secretly hope to get back with her without the two of you having lovers in between the break. If you go to someone new you then have to accept the fact that she will too or maybe has done so already!! She probably already did. They recover and move on faster than guys. She can get a tinder date one-night stand in as quickly as 15 minutes regardless if she’s pretty or not.
Move on brother. Life is short. Live the experience before it’s gone
Anonymous
December 9th, 2020 11:04pm
Maybe you just still feel connected to him. If your not together your not cheating so don’t worry or feel bad about it. You don’t own anyone any explanations. If your still talking or if he’s still in your life or maybe you just feel connected to him in a way you might be holding on to that. What your feeling isn’t abnormal. If he isn’t in your life any more and you want to get your mind of him or the break up try to focus on yourself, other relationships, or friends and family. Hope this helps you
You clearly are displaying feelings for the individual this is part of the break up process it takes time depending on the length of the intimate relationship you were just in this will pass don’t worry your feelings will dissipate in so time this just means you had strong feelings at the time with that individual this is completely normal nothing to worry about what so ever so there should be no need to regret your moving on process you can’t cheat on something your not currently attached to this completely normal nothing to be afraid or ashamed of
Anonymous
January 6th, 2021 3:48pm
The reason why you might be feeling this way is because you might still have feelings for him. Perhaps you feel guilty for moving on nd leaving him behind even though you two aren't together. Sometimes when you breakup with someone you can end up still having feelings for that person so moving on can feel wrong, or you could be having a hard time excepting that you two broke up so in your mind being with someone else feels wrong or it feels like your cheating
Part of you still associates loyalty to this person, even though you aren’t together. Perhaps you feel guilt towards the situation? Or maybe you are struggling to adjust to being alone? You can put strategies in place to identify negative thoughts and feelings associated with moving on and accepting changes associated with learning to live a life without that person, even if it takes some time to get used to. You can do this, it’ll just take some getting used to. Perseverance is key in this situation, just trust the process, time is a healer. Give yourself time and be patient.
Anonymous
January 13th, 2021 1:12am
it sounds like you are still experiencing negative thoughts on the breakup, even after it has ended. This may be for a number of reasons such as feelings of guilt or experiencing racing thoughts on the past which can be hard to let go of. Breakups can be hard and may take some time to move on however there is hope, this feeling will not last forever and will go away! Have you read the 7 cups forum linking to anxiety? it sounds like you may be feelings this from the past. Could you explain to me what makes you feel this way?
Anonymous
February 17th, 2021 7:01pm
Sometimes, even after the end of a relationship, we can feel residual loyalties to the people we were once committed to in that relationship. It's understandable that in the months following a break up, you might still feel a tendency to show deference to those previous loyalties. When we are loyal to a relationship for a time, it can be difficult to shake the mindset of being loyal to that relationship. Perhaps that has something to do with why you feel like you are cheating, when, in actuality, you are not, because the relationship has come to a close.
Anonymous
March 10th, 2021 5:15pm
Being devoted to a partner for a long time means agreeing to terms of the relationship which usually includes remaining faithful to that person. After separating, this feeling of devotion can still linger, even though you're no longer together. It's perfectly normal to feel that sense of 'guilt' when you choose to flirt, meet, love, or be with someone else. The important thing to remember is that the feeling of guilt is only residual from the past relationship, and there is no real reason to be guilty of moving on. You are not cheating if you move on after breaking up with a partner, it's okay and many others know the feeling
Anonymous
April 11th, 2021 4:25am
when you say months exactly how many months has it been? sometimes it does take time to forget someone especially if you were together a long time. they do say that when you break up with someone it takes twice as long to forget them as it did to get to know them. are you actively dating other people? why does moving on make you feel like you are cheating on the other person? you have the right to move on from a previous relationship but if you find yourself not being able to move on from a relationship it may help you to seek professional help
When we get so attached to the other person and when we have been a certain way for a long time, i think we get used to of it. The other reason might be because perhaps we haven't moved on from that person. We haven't moved on from what used to be and we haven't realized truly how things are now. But have faith, things will change and get better. You have to talk to yourself. Make yourself realize things. Get it into your head that it's in the past and now you're in a different position and a different person.
Anonymous
May 13th, 2021 1:10am
I understand exactly how you are feeling. That happens often when you are so used to being with someone and having loyalty to them. It could also mean you still love them. It is always so hard getting over a break up and things can feel weird for a while. Hopefully it gets easier as time passes. Hopefully the person you are seeing understands that you are needing some patience and time to work through that. But again as time passes it should get easier. You can also try reminding yourself that you are not cheating on them and that might help
Anonymous
May 28th, 2021 6:25pm
Sometimes even when two people decide that they don't want to carry on in a relationship, it does not necessarily mean that we don't feel anything for the other person anymore. Love is not a contract that ends when the relationship is over. Emotional connections take time to heal after the split. We cannot switch it on and off according to our needs. There is nothing wrong in what you are feeling. It may just mean that you have to give yourself some more time. Sometimes all we need to do is accept what our heart tells us and don't try to run away from what it tells you. When you are ready, it will tell you.
Sometimes, in my own experience, when ending a relationship with another, a girl in my experience i also felt the same thing and this is typically due to the fact that you may have only broken up with him a few months ago. Additionally the longer and more loving the intital relationship that you were in was has an even greater effect on why you may feel this way.
Also some partners may be abusive hence why the relationship ended this has the capacity to have an impact on your mental health whichcould also be something that adds to why you may feel this way.
It sounds like your heart hasn't caught up with what your brain already knows. I would need more context in this situation but assuming the relationship lasted a long time, it probably feels unusual to see other people. It may take you some time to be able to completely move on. If you still have some feelings for him, you might feel unfaithful or like you are betraying your feelings to him by trying to move on. In no way should this stop you from living your life because you deserve to feel love but maybe you should try to ask yourself what you need in order to feel okay with going forward. Or if you want to take him back.
Anonymous
July 29th, 2021 6:17am
Hi. Sorry to hear about your break up.
The loss of a relationship is hard to cope with. I can relate to what you’re feeling right now.
However, to understand your situation better I need to ask you first, what was the reason of your break up? The purpose of this question is to understand your problem better.
There can be a number of reasons to why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling. It could be anxiety, guilt, feelings of loneliness or some other emotion in play. But the first step to know what is your reason was, so that we can try to understand the feelings associated with it.
Maybe you are still talking to him? Maybe you haven't yet gotten used to the idea that now you are no longer his partner.
Sometimes forgetting that we are in another phase of our lives and not necessarily with that person anymore, makes us feel a little stuck in the feeling that they are, somehow still around. Maybe a part of you still wants to be with him, or you are so used to be with him that it has become a bit like a part of you.
Try to remember from time to time that you are no longer in a relationship with that person, there will be a moment in which you will come to accept in your routines that it has changed.
Anonymous
February 18th, 2022 4:10am
After a breakup, it is normal to have feelings for an ex still. Most likely, you've shared many inf you still love an ex, that is normal and OK. It just meansth parties feel sad for losing the other person, even if things weren't all that happy when you ended things. If your ex is trying to contact you, or maybe even trying to speak to you at weird hours, then it might be a sign they still think about you. ... If they still check in, chances are they still think about you.Feb 26, 2021 that you are processing the many emotions that come with being in a relationship," says Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Psychologist, and Hope for Depression Research Foundation's Media Advisor. Of course, it may feel as though your entire world is over.timate moments and memories. It's completely normal to love an ex still, especially if it is true love. After a time, that love can fade, especially if you meet someone new and you're falling in love again
Anonymous
April 1st, 2022 6:53pm
This could be a sign of attachment issues. It is important to take a step back and remember that phase is over now. The relationship has ended and it is time to move forwards. Baby steps are still steps. Focus on yourself and what ever it is that makes you happy. You should not feel remorse, embarrassment, or guilt for exploring new relationships. After all the relationship has ended. It is important to remember you own nothing to anyone. It takes a lot of courage to speak up and ask for help. That take a lot of courage, thank you for sharing.
It could be that, while you may not be in love, you still care for this person. Especially if you ended on good terms and if it was a lengthy relationship. Everyone leaves an imprint on our souls. The closer they are to you the harder it is to not think about that person, and their well being. With time, that should fade. I have felt that way myself. Its bizarre, it eventually got better and the guilt was gone. But that person will always be a part of me, and I’ve tried to look at all the growing we did to help me get through the growing apart phase. I hope this helps. I spoke from my heart which is why it may seem….as a philosophical… or at least an attempt to be. Be kind to yourself, and enjoy the moment. We’re all here to talk you through the rough patches. We will all be ok, together. Take care.
We get attached to our loved ones in a very deep way, to the point where when we break up with our significant others, we tend to feel guilty later after a while. This feeling is completely normal and it may be because we got so used to the way we used to live and behave while we were still together with that specific person. You need to remind yourself that what you are doing is not wrong. And it is okay to explore your options. However, if you really feel like what you're doing is also "wrong" in a way, it may be better to reassess your choices. This may be because you haven't completely moved on yet or you still haven't resolved your own issues. We usually feel this way when we still have lingering thoughts or feelings for our significant other. Everyone goes through this and you are not alone. Moving on takes a lot of time, but it doesn't mean you will not be able to do it. You will be able to move on. You can and you will.
A couple things can lead to this feeling the first being who did the breaking up? If it wasn't you then your feelings are likely still linked to your ex and are still intense.
Trying to move on simply feels wrong because you still care for you ex. The other causes can simply be because you miss your ex and the safety the relationship provided.
Change is scary and sometimes your brain gets confused on how it feels.
Keep moving forward though as the more you get used to dating and meeting new people the sooner these feelings will effect you.
If they get worse or you're still not feeling comforable then maybe take a break from trying to date
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