Weathering the storm in a rusty old boat

I don't come to 7 Cups every day but I have been coming occasionally the past few months. I didn't start my journey to self-improvement here but I do find the group chat to be a welcoming distraction on the darker days.

I'm a 35 y/o Software Engineer from the United States. I've been with my husband for going on 13 years (past 3 married) and we live together in a small townhouse I bought when I was younger. I'm very savvy when it comes to mone and finances, I'm very intelligent when it comes to my job and I love to write. When I am not kicking myself down into the dirt I tend to have confidence in my intelligence even if I think I'm lacking in other areas.

I suffer from chronic pain due to a degenerative joint disorder and Type 2 diabetes which is a more recent development. I actually found out about the diabetes 2 weeks before my wedding. Definately put a damper on cake. I always had issues with social anxiety but it has gotten worse with an added sprinkling of depression since the diagonsis. I don't know if the diabetes and blood sugar influence the depression or if I'm depressed because I'm unwell but I feel the two are correlated. I find it easier to handle my mood when I am handling my diabetes but when one falters so does the other. It's an ongoing struggle.

On top of that my husband suffers from depression worse than I do. His anxiety has made him angoraphobic and so he leans heavily upon me emotionally. We have our struggles but I still find he's an amazing partner and one of the sweetest men I've ever known.

There are days I scare myself with thoughts that... it's never going to get better, only worse. My body is going to destroy itself and there's absolutely no hope for it getting better. Those are the bad days. On good days I remind myself that the worst days are not today and even if I may not accomplish all my bucket list items before I die... I still leave a lasting impact on my friends and loved ones and every day I spend with them is a fond memory in the making.