How to stop overthinking things in a relationship?
284 Answers
Last Updated: 04/27/2022 at 1:30pm
Perfect therapy for people who need help. I would like to say, I never can imagine it could be possible to heal people like that
Ta
Tania
Moderated by
Kelly Brast, MA, LPC-S, LSOTP, CART
Licensed Professional Counselor
Life can be overwhelming sometimes. I specialize in helping people organize their thoughts, getting rid of the things holding them back, and finding a path to a better future.
Top Rated Answers
Stop, pinch yourself, stand back and evaluate: Is this thought actually relevant, if so is it affecting or likely to affect my relationship? If it is tell yourself to shelf it until the next day. If it’s a valid thought it will return and then you can pay it some mind. Most wont even be remembered the next day! Overthinking things can be destructive and pointless. Often the more we mill over something, it becomes something hugely different to what we began with! In our minds we take it apart, turn it, twist it, examine and re-examine it until in the end we try to put it all back together and it ends up something completely different! Learning to switch off that thought, shelf it in your mind, and trust that if it’s anything that needs to be acknowledged it will return, isn’t easy but a bit of practice with the “on/off†button and you may be surprised!
Relationships can be easy to overthink and jump to conclusions that are not right. I cant give you advice but i can say that i have had this issue in every one of my relationships but now i am in one and have learned to grow trust for the person and i am able to control my emotions and stop thinking about things that are more than likely not going to happen or are not true anyways. Relationships are tough but they definitely get easier once you understand what is happening and realize some things are just not realistic
Start by being more trusting, of yourself and your partner. Look at things you enjoy together and do more of those. Discuss things that of interest and learn to understand other points of view. Doing these things can help take you away from over thinking and into the 'real world' rather than ruminating in your mind.
By allowing more trust you build confidence and resilience into your relationship and reduce the need to find meaning in nuances that are a natural part of having a relationship.
Once you build more confidence you will reduce doubts about yourself and your partner.
I think the crux of the issue is overthinking and the specific area is "relationships". I'd go deeper into the first part.
Whenever we are caught in an endless loop of thinking, in my experience, it has been helpful to do the following different activities:
1. Get pen and paper. Jot down whatever thoughts come to your mind, unfiltered and raw. After that's done, take a look at all these thoughts and let yourself feel each emotion that passes by you as you look at them. Once that's done, dispute those thoughts with opposing arguments. That helps in breaking the constant loop.
2. Sometimes, it's alright to just let the thoughts pass through your mind, without trying to suppress them. It helps one to feel more in control and calmer after a while.
Now, I feel that these basic principles can be applied to relationships. However, an additional point would be to create a safe space for you and the concerned person (in both romantic and platonic relationship) to discuss these. Communicating helps in easing discomfort.
In relationships, I tend to overthink the same things over and over again. I question how my partner is feeling about me or if they dislike some part of me. Sometimes, I find it easier just to be open and honest with my partner. They usually aren't concerned with whatever I think they are concerned about. So it can give you a peace of mind to have the other person give you their perspective. Furthermore, when you find yourself going down these rabbit holes, you can try and remember you might be making assumptions or don't have the full facts about a situation. So things you are thinking might just be thoughts and not truths.
Stop Thinking. Sit down in a quiet spot, take out a piece of paper and a pen then write down the things that are running around in your head. Read what you have written down. Then separate and list down the worries and and the good stuff in your relationship. Look through your list and jot down how you can solve your worries, maybe make necessary changes or just accept some of your worries as worries which might dissolve itself over time. Also do not forget to appreciate and be thankful for the good things in your relationship. Overthinking can be tiring and zap up your energy so make sure you have ample sleep and have proper meals too.
When overthinking ask yourself why would you do so? and to stop overthinking in a relationship it is better to do the communication externally than that which goes in your head. overthinking is mostly about thoughts that keep reoccurring and which leads to different scenarios and ideas, so it is better to question it, look for any evidence in reality and try to talk things out with the other person. Communication is a very important tool to help and reduce overthinking, it helps in understanding and clarifying things at time. I know it can be hard at times but a small initiative is always better than going on over in your head which isn't positive.
Overthinking and ruminations are habits that our mind uses to trick us. The good news is that we can also trick our mind by involving it in a more rewarding behavior and a different, healthier pattern. Instead of being slave to your own emotions, try to listen to them and to the messages they’re trying to convey. Sometimes we run away from our feelings and this alone can trigger even more overthinking. It’s not rare to see overthinking link with anxiety to control your life. It’s a process that requires time and healing cannot happen overnight. Try to get in touch with a therapist or a verified listener!
Hey, in my experience I think it's so important to focus on things that you enjoy to do or a mission for the day. That way you are more thinking in those lines rather than worrying about things. Also meditating has helped me reduce the amount of things going on in my head! If you can work in some physical activity like running or cycling or gym, this can also be great for reducing your thoughts in my experience anyway! Give these a try and see how you feel, are you still worries as much or has it subsided more? Thank you :)
Anonymous
April 16th, 2020 8:22pm
I don’t have much relationship experience personally but I do know that you should always put your needs first. You can’t provide effectively in a relationship if you don’t take care of yourself. It’s just like they say on airplanes, if they drop down the oxygen masks put on your mask first. If you don’t then you’ll suffocate and you won’t be able to help others. Also, communication is key. If there is something bothering you, then talk. It’s the most effective way to solve a problem. But when you talk don’t lash out and get angry. Use a calm tone and understand each other. It may be harder for others but it isn’t impossible.
Anonymous
April 29th, 2020 3:07pm
Often in relationship we tend to engage in overthinking. Thinking about the other partner is great, but overthinking or obsession over a particular thing or person can be exhausting.
However you have the capacity to differentiate between rational thoughts from the irrational ones. Rational thoughts are the ones which have ground in reality, you can try to find link between present and your thoughts by seeing it in a timeframe, are these facts or assumption, pre conceived notions etc, by doing so you'll be able to eradicate unnecessary, bothering thoughts and will help you stop overthinking.
Some grounding techniques like touching different types of textures, repeating the things you like. Doing so allow space for you to reconsider and puts a break in the endless cycle of overthinking.
Overthinking is so hard to deal with because you will think one day does "he/she still love me" , does "he/she will still want me around." To stop overthinking in a relationship is to make sure you feel comfortable with someone because you don't want to feel like your partner is feeling "off" today. That's when you are overthinking. You can establish assurance in a relationship to make sure each partner in the relationship feels comfortable and cause less stress overthinking. In a relationship focus more on getting to know each other and keep postive energy when with each other.
This is one thing a lot of people do, you're not alone. First you need trust without trust you won't quit overthinking because you're worried or scared something bad is going to happen. Establish trust, then talk to your partner about how you've been feeling. What is really bothering you. Then you just have to let it go. You have to be the one to say "ok I am done overthinking what is meant to be will be." After that you will feel much better with yourself and your relationship. Things are going to happen in relationship but you have to be the one to accept it and know that whatever is going on will all work out in the end.
Anonymous
May 23rd, 2020 12:57pm
Oh man. Definitely been there done that. What helps is to build that trust between you and your partner. Honesty is the number one key. Also gotta focus on the moments you spend together rather than on the ones that you don't. You gotta find that balance between you and us. Meaning there will be times where you spend the whole day together and then there will be times where you only send a few texts to each other that day. What helps is to use that time for yourself. Focus on your hobbies and stuff like that. There are things that you will be doing together as a couple and then there will be things that you will be doing separately for yourself.
Connecting with the hurts and injuries sustained in a relationship can be difficult to dismiss. The choices and actions that injure cannot be erased, so dealing with the with the relationship with a fair and somewhat detached outlook has great benefits. For example, reframing the offending and persistent thoughts and memories by placing yourself with another person can be an effective technique. Also, there's little that's true today that wasn't true yesterday. Things don't change in relationships quickly, so very likely "overthinking" things won't result in any real change, but rather, speaks to the person who's "overthinking". Simply enjoying the moment: be it prayer, a walk/swim/bike ride, cooking, showering...just smelling the coffee offers temperal benefits to our moments of crisis.
Anonymous
June 11th, 2020 6:08am
I would think about the happy things. Once you start thinking about the happy things, it’ll make you happier and make you live in the moment. If you are overthinking just think about all the memories you’ve had with that person and all the fun times you’ve hungout with them. Once you start thinking about that it’ll remind you of how happy you are with him/her. At the same time, not all relationships work out. If you think that the relationship is having a negative impact on you I wouldn’t go forward with it. Just try to remember the good times and it’ll make you happy.
Anonymous
June 11th, 2020 6:23pm
A relationship is based on trust.If you trust your partner, you don't need to overthink at all.Trust them and let them trust you.Stop thinking that whatever is going wrong in your relationship is just your mistaken some cases it can be but in many cases on partner takes all the blame and wonders where they went wrong.Go a little easy on yourself, your life is more important than a relationship which makes you overthink at every moment and affects your mental health.Stop thinking if things are going good,dont try to complicate them or change them.Live ,and let live.
Anonymous
April 16th, 2022 6:10pm
Be direct, open, and honest. People tend to overthink less when they know exactly where they stand in a relationship, where another person stands, and there is trust. You can develop more trust by being more honest, direct, and full of integrity within yourself. Expect those things in return from the other individual. Taking direct actions to improve the relationship--like planning time together, or starting interesting or challenging conversations about things needed to improve a relationship--can be concrete methods for embodying thoughts, getting them out of your head an into action plans. Or, consider communicating with the other person that you're overthinking things--look for support from that person as they should be willing to lend support.
Anonymous
June 24th, 2020 5:47am
Just like taking a break from your job search is important, so is having the right mindset. It is hard to be a job seeker, applying for many jobs and possibly not hearing back from employers. Work to focus on the progress you are making with each application—honing your search tactics, getting efficient with your application process, and understanding what keywords to use for an ATS are all important tools to use as you go through your search. Each time you apply for a job, you are improving your process, and that’s great progress to landing a job. nice
Overthinking is often based in insecurity. So, if you're overthinking in the relationship, it can mean many things, but most likely there's something that you're uncertain about and haven't spoken to your partner about.
Of course, this doesn't always have to be something within your relationship, like a problem or so, but it could be something that you're bringing in from outside the relationship. Insecurities that you may have from the experiences you've had in life. It may be worth sitting down and having an honest conversation with yourself to determine what it may be.
All that said, your partner may also have a role to play in this. If you aren't receiving the support you need in the relationship, it can lead to overthinking. So sit down with your panter, thoroughly communicate your expectations and needs and decide together how you'll approach it.
Communication is key. Whenever you're feeling like you are working things up to much in your head, it can help to just bring those up to your partner. By doing this, you can create an opportunity to strengthen your relationship. Try using phrases that use "I" language instead of "you" language. For example, "I am feeling a little overwhelmed right now" vs "You are making me feel overwhelmed right now". I know it's not easy, but it will make your relationship stronger in the end. And, if your partner does not respond favorably you know that it may be time to have a deeper talk about these things. Best of luck!
Anonymous
June 20th, 2021 3:52pm
Relationships can not always run without friction between partners. Small incidents and happenings can take place over time and they are natural. I would like to ask you to understand your partner and the situation well to stop overthinking . You can best do it by putting yourself in the situatuon again and trying to understand where things went wrong and how they can be rectified. Transparency with partner and upfront decisions can make relationships stronger and more frictionless. You can at best dicuss your problems with a trained listener at 7cups if you cannot manage things alone. We are always here to help
Anonymous
February 18th, 2022 4:07am
Strategy 1: Gain awareness.
Strategy 2: Develop Trust.
Strategy 3: Share With Your Partner. Since you are always stressing about one thing or another, you struggle to live in the present moment. In fact, overthinking can kill the joy of dating, meeting new people and enjoying what the current moment has to offer. Overthinking can make you assume negative consequences and jump to false conclusions.
Strategy 4: Be Clear With Yourself About What It Is You Really Need in a Relationship.
Strategy 5: Make Positivity A Habit.
Strategy 6: Be Present.
Strategy 7: Fill Your Time.
Overthinking is not a recognized mental disorder all by itself. However, research has found it's often associated with other mental health conditions, including: Depression. Anxiety disorders.
Anonymous
June 6th, 2021 3:12am
In my opinion, the best way to stop overthinking things in a relationship is to be open and transparent in your actions and communication with your partner. As a fellow overthinker, the worst thing that happens to me is I get stuck in a loop - where I keep asking the same questions or making certain assumptions, and never make any progress because it's all just happening in my own head. And, I have to break that loop! I break the loop by asking my partner whatever question I have (it's much better than making assumptions), and it's just as important to not be dodgy or vague when I want or need something myself. Being honest, direct, and clear help to avoid misunderstandings. Avoiding misunderstandings helps me not overthink. Take care!
Know there is only so much you can do. You don't have control over everything. Sometimes it's good to let go of a relationship if the person is not reciprocating. Sometimes what you think is a big deal, isn't. Worries go into cycles of anxiety and depression. You got to give yourself some credit. I used to and sometimes still do have control issues over things that I have no control over. How someone reacts to me, what someone does. And you have to have self confidence if someone is not reacting to you, it could have nothing to do with you. You are in control of how you react to people.
I think the best way to stop overthinking would be to stop and analyse the practicality of your negative thoughts. We often go down in a spiral and just keep on thinking about things that may never even happen. Its that thought and not the anticipation of it actually happening that makes us overthink even more. Just stop and think "How likely is it for ______ (insert your situation) to happen" and what would be the worst case scenario if it were to happen. You can then move on to list the best case scenario as well as the most probable scenario.
Another common thing is to be over sensitive to texts from our loved ones. we often detect a change in their tone and begin to think that it is because of something we did or in some cases "they have lost interest in me". Again stop and think back, consider other possible causes behind a changed behaviour.
Just remain honest with your feelings and never try to change things forcefully. Give yourself some time to absorb any new activity around without labelling it as good or bad for you. It is only from a certain distance things get clarity. If ever you find yourself caught or sruck in an unpleasant mood just take your space and try to distract yourself from the chaos by indulging in some basic hobby like painting, music or a brisk walk. Try to change the ambience and take a break from disturbance. I think when caught in any immediate turbulence one should try to calm down instead of trying to find any fast solution or reaction.
Anonymous
May 6th, 2021 6:22pm
You can stop overthinking by having trust in your partner. If you don't have trust, you dont have anything. If you feel that you and your partner are expiereiceing problems, def talk to them about it. They should respect you and what you have to say if they truly care about you. If it is on your side, and you are overthinking them being unfaithful or something, thats another thing you should talk to them about it. Communicatino is exteremely important in a healthy relationship, on both sides. You can do this! If you are scared you are overthinking for no reason, talk to your partner!
Anonymous
March 5th, 2022 7:46am
Trauma pops up from the most unexpected people, places, and things. When this happens, ask yourself what past relationship trauma has caused me to create unhealthy habits. Communicate this experience and your feelings with your partner. Ask for their support and understanding in learning how to over come this within your relationship together. This will help your partner understand what’s going on within you as well as help you learn to heal from past relationships that may be effecting you in the present. Working on this separately and together will have a positively profound impact on your relationship as well as yourself
Anonymous
January 28th, 2021 10:00am
A good way to help prevent overthinking in a relationship is to be open and honest with your partner. If you have a problem then speak to your partner and this can stop it from snowballing. When you have this open line of communication and full understanding of your partner then it is much more difficult to overthink as you will be able to find the answer to your questions and problems easily rather than just ruminating on them. This open line of communication will also mean your partner understands you and can tell when you begin to overthink and therefore can work to reassure you before you even outwardly show that that is what you need.
Related Questions: How to stop overthinking things in a relationship?
How do I get over feeling that everyone is going to leave me?Everything in my life is messed up. Motivation works temporarily and I'm not suicidal but feel it's pointless to live like this. What should I do to feel hopeful? How can I get what I need from my doctor? I feel extremely sick whenever I leave my house, what can I do? I have trouble with my school work due to procrastinating. And my anxiety always gets in the way. How do I get things done?A family member thinks I am lying about where I am going but I'm not, what should I do?How do I know if I did the right thing?Is it hard to think critically about something you love?How do I overcome the fear of cashiers?How can I convince myself that my friends don't hate me? I have this irrational fear that they actually hate me.