Perfect therapy for people who need help. I would like to say, I never can imagine it could be possible to heal people like that
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Tania
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Andrea Tuck, LCPC
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I tackle and discuss a multitude of social and emotional health issues. I have a belief that through empowerment and non-judgmental support clients' can thrive.
Top Rated Answers
Because it is easier to make yourself look bad than realize that the other person is not who you believed they were. You tend to want to keep that good image of them you once had.
Anonymous
May 9th, 2018 5:31am
I think part of it is our minds looking for closure, and we want to understand what went wrong and how things could have been different. This doesn't mean it is all your fault though, but I understand the blaming because I have done it after past break ups aswell. I hope you can find peace and move forward in your life.
Anonymous
May 13th, 2018 10:13am
Don't blame yourself for a break up, these things happen. It's all apart of growing up and it teaches us lessons. But blaming yourself for a break up won't help you to grow and take away the nice things from your relationship. A break-up always happens because of something and generally break-ups are two way things.
Anonymous
May 19th, 2018 8:22am
happens with most of the people. we think if we can do something to make things work, and that does not happen
Anonymous
July 6th, 2018 3:08pm
It’s normal to blame yourself when things don’t work out. its just something you’re going through for a while. the problem is not in you, the real proble Is in comunication and facing the problem with the other problem
Anonymous
July 8th, 2018 10:38am
probably because the other person is making it seem like you’re the one to blame. know the situation before you believe it.
Maybe you feel that you have not been good enough which makes you think that you are to be blamed for the breakup.
That's not your fault it's human nature to do that. When we have something we take it forgranted as it was last forever but it won't and when it's gone we start blaming ourselves that we could do this and that. Nothing lasts forever so keep everything in mind when you start a relationship.
Anonymous
August 12th, 2018 8:23pm
Because you have low confidence from the break up so it’s easier to blame your self than look for the logical explanation
Anonymous
August 16th, 2018 4:39pm
That happens with many people, mostly the kind ones who know how bad it feels to get blamed for, so they take the blame upon themselves. There are also those who are not confident about themselves and tend to find faults in themselves. I have friends who blame themselves for anything that affects their relationship and try to find where they went wrong, or what part of them needs to be changed (even though personally, I think they are perfectly fine the way they are). I have also met those who have been through a bad period in their life which develops this feeling.
Because deep down you still love your partner and this makes it easier for your partner as you shoulder the responsibilities. You are a good person.
You do not want your partner to feel so much pain therefore you had to make the choice to take everything in yourself. This is irregardless of what was the cause of the breakup or malfunction of the relationship.
Anyone else could have just blamed their partner for the "Breakup" or "drift" but how many can truly make the ultimate sacrifice like you did? I believe deep down you know the answer behind your question.
Anonymous
September 27th, 2018 6:17pm
Sometimes, especially when we ourselves have personal insecurities, it’s easy to blame one person or the other for a breakup. Most times, it’s a mutual conglomerate of error from both sides. No one is perfect, yet this tends to be skewed aggressively towards one or the other party. They or myself. Learn to work things out civilly, it’s the key to all relationships in life. Work on the self before trying to fix and work on outside relationships. How can we expect our relationships to survive when we can’t nurture ourselves first? This is the key to a healthy relationship, a healthy self.
You blame yourself for the break-up because you are insecure of your own abilities. You think that the other person is perfect, and have done nothing wrong. That is not true. In a relationship, it always takes 2. Even if you have made the decision to break up, you have every right to follow your gut and happiness, even if it means temporary sadness for the other person. Ultimately, you have to follow what is best for you, and both of you, but there is absolutely nothing wrong from running away from a toxic relationship! Self love is everything, so get started and never justify your actions again.
I think it's very natural to push the blame on yourself when it comes to a break up - the reality is, that both parties have usually contributed something to the reason why the break up came to pass. It's very easy to make someone a saint in your mind when you are missing the idea of them, but the reality is that there are usually valid reasons why things didn't work out. Breaking up with someone you love is never easy - and sometimes people can be compulsive and rather harsh on themselves for those spontaneous decisions.
Anonymous
March 15th, 2019 9:58pm
It is normal to blame yourself after a breakup. Even if you were the one that got dumped. Breakups could leave you questioning what went wrong, and often times when that happens, people rule themselves as the main reason the breakup happened. Keep in mind that this is just a post breakup stage. It will pass eventually. Blaming yourself is something you should always try to avoid, try doing something that gets your mind off of them. Whether it be exercise, your favourite hobby, listening to music, whatever it is just do it. Keep in mind that most times breakups don't happen because one person did all the wrong un the relationship, but because you 2 as individuals weren't meant to be together.
I'm sorry your feeling so bothered by this. Maybe change your perspective. Start small and work your way to a conclusion. What is it about the breakup that makes you feel as if it's your fault? It's a natural response to feel bad after a breakup. Majority of people feel either sad or as if they're the one to blame. Breakups are a natural part of life and they can teach us more about our own strengths and weaknesses if viewed from the right angle. If you see things from a different perspective, breakups can be great learning opportunities.
Things happen, people get into fights, and breakups happen: It's all a part of this thing we call life and the best thing we can do is embrace it. Blaming yourself for a breakup probably comes down to you knowing that your actions could have been part of what lead to the breakup in the first place. Another reason why you might blame yourself for a breakup is because you can't stop looking back on what once was. You can't stop thinking about what you did or did not do while you were in the relationship. You need to realize that nobody is at fault here, including you. Breakups are a part of life and we all go through them at least once in our lives. :)
The reason for blaming ourselves often comes from insecurities and not being aware of our positive traits and only focusing on the negatives. We only look into ourselves but not into the relationship itself. There are always two individuals involved, and usually it is more complicated than, one of them is to blame.
Seeing what we did wrong is important, because that’s the only way we can better ourselves in the future, so we won’t make the same mistakes over and over again.
But blaming ourselves (or others) does no good, because it blinds us and we see no way around it. We need to accept, that there are things that we could have done better. But we should not limit ourselves to these mistakes, these are not the things that define us, these are the things that show us where can we improve.
I feel like this is very common with many people. In my experience, I blamed myself for a breakup because at that time I was still very vulnerable from the breakup, I was emotionally impacted by everything. I did a lot of self reflection which made me see my own flaws and mistakes that i had been making in that relationship. While this can be helpful, we also have to see the other person’s flaws and mistakes, and realize that it isn’t all our fault. Also, right after a breakup, we can still idolize the other person which might make it difficult to see their mistakes, thus we blame ourselves.
Many people tend to take the blame for a breakup because it’s easier than to assess the complete situation. Relationships are very complex social structures and both partners are responsible for the way the relationship works out. Also taking the blame, a person scared of confrontation can defuse a situation and avoid an even bigger conflict. And perhaps when taking the blame upon oneself alone, the other person is more likely to forgive and they might give the relationship another chance. Seen from this perspective it’s perfectly understandable why one would take the blame, however it is unfair towards oneself and your partner/ex won’t be able to improve themselves without being confronted with their own mistakes.
It's so much easier to blame ourselves. At least for me, when I have strong feelings for my partner, it's so much easier to think of my own faults, question everything I said or did than it is to think of their flaws and mistakes. I also think it's easier to blame myself if I'm hoping to learn something from the breakup? Breakups are so hard and to find peace with them, I often feel like I have to learn something from them and in that case, I'm usually thinking of what I did wrong and how I could do better in future relationships.
Anonymous
October 31st, 2019 4:52pm
what happens when you lose something you love is that you start searching for reasons and mostly you start by searching for it in you which isn’t a bad thing and you can learn a lot about you and your future choices but if you are not taking care of you and your emotions well it is easy to go from self learning to self-blame, you can also go to breakup training on seven cups which has explained a lot about how to come over a breakup and how to control its resaults on how you feel about you and your future plans!!
The tendency to blame oneself for the breakup derived from lack of self-esteem. From my experience, it is a painstakingly challenging period where you would be constantly thinking what went wrong. I discover having support system such as trusted friends and listeners would ease the process better. I can’t make life better but I can try making myself better. You can’t change how things are in the past but you can try dealing how you perceive the whole situation. It is hard but you need time to heal. So, take one step at a time and remember, you matter.
Anonymous
December 18th, 2019 2:34am
I don't think you should blame yourself for the breakup or anything... Just because the relationship didn't work doesn't mean it's your fault...
It actually just means it wasn't the right relationship for you... The right relationship would come, although it might take awhile to find it but it would come... Don't blame yourself anymore it's going to hurt you more than help you â˜ºï¸ ðŸ˜Š... Engaging in other things can help take your mind of a breakup and mostly at ease and when you feel better too doesn't mean you jump to another relationship you have to make sure it's the right one🙂
Anonymous
March 8th, 2020 2:31pm
Breakups are tough, and more often than not when the breakup happens you find yourself looking back and remembering only the good things. Breakups aren’t always a fault of someone, and sometimes a relationship just runs it’s natural course. Breakup affect your self esteem and that’s usually why you’ll end up blaming yourself, wondering what more you could have done etc. Try to see it for what it really is, and that both parties were involved. It may be that you’re just hurt and confused and looking for someone or something to blame, but don’t automatically blame yourself for it, find a healthy way of coping with it instead.
I think this is true of many of us. A lot of times I think this stems from holding ourselves to too high of standards and expecting too much of ourselves. Instead maybe try not to blame anyone and take a step back and look at the relationship from each angle. You will usually find it's a little bit of each parties " fault" that the relationship ended. Maybe there were some arguments that weren't handled well on either end, maybe there wasn't enough communication as to what each person wanted in the relationship. The point is, don't beat yourself up over the past. Only look to it as a way to learn and to do better in the future.
Anonymous
April 5th, 2020 4:21pm
People blame themselves for a brake up because they believe they aren’t good enough. It is harder to imagine that someone you loved is not emotionally mature, kind, or loving. People also forget that it takes two people for a relationship to work. People sometimes end a relationship instead of put in the hard work of relating to each other. There are many factors that go into a relationship. In the end, do your best, be kind & true to yourself. Treat yourself with as much respect as you give others & expect respect In Return. Everyone deserves love, but many do not know how to show it, Express it or give it.
Please try to identify to good deeds and accomplishments over the years and that will help you see value in yourself. Everytime this question pops in your mind remind yourself that nobody is perfect and relationships are not a single person's responsibility. If you were tru and honest with your words and actions there will be no reason to blame yourself. We need to remind ourselves that self doubt should be progressive and not damage self-confidence. If relationships have not worked out in the past an optimistic way to look at the situation could be to realise that there is more scope to explore.
I’m sorry you’re struggling with these feelings. I’ve felt this way in the past too. I’ve learned there are a few reasons we choose to blame ourselves for breakups. One is control. We want to control our hurt or anger and blaming ourselves let’s us feel more in control. Another reason is a deeply seated sense of worthlessness, some people call it shame. If you can sit with your own thoughts for a moment, do either of these, or something else, ring true? Honestly naming what you’re facing is powerful to being conquering it. Why do you think you blame yourself in these situations?
Anonymous
April 16th, 2020 6:59am
No matter what, blaming yourself for situations keeps you unhappy because you feel like you have no control. When we move past blame, we are able to take responsibility and release the guilt attached to self-blame. If you punish yourself or others for mistakes, then these tips can help. Firstly look at the bigger picture, trust yourself and reframe what you should do. Every situation we experience is part of a bigger plan. When you can look at setbacks and opportunities for growth, life becomes easier and there is less pressure. Look at the blessing in each lesson. Instead of blaming yourself for a situation, look for the silver lining. Ask yourself: what could this situation teach me?
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