A Fulfilling Life
Hello all!
I'm Kaizoku, and I've been on a rough patch these past 4 months. For anyone who wants to participate, what're some goals in life that make you feel as if your life is being fulfilled?
@Kaizokushin Like future goals or goals you've already accomplished?
@determinedSea4370 Both. For those that already feel they've fulfilled some purpose, what are some goals that helped you? For those who haven't, what are some goals have you all set to achieve?
@Kaizokushin I guess for goals completed that actually mean something to me: I've written 4 novels. I've worked my *** off in every college-level art class I've taken to create a lot of work I'm actually proud of.
Those are the goals that mean anything to me, which is interesting because other people will gawk at me and be like: "But, you graduated high school? AND college? AND grad school?! AND you graduated from eating disorder rehab after going through all levels of treatment?? AND you landed your dream job??" But, somehow, those things don't mean much of anything to me. Maybe because in some way they were expected of me- but, throwing myself into creative work to such a degree that that creative work consumed my soul and made me cry? No one ever asked me to do creative work like that- like, really, no one in my life cares about what my personal creative work is. I could just be rotting in bed after work for all anyone in my life cares. When I was younger, my creative work was an impressive and cute spectacle to share around ***: like "Look at this kid, barely out of middle school, with all these anime-esque paintings and this fantasy novel!" But, it's no longer cute. I'm no longer cute. If I were to present my work to anyone, they would have to engage with it seriously and no one is bothering to have the time for that. Even when I support the creative work of my friends and family, they never support me back on the same level. Definitely part of the reason I've become so depressed as I've gotten older lol.
As for the future, it's related to that last sentiment: I need a more supportive social circle. That's my goal. I'm dealing with alcohol-abuse, anxiety, depression, anorexia, and self-harm, but I honestly feel like if only I had better people in my life, I would become a lot healthier and a lot more like I was when I was in middle school and elementary school (which were times, unsurprisingly, that I was so surrounded by friends that my biggest problem was that I actually wanted more alone time lol).
@determinedSea4370 I've always found fulfillment in creating/achieving things that I feel I took the most initiative in doing. The greatest feeling for me is always taking on a task or writing/designing something that I fully had desire to be working on. In regards to graduating college and such, I can probably relate to the idea that I don't necessarily feel anything "special" in that it's
A) expected of me
B) practically a requirement
C) much too broad to be personal
But yes. In regards to finding a closer social group, I understand the toll it takes! To take criticism on very personal works
is probably one of the harder things I had to face from time to time. It's rare for me to ever really talk about my "OCs" to people unless I'm exceptionally close with them. But I'm sure, in due time and general interactions with people, you'll find that supportive, regular social circle!
@Kaizokushin
I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch. I can relate. I think in times like these it's difficult to find meaning, but for me, what makes life meaningful right now is trying to move forward and fight for a better life. Enjoying small moments of connection with others, appreciating the small things. Warm water, a day with goodweather etc.
What about you?
@Kyoko777 I also value the little things that I can control. Being able to keep myself busy with some activities that have valuable pay offs are typically what I try to go for. Although, lately, I haven't been able to truly feel that payoff, if that makes sense.
I generally prefer to keep my relationships relatively surface level, as I've grown to sort of be cautious? It's quite complicated, and I wouldn't know how to describe it in words.
@Kaizokushin
Can you give me an example of activity that used to pay off? What changed?
It makes sense to keep relationships on a surface level, especially now when things are hard. You're trying to protect yourself.
@Kyoko777 They're personal for me, so they may not be applicable for everyone. But I train (or at least try to) train martial arts extensively. It's the one thing that I do that keeps me busy enough to drown out anything negative in my mind.
And of course, I have my day job. I do what I can to stay focused on that.
@Kaizokushin
Martial arts, wow! That sounds great! Physical exercize is so important for our well being. I have also noticed that it quiets the mind for a while.
