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How do I know if I'm in a toxic relationship?

289 Answers
Last Updated: 04/20/2022 at 3:24pm
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Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
March 11th, 2021 8:39pm
if you feel unhappy and feel like you are being controlled. these feelings can be a possible indication of a toxic, unhappy relationship. trust your gut! Abuse of any kind (physical, verbal, emotional, sexual) is unacceptable and unhealthy in a relationship. Physical abuse even one time is cause for concern and possibly physical separation for a time while the offender discovers healthier ways to deal with their anger or control. Consistent verbal abuse is also toxic and needs to be eliminated for there to be hope of developing a healthy relationship.If your partner is ritually trying to look through your phone, email accounts, social media or receipts, there need to be some discussions about proper levels of openness and privacy. If you are married then I believe that couples should have complete access to one another’s phones, computers, email accounts, calendars and social media because the goal of the marriage is oneness.
Anonymous
April 2nd, 2021 2:12pm
The most serious warning signs include any form of violence, abuse or harassment, which should be dealt with immediately. But in many cases, the indicators of a toxic relationship are much more subtle. The first, and simplest, is persistent unhappiness, Glass says. If a relationship stops bringing joy, and instead consistently makes you feel sad, angry, anxious or “resigned, like you’ve sold out,” it may be toxic, Glass says. You may also find yourself envious of happy couples. Fuller says negative shifts in your mental health, personality or self-esteem are all red flags, too. These changes could range from clinically diagnosable conditions, such as depression, anxiety or eating disorders, to constantly feeling nervous or uncomfortable — especially around your partner. Feeling like you can’t talk with or voice concerns to your significant other is another sign that something is amiss, Fuller says. You should also look out for changes in your other relationships, or in the ways you spend your free time, Fuller says. “You may feel bad for doing things on your own time, because you feel like you have to attend to your partner all the time,” she says. “You cross the line when you’re not your individual self anymore and you’re giving everything to your partner.” Finally, Fuller says concern from family or friends should be taken seriously, particularly since people in toxic relationships are often the last to realize it. Brocke says that was true of her relationships, which perpetuated the damage for years. “By the time I actually started realizing I was in something that wasn’t healthy, it was so normal to me that it didn’t seem like that big a deal,” Brocke says. “You get paralyzed in it, because you’re just used to it.”
AnnaHappyDew
April 11th, 2021 10:13am
When you are in a toxic relationship, you won't be able to express your true self. You will find yourself lying to and/or avoiding close friends or family members due to your partner’s words or behaviors. If you're afraid to tell your partner anything, then you're also not in a healthy relationship. Not being able to share things with them for fear of getting 'in trouble' or being judged, that's a slippery slope. For example, if you feel your phone buzz with a notification and your first reaction is a tightened stomach and caught breath, you're in a toxic relationship. You shouldn't react to communication with fear. A positive relationship will always bring out the best of you.
peachtones
April 15th, 2021 1:57pm
You would be in a toxic relationship if your partner doesn't make you feel loved, or secure. Toxic relationships can be extremely tough, and can make you feel off or exhausted. You shouldn't ever have to feel that way in a relationship with someone; you're simple better off without it. If your partner gaslights you, or makes you feel like you're constantly at fault, then it can be taking a turn into an extremely toxic one. Partners that tend to verbally abuse are also toxic to you and your lifestyle, so you would want to steer clear of that sort of relationship. Always make sure that you're kind to your partners, and that they feel appreciated under your presence :)
calmingUnicorn6545
April 22nd, 2021 3:44am
If the harm is emotional or mental, you’ll have to decide if it’s possible to work through the issue. If underlying triggers such as depression or trauma influence one or both individuals’ behaviors, Fuller says therapeutic or medical treatments may help. Glass agrees that getting to the root of the problem is important but says that sometimes, the answer may be to walk away. “I am a firm believer that you have to try to work everything out and understand why the person is toxic. You may be able to live with it — but on the other hand, you may not,” Glass says. “[If you can’t], you’ve got to get out of it. We have not to put ourselves in that position.”
FrostySunride
May 8th, 2021 1:57pm
There are some telltale signs of being in a toxic relationship. Do you find yourself constantly making excuses towards other people because your SO is asking you to do so, or somehow you feel like you have to because of your SO? Youre in a toxic relationship. Does he or she take up all of your time? Do you not have room to breathe? Does he or she check up on you? Do you feel you can trust him or her for 100%? Can you have openhearted conversations about everything and everyone without them throwing a tantrum or making a scene of it?
Anonymous
May 16th, 2021 7:07pm
If you have to ask yourself that question, then that is perhaps a wake up call for you. Evaluating if your relationship is one-sided or not is also a key factor in determining the toxicity of that relationship. Make sure that they aren't making you feel bad, trying to control you, or putting you down for insecurities and such. Gaslighting is also a major red flag. It's important to recognize these red flags and be honest with yourself on whether the relationship is actually toxic. A healthy relationship consists of two people both putting in effort and considering each other's needs while also participating in self-care & not loosing that individuality.
DesertDreamer
May 21st, 2021 2:33pm
Mental, emotional, and physical abuse are the most obvious signs of a toxic relationship. But lets think about what else makes a relationship toxic. One partner checking out and not communicating. Your partner unwilling to resolve issues. There will always be disagreements but its in how both people come together and communicate that is important in a healthy relationship. Are they a willing participant in the relationship trying to make the relationship better or are they tearing it down. Are they working towards resolution even if that means understanding how you feel even if they may disagree. Healthy communication is key. Fair fighting and sticking to topic at hand is important. These are all indicators if healthy versus toxic relationships besides the obvious outwardly toxic qualities in a relationship.
Anonymous
May 28th, 2021 3:34am
If you are in a toxic relationship you would not never be at peace. Due to love the presence of that person would make you feel great but deep down you know you aren't as happy as you could be. The efforts doesn't seem to be equal, the front person doesn't admire you much. When a relationship becomes toxic you would know it because a toxic person cannot gift you time and respect because it's very expensive,you would try to control you,manipulate you,abuse you . Your opinions won't matter much to him this would become a dominating relationship for you and when you get of this relationship initially some might feel upset but later you would be like a 🕊️🕊️ free from a cage , now the whole sky is yours and you are the controller of your life😊
friendlyHeart9279
June 2nd, 2021 5:50pm
The typical toxic relationships is by nature volatile and makes you feel insecure, lowers your self-esteem and leads you to constantly live in fear of a break up. In a good relationship, you should feel trust, security and calm, and you are not constantly questionning yourself. In a good relationship, should also be allowed to express your emotions and thoughts without being gaslighted (gaslighting is when someone makes you believe that you are crazy when you are giving your point of view). In a toxic relationship, there might be a constant "dance" between your partner being super loving and kind and him/her suddenly withdrawing and acting distant. If you are in a toxic relationship, know that there is not much that you can do to "SAVE" the relationship.
Anonymous
June 11th, 2021 3:10pm
You are in a toxic relationship if there are more bad times than good times and if you feel unloved, ill-treated, and uncomfortable with the person you are with. If the relationship doesn't seem supportive or trusting, then chances are that you are in a toxic relationship. Remember your worth and do not settle for someone who does not treat you should be treated. To answer the question simply: If the relationship makes you unhappy, do not continue to date the person. If you break up with the person and allow them to understand why, then they might be able to work on themselves for their next relationship.
handsomeForest17
June 25th, 2021 12:23pm
in a toxic relationship, it seems that everything is a reason to start a fight, and you argue over the same or similar things. There are no resolutions to the conflicts, so you feel stuck in a perpetual fight. Being with a toxic person is difficult because everything seems to be the motivation to argue or show discontent. A toxic partner feels they have the right to tell you whom to spend time with, how to dress, make your hair, what to do for a living, when to go to the doctor or what to have for lunch.
Anonymous
June 25th, 2021 7:15pm
Let's look at the word toxicity: "very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way." If your relationship makes you feel physically and mentally unsafe, it would be considered a toxic relationship. That includes things like bullying, gaslighting, tearing down your goals, excessive protectiveness/control, manipulation, extortion and so much more. Examine your partners behaviors- do they make you feel safe, comfortable, and loved? If not, then you most likely are in a harmful relationship. Another point to examine is if you are safe to leave the relationship if needed. Would your partner attempt to coerce or prevent you from leaving? You deserve to be loved and cherished. Taking the time to ensure you are being cared for is crucial.
Anonymous
July 17th, 2021 10:07pm
If you do not feel like you can be yourself if you feel like you should adjust to that persons' standards. In my case I felt like I had to be like that person wanted me to be like and that I wouldn't be heard or accepted if I didn't act or talk in the way that person wanted me to. I didn't act like myself and that person knew it, but still didn't care about, and I were to show him a new side of me he would say that he didn't like it and he would tell me to "act like the me he knew I was". If you feel like you are loosing yourself it is better if you leave
Anonymous
July 25th, 2021 10:59pm
When you find that you are spending most of your time unhappy, then you know that you are in a toxic relationship. You deserve happiness and love from your partner. Being honest, commutative, open, and caring are characteristics that you and your partner should have. If they are constantly making you feel anything else but loved, then you are in a toxic relationship. When you continue finding yourself unhappy, unloved, etc then you may need to reevaluate the relationship that you are in. I've been in toxic relationships before, so if someone is making you feel this way, it is probably best to end the relationship if they are not willing to change their ways.
Hypnotize2004
August 5th, 2021 2:48pm
You are in a toxic relationship if they ignore you, does not communicate with you, and does not let you do what you want or don’t want to do as a relationship needs communication n trust. It is ok to feel that your partner is not helping out on the situation, just try and communicate to them as they will understand if they are your bf or gf. Also ppl should feel this way to any relationship such as gf, bf, best friend, friend, family member, etc. All of the interaction must involve trust and communication and if that person doesnt allow both or one of those things then they are not worth talking.
Anonymous
August 18th, 2021 1:08am
You will know you are in a toxic relationship if you are constantly drained after you interact with the person rather than loved or fullflied. Some signs may be you're friends, family or loved ones will point out how that person makes you react. If you see that person changes your traits and habits for the worse or brings out negative, passionate emotions in you that also maybe a sign. But if you are completely unsure then you may need to take some time away from them to truly asses your feelings. If you find yourself flourishing when they are not around then you have your answer.
uniquecreature41
February 20th, 2022 7:27pm
Because, quite simply, you'll feel like crap - a lot of the time! Even if you're so conditioned to it you're now at the stage where you're actually unaware of the fact. They put you down, they use you, they call you stupid or fat or accuse you of not trying to understand them. They gaslight you (it's all your fault or all in your head, you choose) they are with you when it's ultra convenient for them or you frequently go without hearing from them, unless they get the 'urge' to hear from you, if you get my drift. You, on the other hand, go out of your way to accommodate them, you tell yourself; 'hey, they're worth a little pain, a little aggravation', even when your friends tell you they ain't! You ignore all the signs, just to make yourself feel better, cos you're never going to meet someone who makes you feel the way they do ever again....! This is a tough rut to be in and it's only when you choose to step outside this hell that you'll see things for what they really were. And trust me when I say, that's when you'll get really angry with yourself, for what you let yourself go through. But you're stronger than you think and you don't need this person in your life. Bin them off and don't look back. Cliche as hell tho it is, LIFE'S TOO SHORT.
Anonymous
February 4th, 2022 3:16am
It's hard to say every relationship is different and each person would view a relationship differently. However if you are in a relationship which you are not happy in and this continues to make you unhappy and depressed then this could be viewed as toxic but only you can decide its toxic and only you can leave that relationship, so.e people would call domestic violence or general bullying a toxic relationship however I would say this is totally different, you could be just in a relationship with someone that you just don't love and have totally different interests and this could lead to a unbearable relationship
classicalmusiclover
January 28th, 2022 10:26pm
Toxic relationships can vary from person to person, however, you will usually see some common red flags, as we call them. One of them is that the other person always invalidates your feelings. Imagine if your partner, the person who you are supposed to trust and find comfort in always tells you that your struggles don't matter or that you are overreacting. That is seriously a red flag, that indicates toxicity. Moreover, another red flag is when your partner has some abusive tendencies. Are they trying to control you, are they being overly "overprotective", do they get jealous every time you mention something good happened in your life that doesn't include them? These are all some common practices of toxic people in relationships. I hope this helped you in some kind of way! You should never stay in a toxic relationship there are hotlines for you to get help and escape!
Anonymous
January 26th, 2022 7:45pm
If you're questioning it, then there's a good chance your relationship isn't as healthy as it should be. A healthy relationship is one where respect, trust and open communication are prevalent everyday and with every interaction between you and your partner. Both parties are treated as equals and are able to make their own choices which the support of their partner. It's important to ask yourself how you are feeling within the relationship. Are you as happy as you know you could be? Are there any actions that your partner is doing to cause a power imbalance? Trust your gut here, you deserve everything you want and aren't asking for too much for them to step up their game.
Anonymous
January 7th, 2022 1:23am
If you feel like you couldn't get out of said relationship even if you wanted to because you feel trapped or like they would do something bad if you tried to leave them, that's usually a good indicator that you are currently in a toxic relationship. Another sign can be if they constantly try to downplay your problems and say that they have it much worse or if they constantly talk about their own experiences and never let you finish talking. If they try to make you do something you're not comfortable doing and won't accept a no, that's also a huge red sign. I know it can be hard to realize if you're in a toxic relationship and even harder to get out of one but you got this!
Anonymous
December 19th, 2021 8:26pm
Well, sometimes your partner could end up putting your feelings aside focusing on their own and not showing they care about you. Sometimes your partner will invalidate your issues making you feel as if they don’t care about you or making you feel as if you’re not important when you are, they could be talking behind your back, or even showing signs of not caring. The main thing about toxic relationships is forcing you to do things you don’t want to do, never give in, stand your ground and let them know you refuse to do so. Hope this helped.
Anonymous
December 16th, 2021 6:47pm
When there is a lack of support for one another, toxic communication between one another, and when there is too much jealousy and dishonesty. When both people in the relationship are disrespecting one another and there is so much resentment between them as well. Maybe both people or one of the two are having negative financial behaviors such as withdrawing money from the others account and spending much of it. Maybe there is constant fighting between both people constantly, both or one of them is not meeting with your needs, one or the other is wanting and hoping for change in the relationship.
Farradise
November 18th, 2021 8:43am
It is a toxic relationship if an argument turns into a fight. It always seek revenge, always angry, no respect nor care. It always invalidates what you feel and has no sense of responsibility. It also seeks negativity and will always put the blame on you. It is also toxic to be with someone who always gets jealous whenever he or she sees you succeed in life. It doesn’t offer partnership but it will put you on a competition mode always. You don’t have freedom to be you and you are always judged on how you were on your previous life
Anonymous
September 3rd, 2021 1:26am
Do they make you feel like it's hard to love you? Does it feel hard to love them? Are you fighting more than enjoying? Do you find it hard to trust them? Do you wonder why you're with them? Have they asked you to change things about yourself or your life that you never thought you would have to change? Are you more tired than relaxed after you see them?/Are you drained after being with them? Do they help you love yourself? Do you feel an uncomfortable attachment with them? Do they make you feel like you can't be independent? Have you maintained the relationships you had from before them? Are there things you've missed because you're with them and that you regret missing? Have they ever made you feel uncomfortable in your own skin? Just breathe, maybe asking these questions will tell you all you need to know.
SupportiveSoul3
October 1st, 2021 1:06pm
Figuring out if you’re in a toxic relationship can be really tough, especially when you’re infatuated or in love with the person/people involved. My best advice is this: tune into your gut instinct, and trust that. Energy never lies. In my experience, I dated an abusive person who assaulted and manipulated me. I remember thinking “this is too good to be true,” and I soon found out that they were not good for me whatsoever. If you feel like it’s wrong, it’s very likely wrong. People pleasing can get in the way of making the best decisions for ourselves, but sometimes we don’t need a “good reason” besides “it didn’t feel right.” Best of luck, friend!
Anonymous
October 6th, 2021 6:56am
Figuring out if you are in a toxic relationship can be hard. I would suggest looking at the actions of your partner and looking at the effort they are putting in, as well as how they treat you in general. You should be treated as an equal with respect and kindness. You should also look at how they make you feel, if you are unhappy in the relationship then it may not be the relationship for you. The foundation of your relationship matters as well. It needs to be strong and based on good intentions. Toxic relationships will also usually be physically and emotionally draining. A real relationship will have its bumps, but should not take a toll on your health.
yourpal101
April 15th, 2022 7:32pm
you might be in a toxic relationship if you're wondering whether you are in one, because relationships that make you feel safe wouldn't lead you to second guess about it. if your partner constantly gaslights you and makes you feel unworthy of anything, or just makes you feel like you don't deserve anything, or if they make you second guess about why you got together with them, you might be in a toxic relationship. but remember, you might sometimes feel this way when you are not looking deep into your relationship so take a few minutes and think about it 💓
mermaid431
September 9th, 2018 3:26pm
1. Your other half doesn’t take responsibility 2. if your other half shuts down the conversation when you are trying to discuss issues 3.you can feel the relationship draining you 4.your other half is bringing you down or constantly giving constructive criticism when not asked 5.your partner doesn’t pay attention to your life e.g. your schedule 6.you feel as if you are the only one making the effort 7. you feel trapped and controlled 8.your partner doesn’t respect you or what you have to say 9.you don’t have a feeling of relationship security 10.you don’t feel able to confide in them about your problems. There is many more.