Will guilt ever leave me alone?
I feel guilty for not being there for my friends but at the same time i have so much in my own mind that if i do, i mostly ends up getting angry or frustrated as to why they can't see the obvious or other time why can't i think of a solution to help them?
I had a rough childhood so i couldn't be much there for my friend to help whenever they needed me, rather i didn't ask them from up front if everything was fine. We grew up, in college i had other issues to take care of, i had surpassed a big trauma and was almost overcoming depression kind of a condition so all i could ever ask my friend was if they're fine and if they'd say yes, i always hesitated to ask if they really mean it and would end up saying, cool.. know I'm here for you if you ever need a talk. [ yeah, i suck at emotions, i barely express mine]
now, I've passed college and facing huge career issues, struggling to get in higher study/job and so almost spend 95% of time in my room and get out only for food.. so again now whenever my friend want to meet and all, all i can say is pls let me know if you need my help but i can't come out got exams coming up. [when they meet up, all they talk about is their college, jobs and stuff and me being in the struggling phase fears of the pity they might give me if they talk and know about me, so i usually avoid those kinda meets]
I always feel guilty for not being properly there for them when they might be needing me.. yes i do listen to them leaving literally I'm doing if they call/msg me asking for help but as my life is becoming a bigger mess each day it's getting even more difficult to reach out and be there for them. This guilt is building up way too much and it's like even if i want to be there for them i just can't bcz my own life is so pathetic i feel even guilty of breathing at times and wasting my parents' money.
i hate the kind of friend am. i don't want them to know me since i haven't so i can't expect them to anyhow.. but how can i get out of this guilt? will this guilt ever get bored of me and move on?
@lovingGrapefruit2611
It’s okay if you can’t spend time with them at the moment.
It seems that you have a good reason for not being able to see them at the moment.
You’re not neglecting them, you’re going through your own challenges at the moment.
So, it’s okay to just prioritize yourself for a bit <3💜
by the sound of it, you’re just overthinking the guilt. You’re going through a lot right now, and it’s okay to take time to yourself. It’s more important to have self care for yourself and not worry about others more. You need to focus on yourself and realize that you’re trying as much as you can. Check in on your friends but not too much to the point where you overwhelm yourself. You're most likely creating the guilt yourself and you need to remember that you’re trying your best.