Introduction
Not sure if I've got this in the right place, but here goes:
I'm 63, married 45 years with a 43 year old son. We all live together in a house we just bought last year. It was a BIG move. From Southern California (where it just got too expensive) to Northern Illinois (where we thought it would be cheaper). The adjustment has not been easy. There have been a lot of arguments and disagreements.
A big issue for me is resentment and frustration with where I am in my life. Secondary to that is knowing that I cannot make any changes short of leaving my current situation entirely. A daunting thought, though something I have considered often the past 20 years. (I know! What is wrong with me?)
Right now I am struggling with a deep lethargy. I just don't care enough any more. It hurts too much to care when it does no one any good. It's like prayers. It's just wishes in the air going nowhere and doing nothing. I don't believe in wishes and I don't believe there is any hope.
And you wonder why I don't have any friends. (Debbie Downer, am I right?)
@EllisJay61
it is hard to be happy when things are not as you might have pictured
when people make a huge move and even small things when settling into new life seem less than. you have a choice to embrace things each day and find some happy or focus on other items that make you unhappy with where your life is or what you thought you would be doing.
I find it best to NOT compare as best as a can and enjoy the things as they come up.
@toughTiger6481 Thank you for your kind words. I only wish I could find something everyday that makes me happy. But I don't. I can't seem to find happiness any more. I find it impossible to be grateful.
@EllisJay61
perhaps like me you should find some small self care item for yourself that will inspire you. winter is hard in a northern climate but i walk alot and make plans to try new things at least twice a month ....
when i am down i buy a favorite snack or dessert and take time for YOU ..... it is hard to do as a wife and mom and even though it seems like it should be no big deal sometimes we need a break from our loved ones
forget where you thought you would be embrace all you have seen or done write it down ... or better yet if you meet a new friend as you tell them about your self you will see your life differently
Start of small. Look for glimmers.these are little moments in the day that go un noticed usually. Like the wag of a dogs tail. The giggle of a happy child. A bird flying over u with a twig for its nest. A car letting a person cross Infront of them. Just tiny little things. Look for the glimmers they really help they r like the oppisite of triggers. Something that warms ur heart not hurts it. The more u look the more u will see. And if u cant see a glimmer....be a glimmer.
@EllisJay61 I hear you're tired. Maybe you could work on changing one thing at a time, instead of 'fixing' everything. What is the smallest or easiest item on your list of what needs to change? Maybe you could consider going for that one. Just a thought.
Hiya. First of all well done!!!!! That is a massive chunk of ur life committed to ur family and inthis day that is rare. So hats off to u. I say u need to think about what makes u happy and what makes u sad and try and fix whatever the problem is. U have just had a massive life change of course there will be arguments. Moving house is stressful enough but proper relocating is another level of stress. Ur family will be feeling it too so don't focus on this negative energy as when it settles down the negative energy will pass. I wouldn't make any rash decisions right now as u don't know the true feel of it as ur not settled yet properly. So I say let it settle and reevaluate . If u have been unhappy for years on end then I think u know u need to address the sadness. But if this is new and stressful its due to the life change so roll with it for now and see how u get on x
@EllisJay61
You feel what you feel. I think it's important to sit with these feelings, unpleasant as they are. Many of us run from our feelings, and dodge them using substances or food or entertainments of whatever kind. I'm certainly one of those.. 😣
Some six years ago while in the midst of deep grief, I sought
counseling and was advised that "feelings are not facts," which made sense, but the counselor acknowledged that
such a realization doesn't really take away the sting. It did, however, remind me that my feelings didn't need to follow any rational logic. They just existed in the form they took back then, of isolation, avoiding others, overeating, sleeping too much, waaay too much time online. That's kind of how I ended up here on 7Cups.
If I may say so, it sounds like you are grieving. It's the loss of everything familiar, and the fact of being driven out of your home by economic factors and other forces beyond your control. And you are now in a situation that is undesirable, and untenable, and that is causing strife within your family and within yourself. It sucks. 😞 We don't give advice here at 7Cups but many of us can relate in some form or another.
