Lack of sex drive
I've been going through menopause for years. My sex drive is below zero. Husband doesn't seem bothered by this, but I'm really upset about not being intimate for years. What do I do?
@mlb2017 Maybe talk with your dr about this.
I hope this helps.
@mlb2017
I'm thinking intimacy is a 2 way street. If he doesn't care, its so much harder for you to carry it. Have you both tried some intimacy building techniques?
You can talk to your doctor or explore things that may help on your own as most dr IMO are just going to tell you try this or that .......
I started a exercise program and after losing some weight one of the things that happen is a libido boost ... the problem then becomes if your spouse is not interested you end up frustrated and angry.
think in older ages many marriages suffer when both sides have different wants and needs in that department
Not sure if you actually talked with your husband about this, but you may want to ask your gynaecologist. Maybe the female version of Viagra is available? A lot of couples cuddle in bed, intertwining their legs for instance, and that's already plenty of intimacy.
I also have a very low sex drive. However, it DOES bother my husband and he thinks I don’t love him / constantly pressures me for sex / accuses me of being unfaithful / won’t take no for an answer.
I generally try to meet his needs and try not to say no too often. But he wants sex MUCH more than I do and sometimes I just want to be close without having sex. So then I end up resenting him and being angry that I have to acquiesce to his needs while he gets to disregard mine.
Third marriage, by the way. Last one my husband stopped having sex with me (again he wanted more than I could give and accused me of not loving him) after 21 years together and I went two years just living with him before leaving.
Im really tired of this…
@turquoiseJar4381
have you looked into it medically .... not to say there is anything wrong with a low sex drive but if a hormone imbalance maybe it could ease your situation.
i myself took up a real fitness plan and his drive is dead and was not that big of deal before when i was heavier now the exercise has really upped my libido and nothing to help me out from him jas create d a big divide.
No, I haven’t. I really don’t like the idea of tinkering with my hormones even in this situation.
Before the pandemic I exercised regularly, but still didn’t have much of a sex drive. Felt great otherwise, though! I just haven’t been able to get back to that and I’ve gained weight as a result.
I know they have drugs that are supposed to increase female sex drive, but they can drop your blood pressure. They tell you to take them before bed for that reason. My job requires me to jump out of bed in the middle of the night and be ready to leave at a moments notice. Probably not a good time to have low blood pressure!
I know this might be hard to hear but your husband should see you for more than your body. If you’re not wanting sex say no, he should be understanding. If i was in a situation were my partner didnt want sexs, i would be okay with it and go masterbate instead. Plus having too much sexs could lead to addiction which is something to be cautious about. I understand you’re tired but you deserve someone who will treat you the way you want to be treated. Who cares if its your third marriage, its not a bad thing. Nobody is going to judge you for that. Have standards queen. Its not to late to fix things.
@turquoiseJar4381
There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a low sex drive. Compatibility and communication are very important, though.
I used to think love and companionship was the be-all-end-all, until I had a partner with a much lower sex drive than me. Neither of us was happy in the long run and it didn't last. Now I consider sexual compatibility when choosing partners.
Desire is variable over life, with aging, changing hormones, and life stressors. That's where respect and communication come in. Having a partner who gets angry at you for who you are right now and pressures you into doing stuff you don't want to do sounds kinda awful. That's the opposite of intimacy, even if it is physical. I'm sorry you've been dealing with that and feeling like you have to do stuff you don't want to do.
I think it's crucial for us to develop a strong sexual relationship with ourselves. I really like Betty Dodson's thoughts in this area. And masturbation, regardless of baseline sex drive, is deeply under-rated. Dodson has a great book about this called "Sex for One."
Although I think it's fair for partners to express needs, is it ever fair to make demands and assume they will always be met? There are a lot of baked in demands around gender when it comes to sexuality, but the idea that a partner deserves sex or should provide it when the other wants has passed its expiration date.
There are many ways to take care of our individual sexual needs without disrespecting others, and that includes your husband.
I can help you text me
@mlb2017
Talking to your doctor could help with the situation
This is a hard situation. I think you should talk to your husband directly. You should be honest with him and yourself. Maybe there is something that bothers him also. When my husband was going though anxiety matters, we also didn't have intimacy for a long period. However, when we talked honestly. He also talked to a doctor who prescribed him to buy viagra online, and we succeeded to cope with that period together.
@mlb2017
Having a low to almost non - existent sex drive is usually to do with a lower hormonal change , certain pills that you take and diet and exercise.
One of the best ways to get aroused is to change things in your sex life such as roe playing games , and spicing things up . There are many medical studies on types of foods to eat that can give rise to a good libido as well.
