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EllisJay61
269 M Embraced 2
PathStep 38 Compassion hearts26 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes14 Current upvotes14 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2024 Member sinceDecember 12, 2023
Recent forum posts
Can't find help I can afford
50 & Over Community / by EllisJay61
Last post
 December 29th, 2023
...See more I have been really depressed lately and I take these self assessments and they tell me I would benefit from therapy. Then I'm prompted to contact one of the doctors through here. Which is helpful, except I certainly can't afford $250 per session, or whatever they charge-it's always more than most of us can afford to pay on a weekly basis. I'm tired of having a carrot dangles in front of me, teasing me that help is actually available at a rate I can afford. So I suffer. My family suffers. The world suffers because no one cares any more. I have stopped caring as well. It's hard to care anymore after trying all these years to make things better.
Deepest Depression Ever
Depression Support / by EllisJay61
Last post
 January 1st
...See more I've suffered with depression just shy of 50 years. I've had suicide attempts and a hospitalization. Been on antidepressants since Prozac was new. Been in and out of therapy the last 30 years. So I get depression. What I feel now is so deep and pervading I can hardly get up in the morning. Not because I'm depressed about my life (I am), but depressed over the state of the world. War everywhere, Hatred everywhere. The catastrophes of climate change. And the knowledge that there is absolutely nothing I can do about any of it. So why do they report on this stuff? To make people aware. Why? What good does my knowledge of the drought in Ethiopia, or war in Israel (again) do? What does my knowing do about the situation in Ukraine? It doesn't. It just makes me feel miserable, helpless and utterly hopeless. And climate change has me in despair. The scientists and environmentalists have been warning us for 30 years. Sure we put protections on some species, saved some natural areas. But it hasn't changed the fact that all the pesticides we have sprayed in our own gardens have killed off species of bugs and with them many birds have also disappeared. I'm talking backyard birds. Every year millions of migratory birds are killed by hitting windows of tall buildings?  Rising water levels and flooding lowlands. Changing weather patterns with worsening storms and longer droughts. Just Another thing I read about and can do nothing to stop. So this depression is not just internal, but external, in that I don't see us being able to save the human race from the coming environmental catastrophe. That is what prevents me from doing much of anything any more. I just can't see the point. How can you bear it? It's one thing to hear about the polar bears and penguins, but to see it in your own back yard. That really drives it home. I don't know if this place will help change my mind or not. But I guess I am not completely devoid of hope or I wouldn't be here. 
Introduction
Newbie Hub / by EllisJay61
Last post
 December 30th, 2023
...See more Not sure if I've got this in the right place, but here goes: I'm 63, married 45 years with a 43 year old son. We all live together in a house we just bought last year. It was a BIG move. From Southern California (where it just got too expensive) to Northern Illinois (where we thought it would be cheaper). The adjustment has not been easy. There have been a lot of arguments and disagreements.  A big issue for me is resentment and frustration with where I am in my life. Secondary to that is knowing that I cannot make any changes short of leaving my current situation entirely. A daunting thought, though something I have considered often the past 20 years. (I know! What is wrong with me?) Right now I am struggling with a deep lethargy. I just don't care enough any more. It hurts too much to care when it does no one any good. It's like prayers. It's just wishes in the air going nowhere and doing nothing. I don't believe in wishes and I don't believe there is any hope. And you wonder why I don't have any friends. (Debbie Downer, am I right?)
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