New here and heres my intro

Hi everyone, I just found this site today and really have enjoyed my time. I am new and a little nervous about posting and sharing because I have had some negative reactions when I have shared before.

****Trigger Warning*************

I am going through a lot right now and trying to find some support and hopefully meet some others that in the same boat as me. I am going through anxiety, depression, panic attacks, chronic pain, flash backs and nightmares. I am a survivor of domestic violence, sexual trauma ( childhood and adulthood), verbal and mental abuse, self injury, and I was permanently injured in a car accident ten years ago. I also recently lost my job in March because of Covid 19. I also have multiple health issues, chronic illness, and chronic pain that is regulated through a medical device. I also recently got out of a very hostile work environment that had many similarities to going through an abusive relationship. I don't want to trigger or upset anyone so I have tried to keep certain details of my past trauma vague.

Recently, I tried to get help through online therapy but it kind of messed me up and I realized that I need to see someone in person so I have an appointment this coming week. I am a little scared because everytime I share about my trauma issues I feel worse and plus I am told repeatedly by my family to keep quiet and not talk about bad things that happened to me especially, things my family did. I was taught to always keep everything inside and tried to do that for many years but it still damages me and comes out anyway. I feel that my panic attacks in the night and especially flashbacks and nightmares are symptoms of this. Plus I am sad and angry to admit I am still very much afraid of my abusers even tho I am an adult.

I want to get better for good and not let my past interfere in my life anymore. I want to figure out how to deal with my anxiety, depression, and feel stronger and more confident. I want to help others and I know that I can't do that until I am whole again. I am also nervous about this journey because I don't want to make things worse. I am excited to be a part of this community and hope that I can find support and also give support as well.