Not Approaching vs Not In The Mood - Period
When it's that time of the month I don't generally approach my husband for sexy fun times. It's not that I'm not in the mood, I'm just not driven to initiate anything. So why does he take offense? How can I remind myself or fake it along to keep from causing problems? If I don't take care of his needs during my period, he "pays me back" by withholding for at least 3x the amount of time. It's so frusterating.
@craterlake I'm sorry, this is really not a healthy dynamic and it can really affect your well-being in the long run. This is sexual and emotional blackmail from your partner. Everyone is allowed to have times when they don't feel like initiating or having sex, if your partner doesn't respect it he's not respecting you as a person. You don't owe him sex.
Rather than focusing on "not causing problems", I think the problem should be addressed: it's not just about sex, it's a matter of lack of respect. Don't be afraid to be open with him about why you feel like that sometimes and what it means for you. Settling a healthy boundary is your right.
@Aayla 100%
@craterlake I'm really sorry you're going through this. What you're describing is absolutely not okay. Desires are not needs, as their name suggests—they're wants. What you're experiencing is a form of abuse, it's coercive control and it's completely unacceptable for him to manipulate or guilt you for not wanting to have sex, no matter the reason. You are not causing any problems in this situation, he is the one behaving problematically by trying to punish you. You deserve respect, and no one should ever make you feel this way.
@craterlake
Sorry that your husband has unreasonable expectations for you and takes revenge when you don't meet them. It sounds like you two need to have some conversations about basic expectations of a relationship marriage. One is: no revenge, ever, period. Another is, if someone doesn't want to do it, you don't push it or force it. Hopefully you guys can sit down over dinner or coffee sometime and discuss expectations and how the relationship can be positive and fulfilling for both people. Good luck, hopefully things get better.
