help me pls as a newbie

@Secureme1111 I do agree with your mom about it being normal. To me, finding beauty in others is just a normal, human response. I've been married 10+ years and, as a woman, even I can see a man or woman and think they are beautiful physically. Me thinking this or complimenting them verbally does not mean I'm interested in them or attracted to them in anyway. It just means they're beautiful to my eye. ♡ Is your partner looking at this other woman and lusting over her. Is he being inappropriate in any way or being unfaithful? It's bothering you he finds another more beautiful and I can understand why. You are the one he has chosen to spend his life with and it should be you he finds most beautiful. Please don't ever think you need to settle. You are beautiful in your own way. Someone will notice it and see you as such. ♡ You know the saying "beauty is in the eye of its beholder", I find that so true. There are literally beautiful people all over. And just because others are beautiful in their own way too it never ever takes away from the beauty you possess. ♡ Please remember this. When we get married, we should be able to talk openly and freely with our spouse. If his comments about finding the other woman pretty hurts you, you should let him know. He should always assure you that you are beautiful and make you feel beautiful to him. ♡ 

@Secureme1111 It seems like you're ignoring the red flags that are so clearly there from an outsiders perspective. I know that it is not easy to make such a harsh decision but I would definitely reconsider being married to this person. Marriage should be a no doubter

Leave him, I know it might me hard but do it for yourself

@Secureme1111 If he commented that he found her to be an attractive woman that's one thing, but if he literally compared her to you and said she was more attractive, I'd call that a red flag. 

@Secureme1111

That is really sad to hear how much you may feel insecure and confused by the acting of the guy for whom, I believe, you would like to be the most attractive girl in the world right now.

I agree there is nothing bad about just saying someone is pretty or handsome (so my partner should not be too jealous if I mentioned some good things about Emily Watson or George Clooney).

But when it gets too frequent, too personal about someone hanging around too close, or comes directly to making comparisons between two real persons, I think it can be tricky. Especially when some cheating in the past may undermine your trust.

As a man I know there are good men, bad men, and lots of those who can make both good or wrong. It all depends which one you met.

You're the best expert on your life. It's your life (not your mom's), and it would be you who will take any positive or negative consequences.

I keep my fingers crossed for you making choices which are right for you 👍 

I hope you reconsider marrying him, or even being with him at all. If he's a known cheater and already eyeing another person, it won't end just because of marriage. He'll likely do it more and you'll be the unhappy one. It doesn't sound like he's genuine towards you. I'm also not liking how the mother defends it and downplays it by saying it's normal. It is normal or find others attracted, but it's not normal to say it to the other person in the relationship. And, again, coming from a known cheater, more red flags.

Staying with this person may very likely lead to a future of pain, diminished confidence, feeling stuck and nothing good at all.

@Secureme1111

I would actually disagree with your mom. It’s normal to find others beautiful, but to find them more attractive than the one you are choosing to spend your life with? That’s crazy. If you don’t feel right about going into this marriage, then it is NOT the right one for you. When it’s real, you won’t be unsure.

@Secureme1111 Although it is normal to find others attractive, there should be no reason he should voice that opinion to you. He was a cheater and he hasn’t cheated on you, but he still says harmful things that could be construed as cheating to others. I don’t understand everything you understand, but it doesn’t seem like a good fit if he can do things that obviously make you uncomfortable. Going into a marriage with a doubt like that might eat you up. I’m sorry to here about this!

your husband should make you feel like the most beautiful person ever, but he doesnt. The answer is clear

@Secureme1111

I think that you should talk to him about how you are feeling I know it will be hard but if he refuses to listen I don't think you  should get married and you two need to take a brake if he is saying things that are making your self esteem go down and he doesn't care that is emotionally abusive