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What should I do if I end up crying, and I find myself struggling to breathe?

288 Answers
Last Updated: 06/02/2022 at 1:09pm
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Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Feeling depressed or anxious can be so overwhelming. I want to help you feel better and be able to enjoy life. You are not alone and you deserve emotional support.

Top Rated Answers
Profile: CourageousHeart1602
CourageousHeart1602
April 1st, 2020 3:31pm
There are several things one can try that can help you regulate breathing at such times. Though it depends on the person and what will help you so you can always explore your options and see what fits you best. What I found helps me is leaving the room/place where I am at, put my earphones on (whether something is playing or not depends on my mood) and just go for a walk. Sometimes we can't breathe is because of the intense emotions we are feeling and getting away from the place helps. Whether you continue walking or just go to a quiet place to sit, cry and just hug yourself, easing the pressure on your chest and shoulders helps a lot in breathing regularly. Othertimes, difficulty in breathing when crying may be due to a rising panic attack. What I have found that works for my friend is that when she has difficulty in breathing it helps to ask her questions that are completely irrelevant to the current situation such as "Name all the superheroes you know from Marvel", "Name all the female celebrities with great hair" etc. So if you are experiencing difficulty in breathing because you were crying it helps to distract your mind which would allow you to calm yourself and breathe evenly. Most importantly, remind yourself that you're safe. When we can't breathe when we cry is because our body's sympathetic nervous system has been activated and it is in "fight or flight" mode. You need to reassure yourself that you're okay. Pat your arms, legs, face and chest, stare at them and tell yourself "I'm okay". With every "I'm okay" take a deep breath in and slowly exhale. You are okay, your body is okay, you just need to convince your mind that you're okay for now and you can talk about what had caused you to cry with someone (like a friend or a listener here at 7cups) until your mind has calmed. I know in those moments it is really terrifying but you are so strong, love. You can do it. I believe in you. Take care of yourself and stay safe.
Anonymous
April 1st, 2020 11:25pm
the first thing to do is calm down. try to breathe deep breaths maybe 5 or 10 and that should immediately calm you down, i know that from my own experience. but other than that drink alot of water as when you exessivley cry you loose a lot of fluid so drinking water will make you feel better. i know how hard it can be and if your struggling please speak to people before it gets to that point for your own mental wellbeing. you're not alone there are people always there to listen. crying isn't a bad thing remember, you're going to be okay Holly x
Profile: SugarCrumbs
SugarCrumbs
April 12th, 2020 5:04pm
I find that focusing on your breathing always helps a lot! If you hyperventilate you will have that feeling like you're struggling to breath and your body will get numb. Breath slowly in and out, in and out. Try not to lose your focus, and soon it will be easier to breath! It will also ease your mind, as you won't be worried about anything else. If the feeling gets out of control and you feel the need t go to the hospital, as a last resourse do it. But remember that this feeling will go away with time.
Anonymous
April 16th, 2020 5:18pm
Take a lot of deep breaths, do some head space, guided meditation, or write it all down in a diary, to get out all of your emotions a complete train of through will help you identify what it is that is bothering you. Once you have done so let go of the things that you have no control over, and accept the things you can start to formulate strategies that will help you regain control over the things that you can do anything about. Also afterwards, practice self care ; maintain a healthy sleep cycle, look after yourself you have one body to house your mind.
Profile: ExoCute
ExoCute
April 22nd, 2020 10:25am
I know this feeling very well. Let yourself cry, but breathe. Seriously, force yourself to breathe. And if you have the chance to, have someone next to you. Sometimes when I can't breathe is because I feel like I'm drowning in my emotions, and it can get very scary. Having someone next to me can be very reassuring and distracts me a lot in those times. Otherwise, you can try and use something called the "fourfold breath". You inhale for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, and hold your breath for 4 seconds. Try and repeat it until your breath calms down, focus on it, and let yourself realize that your emotions are simply that, emotions. If you find yourself breaking down crying again, try and eat something small, a candy, or even drink some water. It lets your body know that everything is fine, and really helps breaking the cycle of negative emotions and thoughts. I hope this helped!
Profile: SupportiveSoul3
SupportiveSoul3
October 15th, 2021 10:23pm
I find it hard to employ breathing and grounding techniques when I’m in that state, but the 7-4-8 model of box breathing can be really helpful to get you back in your body. Inhale for 7, hold for 4, exhale for 8. This helps wind your autonomous nervous system down so you can think more clearly and less in fight-or-flight mode. I also find that having someone lay on top of me with my arms crossed over my chest can be really calming. It helps you coregulate with a friend and calms your system down. Hope this helps, friend.
Profile: letmebeyourhope
letmebeyourhope
February 27th, 2021 1:02pm
You should try to name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can smell, 2 things you can feel, 1 thing you can taste. That will help you to concentrate on your surroundings and focus your thoughts. After that, try to take a deep breath and look at the situation through other’s eyes. It might seem not as bad as you imagined in your head. Try to give yourself an advice, as you would give to your friend if they were in this situation. Talk about it to someone, put your emotions into words.
Profile: archiesnapx
archiesnapx
March 7th, 2021 7:59am
The first thing youll need to do is learn how to ground yourself. So close your eyes and slowly focus on the environment around you. Move on to your breathing next, and slowly focus on inhaling and exhaling. If music helps you calm down, play some as you do this.
Anonymous
March 26th, 2021 12:40am
If you are struggling to the point of a medical emergency, consider seeking immediate treatment. Some things that myself and others have found helpful when feeling upset and struggling with crying are practicing meditation, getting exercise, guided breathing videos, and talking to a friend. Perhaps you can talk with your friends and family to identify a safe person to connect with when experiencing strong emotions. Making a comfort plan in advance when you are calm, like having a favorite blanket, a calming tea in the cabinet, etc. sometimes can make people feel more prepared and in charge of the situation when strong feelings come up. Crying is a normal response to feelings, and is important to let yourself experience when you need to. Being able to cry and stay safe are key, so make sure to check-in on your breathing and get help if needed.
Profile: Mimiverse
Mimiverse
March 26th, 2021 7:39pm
Crying is one of those emotions that is so raw and pure that even I forget to breathe sometimes. In the moment that those tears fall, your entire body can essentially be letting itself go and it's letting all the emotions you are experiencing out. Sometimes what helps me is just putting my hand over my chest and recognizing that I am still alive. My heart beat may be faint and it may take a moment to find it, but once I get there, I tell myself to breathe. It may seem strange to tell yourself constantly to "breathe," but I think in the mist of crying, we often forget the things that comes naturally to us because we are upset.
Profile: glowingFlute4899
glowingFlute4899
April 1st, 2021 1:37pm
Close your eyes and think of blackness, take a deep breath with your stomach moving outward, hold it for 1--2--3--4--and then release it very very slowly over 1---2---3---4---5---6. Do this at least three times. Try to acknowledge what you were feeling and why you were feeling it, Listen to the hypnotic, meditative rainfall at rainymood.com. Breathe deeply and slowly. Love yourself. Tell yourself something good about yourself or your day right away. Think of three funny things. Hug a pillow tightly. There may be preventative measures you can take if this is interfering with your day-to-day life like as-needed anxiety medication or long-term medication options for anxiety or depression.
Anonymous
April 7th, 2021 6:16pm
Sometimes the best thing you can do if you are crying and struggling to breathe is to move yourself to a safe environment where you can allow yourself to focus on just breathing. Safely remove yourself from any dangers, and preferably away from the stimulus that induced the crying. Once you are in a safe space, try to focus on deliberate inhales and exhales. If that is proving too difficult, or if you are losing your ability to cope, try to find one thing you can see, one thing you can hear, one thing you can smell, one thing you can touch, and one thing you can taste. This will help ground you in an awareness of your body, and may help you focus so that you can try breathing again.
Profile: BlueOasis420
BlueOasis420
April 10th, 2021 9:20am
Hey! First of all, you can try to not cry in the first place. Please don't bottle your emotions, if you feel the need to cry, do it, but maybe we can determine in which situations you want to cry and avoid them. So maybe you could sit down and note after you have cried what happened, how you felt and what you thought. If you're crying, don't try to stop yourself. It's a healthy way of coping with grief and sadness. But if you feel like you can't breathe now, remember: You can't suffocate because of crying. It's just a feeling, nothing can happen. If you remember this in these situations, it might prevent you from getting panic. Then you can try breathing exercises. We have some here, like the gif of the triangle to breathe along. You can also look up some in the internet, like the 4-7-8 exercise. Try to breathe out longer than you inhale, that will calm you down. I wish you best of luck!
Anonymous
April 11th, 2021 4:40am
in nursing school we learned that when someone is experiencing a panic or anxiety attack that you should breathe into a paper bag because that will help your breathing to slow down or you can also focus on a analog clock and follow the seconds hand and breathe deeply. when this happens to me i just try to think of happy thoughts and remind myself that i am in control of this situation and that i can also help myself out of this situation. if youve got a friend or a significant other whom is understanding and will be there to hold you or listen to you that helps a lot as well
Profile: MelMels
MelMels
April 23rd, 2021 3:02pm
A technique I like to use when I feel this way is called Grounding. Often when I feel overwhelmed and I start to cry and panic, I tend to lose where I am and lose my sense of self and sense of control. Making myself aware that I'm present by bringing my attention to my feet and the ground below me also gives me awareness of the rest of my body, including the air in my lungs, and allows me to bring myself back and calm myself down Also, a mantra I like to use that offers the same effect is 'if you can talk, you can breathe'. Sometimes if I can, I'll whisper a random word outloud or just make a sound to remind myself that there is air around me, but often just repeating that mantra over and over in my head is enough
Anonymous
May 14th, 2021 2:26am
Though it may be difficult and may not be the easiest to consider, try to focus specifically on your breaths, and elongate them as much as possible. Allow thoughts to appear, but try to dismiss them and continue to focus on your breathing. I know that really thinking about breathing in slowly helps me when I am feeling overwhelmed and begin breathing too quickly. It may not be easy to think about in the moment, but if you practice focusing on your breathing repeatedly, it will become easier over time as you turn it into a habit. This applies not just to breathing difficulties as a result of crying, but I find that this is really helpful with my general anxiety.
Anonymous
May 15th, 2021 5:15am
This is usually a panic or anxiety attack. Just try and calm down, try taking deep breaths, holding your knees to your chest. Luke warm baths can also help in calming someone down. Focus on good things, happy things that calm you down, hug something that you love. Breath in a scent that you like. But deep breaths will help you the most. They don't come easily at first but eventually you will be able to draw a full, deep breath after practicing for a little bit. Luke warm baths don't work for everyone but they are relaxing and tend to help some.
Profile: SkyeWater
SkyeWater
May 20th, 2021 3:16am
For me I find that having something to hug (a stuff toy, a pillow, anything soft) helps me to slowly calm down and catch my breath again. It could also help if you calculate your breathing- I like to do a 3-3 breathing routine so i breath in and count to 3 then breath out in 3 seconds too. I find that having something to grip or sometimes crouching down helped me breathe better because I felt more comfortable crying when crouching. Worse comes to worse, it would be good to call up a friend and get them to breathe with you so you can pace your breathing with them.
Profile: sunnyvision
sunnyvision
July 8th, 2021 4:22pm
Begin by slowing down your breath: Take a deep inhalation through your nose, filling your lungs with breath. When you can't take in any more air, slowly exhale all the air out through your mouth. Continue for a few minutes with this deep, purposeful breathing. Notice how your center rises as you inhale and contracts as you breathe out. Through this simple breathing exercise, you may begin to feel relaxed and return to a more natural breath. Relaxation techniques work best when practiced regularly, including at times when you're not feeling anxious. Through practice and persistence, relaxation techniques can be an effective strategy for getting through panic attacks.
Profile: wonderfullPalm5000
wonderfullPalm5000
July 15th, 2021 4:15am
Try to sit and take a look arround your surroundings if you are in a noisy place try to excuse yourself. Try shaking your head gently with tongue out and making a blurbing sound. Try noticing the colors in your surroundings and repeat them in your head, take deep and slow breaths, take s shower if possible, play some soothing music and snug up your blanket and pillow... You should notice the difference soon enough. If nothing works try talking to Someone about what's going on or anything random you'd like to talk about watch a funny video or play a game you like.
Profile: STriver2022
STriver2022
July 22nd, 2021 4:53am
To start you can create a personal action plan, on this plan you would list things that help you refocus when you feel overwhelmed and anxious. Having this in a safe place to have easily available when you are feeling this way with help you to refocus and work through your feelings. Having a set out plan to start an activity that helps to ease your anxiety. You can also have a list of people you feel comfortable reaching out to, letting them know ahead of time that they are your person when you experience times of high anxiety.
Profile: colorfulSugar8571
colorfulSugar8571
August 26th, 2021 1:02am
i am so sorry to hear you find yourself in this situation! I understand that not being able to breathe can be super scary but the best thing to do is stay calm because if you work yourself up it’s just going to get worse. you can try breathing exercises to help get your breath under control. there are a couple of breathing exercises that you could do so you can find one that works the best for you. another thing to do is if at all possible sit or lay down and just take a break for a few minutes. this will help all you down physically and mentally. i hope this helps!
Profile: NinaBee
NinaBee
April 23rd, 2022 11:21pm
Exhale first! Your brain should automatically inhale after. Give yourself time to gradually slow your breath, as it's a natural response to gasp for breath after crying! Keep focusing on exhaling and let your body do the conscious work of inhaling. Eventually, you'll start to breathe easier. Keep your mind focused on simple, neutral or positive facts you don't feel too strongly about that might elicit a strong reaction again. Set aside any thoughts that start you back up, for now. Remember, you're okay, and this feeling of intense emotion will pass. Drink some water, take a shower, and grab something nice to eat, like a handful of cranberries or a pear..
Anonymous
March 20th, 2022 12:05pm
Find a safe adult you can talk to until you calm down or talk to a friend if you have no supporting adults around. If it gets any worse talk to your therapist. When I got Like this I would always go talk to my dad and he helped me sort out what was troubling me. I eventually went to a therapist and we talked for an hour about my life and what was going on at the time. It was a really humbling experience and I am glad I’m here to this day to survive and stuff i have never felt more alive!
Profile: xOso
xOso
April 15th, 2022 6:15pm
Finding yourself having difficulties breathing when crying is very common. We tend to hyper-ventilate or in other words increase the rate of our breathing. This increase in the rate we are breathing cause our heart to race and reduces to amount of oxygen we are providing to our lungs. It's imperative to focus on one's breathing and slowing one breathing. Numerous breathing exercises will help with alleviating the stress or anxiety you're crying about and will help immensely. Remember to focus on slowing your breathing down and it will ultimately calm you down and make you feel better overall.
Anonymous
April 17th, 2022 3:36am
Pray. Prayer is one of the powerful things in life especially if you are on the lowest point of your life. Everyone always feel this kind of loneliness and anxiety to the point that they feel that they cannot do anything right on their life, but just to remind everyone you were here because you have a purpose. There are someone or a lot of people believing in you so you need to trust yourself as well that you will be able to survive on every challenges that life brings. No matter how big your problem right now, there were always be a day that you will be experiencing joy and victory. Just keep on fighting and believing. God never put us in a situation that he thinks we cannot do it. Everything always happen with a reason.
Profile: ColorMeHopeful
ColorMeHopeful
May 25th, 2022 2:26pm
Oh how wish I could just hug you right now. Sometimes, when we find ourselves becoming this upset, a bit of anxiety and panic setting in. Which could be the reason for the trouble you breathing. Of course, I’m not a medical professional so will always recommend talking your doctor if the problem persists…You can try some breathing exercises, such as taking a deep breath in through your nose as if you were smelling a flower and then blowing out of your mouth as if blowing out a candle. You can also do grounding exercising which relate to focusing on your senses. Such as looking around the room and counting all the squares. Google grounding exercises for more ideas.
Profile: gabrielagbg
gabrielagbg
May 27th, 2022 3:45am
Use your imagination at your advantage. How? By trying to imagine things that make you relax. Find calmness in the little things. Afterwards, try to slowly concentrate in your breath and take deep breathes until you feel better. Then I suggest to drink some water or find some food you like. Clean yourself from all the crying and do some relaxing activities or hobbies. For example, try drawing, dancing, reading, walking, physical exercise, puzzles, etc. Those things that will make you focus and serene. If this doesn't work and the lack of breathing seems very serious, ask for help to someone who is near you or use some sort of communication item to reach help. Hope some of these helps!
Profile: Essellen
Essellen
March 17th, 2022 5:48am
Raise your arms, to prevent coughing. Tilt your head back to open the airway of your throat. You are preventing yourself from choking as you let out your tears. (I know how this sounds but it works.) Turn on some very soft instrumental music, and find the rhythm of it. Begin to breathe deeply in time, with the percussion. You will soon find that you are breathing quite normally. Continue the exercise for at least ten minutes if possible. It is important to continue the breathing exercise until the choking sensation passes (which it will.) Repeat to yourself, in time with the music and your breath, the word: peace. Keep repeating it until you feel you can stop and continue breathing normally without interference.
Profile: peachicus
peachicus
May 7th, 2022 2:04pm
This a very common problem when in distress but first you need to ask yourself some questions about why you're struggling to breath. - Is it related to asthma or a diagnosed breathing difficulty? If so you need to follow advice from your doctor. If not you may simply be having a panic attack which from experiance I can tell you is horrible. You'll feel like the world is ending and cannot catch your breath. As much as I roll my eyes saying the word "mindfulness" it does actually work in this situation. I have a figit toy but I know rubber bands help too. Anything that can hold your attention and bring you into the moment to help you regulate your breathing and emotions. Download a breathing app that helps you steady your breathing and calm down, this may also help.