My obsessions are ruining my life
I think it started around seven years ago when I started worrying about sinning going to hell. For every little mistake I made I would often make a little prayer to God in my mind to ask for forgiveness for the things that I did, regardless of how minor they were. It quickly got to the point where I would even apologise for thinking things that I didn’t even mean (such as hating God, my family, my friends, etc) and ever since then not a day has gone by where I haven’t had these thoughts, as they’ve even evolved over time to encompass more horrible things that I don’t mean.
I wish it stopped there, but that isn’t the only obsession I developed. Roughly five years ago, I began obsessing over certain conspiracy theories, with the one taking up the most of my time being the “dinosaurs never existed” theory. This one got to me because dinosaurs are my favourite animals, and have been a pretty massive presence in my life ever since I was a child, so I took some serious issue with the idea that they never existed. Most people around me would likely just ignore this kind of theory, but I just couldn’t let myself do that. Instead, I spent so many hours of my life looking as deeply into this conspiracy theory as I could just so I wouldn’t be closed minded to any potentially mind blowing evidence that would shatter my preconceived notions. Needless to say, five years later and I have turned up nothing, yet for some reason still sometimes make myself sift through this information in order to see if there is anything if worth which, 9/10 times, there isn’t.
But in a weird way, this led to my latest obsession which has taken hold over the past two years, and especially so over the past few months. I’ve made myself go down numerous rabbit holes regarding “human nature” which have led to me discovering some pretty terrible claims made about women, people of colour, LGBT people, and so on. Unlike the situation with the dinosaurs, however, I don’t know that much about human psychology and behaviour, so I mostly relied on the words of others regarding these topics. Sometimes people would put forward scientific articles that supported claims such as “women only loving men for their looks/money,” or “people of different ethnicities having lower or higher iqs.” I also managed to find scientific articles which provided evidence against these claims, but I would then make myself check to see if anyone had criticised these articles (sometimes they did and sometimes they didn’t), which just confused me more.
I understand that it is important to be open minded to other evidence, but this has just been exhausting. It’s even bled into my personal life as well. I’ll sometimes just be doing something I enjoy, such as drawing or bike riding, when suddenly a little thought enters my head relating to a specific group of person. Sometimes I fight against it and it goes away, but usually I cave into this urge, look up a specific claim, and try to address it the best I can, which can sometimes go on for hours. In the end though, I’m either left worried, numb, or somewhat dissatisfied, because I know that there are hundreds of sources out there making specific claims, and I know that I don’t have the expertise to thoroughly analyse them all or the time or patience to even try to go through them all.
I know that this might not be as serious as some of the other posts on this thread, but I feel like this has genuinely negatively impacted my life, and this has really been weighing down on me for a long time. I just want everything to go back to how it used to be when I wouldn’t become so worried about all of this, but I just can’t stop ruminating on this stuff no matter how hard I try.
@HorrendousHexapod your feelings are valid and it's good to share. Sounds to me like a very tiring situation.
I partly understand the religious bit as I feel as children these things were obsessively hammered in our brains.
I do not think you are at fault though as to me it seems related to personality.
I was wondering if you spoke to a professional who can guide you?
@anonyLemon4233 I haven’t spoken to a professional yet, but I’ve often considered doing it.
I just haven’t really had the time and, to be honest, I’m not entirely sure how to talk to my friends and family about my issues.
@HorrendousHexapod Take it stepby step.
I think it is important you make time for it as clearly the obsessive thoughts are taking up too much of your time.
Here we cannot suggest diagnosis but i think you will find many have similar issues.
But why leave it for longer? I hope you can find a supportive therapist here or where you live.
I don't think that fir now you need to explain anything to anyone. You can share how you feel but that is up to you and has no bearing on whether you seek professional help I think.
I feel you described very clearly up here so you already made an important step.
I usually try to write down things in point firmebefore meeting my therapist that way you can always refer to notes. I wish you well on your journey to discover yourself
@HorrendousHexapod
Hi, I can relate to some of your concerns, also coming from a religious background.
Your interest in conspiracies and controversial claims is only bad insofar as you don't like the degree to which it affects your life or changes your behavior. I say this because it is perfectly healthy to have a curiosity about these things. However, I hear you saying that this has adversely affected your life, and that is a very valid concern, so I will suggest ways to address or curtail your obsession with pseudoscience.
You mentioned that you feel anxiety about being unable to discern when a source of information is good or not, and the sheer volume of information available makes you think that the likely answers can be countered at any moment with another source. I'm paraphrasing. But there are possibly two things here: 1) your reliance on the experts makes you feel unequipped to find the truth yourself. And/or 2) the perpetually unstable nature of scientific inquiry messes with your desire for fixed answers.
If 2) is the problem, that is harder to address because such is the nature of science. Things are true until disproven.
For 1) consider learning a bit about the scientific method yourself. You may have already seen these things in your research, but understanding methods like representative sampling, double blind studies, and a little statistics can go a long way. Most scientific papers are not groundbreaking. They usually produce modest findings. But every scientist has an incentive to extrapolate their findings to matters of greater significance, and they tend to do this in the results section. This is the section that the media always quotes and misrepresents in all caps. e.g. WINE REVERSES AMNESIA. Try to focus on the methods section more, then you'll find weaknesses, e.g. that short-term memory loss was reduced in 5 lab rats (not humans) who ate 3-day-old grapes, or something. If you pay attn to the methods section more than the results or conclusion section, you will have a better understanding of just how limited the claims of these studies are. Also check if the study has been replicated by other scientists. Psychologists are especially bad about producing studies that claim to be authoritative, but when the experiment or test was repeated on other people, those results never happen again.
Also, I would advise you to make more friends with people from the groups that these papers claim to describe. Not just one of each, because you would never let one person of your type represent all of the people of your type. Often times people make one friend who is a POC or LGBT and assume that everyone from that group is like them. Meanwhile they would never let one goofy or quirky or whatever guy represent their whole group because they recognize themselves as individuals. It's the same way. If you trust your instinct that each human is an individual and that science has been on the wrong side of history with respect to marginalized groups, then you will be able to learn about their respective experiences directly. I say this as a person of color, do not rely on the internet bros, or reality stars, or popular culture icons to tell you what a whole group of people is like.
Anyway, I believe in you. You have a very intellectually curious mind, and you don't have to shut that down. I think it will serve you well to 1) cultivate the tools you need to process all the information that you enjoy collecting and 2) realize that there are other ways to learn about people than through inconsistent studies.
Wishing you the very best.
@GingerLavender
Thank you for the reply. It’s greatly appreciated.
With regard for your second point, I would like to mention that I have done a bit of research into scientific methods and have looked at the methods section. While I have read that this isn’t entirely a dealbreaker in studies, as there are ways to account for this in calculations, I did notice that many of the studies I read consisted of small sample sizes (sometimes between 100 and 30 participants) which can sometimes lead to problematic results if not accounted for.
I’ve also found that these studies usually take the same type of people, I.e. college students, they have really short method sections, and that a large number of the results are just gleamed from surveys. I also found this one particular source which explained how, in numerous studies regarding attraction and attractiveness, the scientists doing the studies don’t often account for whether or not the participants were in relationships, or whether the context of short-term or long-term experiments was presented first in these studies, as apparently it can lead to bias, which further leads to results that are difficult to compare across studies.
Also, I think you are right about me needing to meet new people as, while I do have close friends, I often get the feeling that I would be happier if I just got out there and met new people. I think, I’m general, this problem could stem from loneliness and/or boredom, as when I meet or talk to people who are POC or LGBT, my worries about these things tend to subside a little bit, and I feel like they don’t matter in these moments, and that the things I’ve read don’t really apply to them.
Again, thank you for the reply to my post, I really appreciate it.
@HorrendousHexapod
Happy to, thanks for sharing in the first place. I agree with others that talking to a professional is your best bet for the obsessive thoughts because they can expertly guide you along the process to being your best self.
I figured you already had quite a bit of exposure to the scientific method--it's good that you are knowledgeable about some of the limitations.
I stand by and support your intention to meet new people! Although I am nervous about sharing any personal info, I also feel for some reason that I should share that I am a Black woman who is attracted to mostly men but also women. I guess I wanted you to know that it is okay to investigate controversial claims, but also to remember that "science" has never been a purely objective field, and, alongside religion, has often served as the justification for many outrageous things throughout history.
If you have things you would like to talk about, but don't want to do so in real life, if you reach out, I will do my best to give you my individual perspective. As long as you treat me as a sample size of 1, whose perspective cannot be extrapolated to represent millions of people, we're good. I wish more people actually had the desire to diversify their friends and acquaintances, so you're definitely on the right track with trying to connect with new people around you.
@GingerLavender
Thank you for words of support, I really appreciate it.
If it’s okay to talk about this, I think the biggest problem I have with my obsession, aside from the terrible places it has lead me down, is that these thoughts can just spring up on me at random. Even if I try my best to address most of the issues that spring forward in my mind, there’s sometimes one little detail that I couldn’t quite address that clings on and just won’t leave no matter how hard I try to rationalise it or push it out nor my mind.
I have tried to block worrying sites that lead me further down this path of worry, but even then I keep worrying about the “what if” scenarios, like what if they have some information that invalidates all of the research I have done, even if I do t find any evidence for that.
If you don’t mind me asking, would you recommend any way for me to avoid caving into my sudden worrying thoughts or push the more worrying ones out of my mind so that I don’t waste time ruminating on them?
@HorrendousHexapod I can relate to having intrusive thoughts and obsessively needing to check or review things, as I have a pretty bad case of OCD that no matter what, after decades, persists. What has helped me cope with it is professional help, 7 Cups, certain meds, and cbt (cognitive behavioral therapy). Everyone is different, which is why I don't give advice here, but sharing experiences can sometimes lead someone on a path to getting relief.
Regarding any sources that say negative things about women, other people, or people of certain ethnic groups, I would be suspicious of how scientific the so-called studies are, as the results you've described in some of them don't sound plausible or reasonable to me. It helps me to sort out which information is reliable and which isn't. I think that all people have more in common than they don't and that some studies can be dangerous as potentially causing divisiveness. A favorite motto I have heard is "one human family."
I hope you find some relief, as I know this can be exhausting. Sending lots of support.
