Relationship boredom

@selfdisciplinedMelon5895

I hear what you’re saying. It’s defiantly possible to become bored with someone you live with, especially when you add kids into the mix. A lot of people experience that feeling, where married life and childrearing start to feel tedious and repetitive.

I think it’s nature for you to want to do new things and have new experiences. I suppose it’s not healthy to do that in a way that may jeopardize your family though, such as online affairs.

It’s an interesting question you pose though, whether humans are meant to be monotonous. I think it very much depends on the individual. Some people like routine and monogamy and some aren’t built for it. I suppose that’s something only you can answer.

Here’s my take on things regarding a monotonous marriage. I think a lot of people have unrealistic ideas of partnership/marriage/parenthood that come from movies, books etc. This idea that some perfect person will fulfill all our needs, desires and expectations. I feel like it’s often unrealistic and can be damaging to an otherwise healthy relationship. It sets this impossibly high standard for relationships that no human can meet.

Have you tried speaking to your husband about the monotony in the relationship?  

@selfdisciplinedMelon5895

Communicate with your partner. That's what marriage is about. Stop trying to find entertainment outside of your marriage.  You made a vow. Stick to your commitment to your husband. Talk to him and figure it out.  That's what marriage is about!

@selfdisciplinedMelon5895 Hello. This is the second thread of yours I read, and it seems we can see a bigger picture now.

I think the answer might be somewhere in the middle.

I agree with you that a routine, boredom and predictability may be killers of relationships. Once I was in a relationship where there was no use to visit my friends, "because they think of us like of poor cousins", there was no sense to visit my partner's friend, there was no use to go to my siblings birthday. Completely no fun. Just working and worrying. Soon I signed out.

However, our life in its nature seems to be a chain of routine and boredom. We go to our work places, use a vacuum cleaner, brush our teeth, sleep, check our bank accounts, take part in unnecessary meetings... I believe it is no good to expect from life to be constantly high on adrenaline.

Have you thought about something that could make your life feel "sexier", but without risky behaviours and putting your family into the danger of breakup? Like taking on some new hobbies/activities? Trying something new professionally? Encouraging your husband to spend some time (just a few hours, or a day) together (just the two of you!), with someone else taking care of your children for the moment? Taking care of being fit and healthy?

I believe the time of pregnancy and becoming parents might be challenging for most of relationships. Some of them switching to the "we're parents now" mode easier, but some needing some amount of additional effort.

@selfdisciplinedMelon5895

I would strongly encourage you to start a new venture as your nature calls for, but why change partner? 

You yourself said that the sex itself is great, find new foreplay ideas, new toys maybe, new positions, keep fresh but dont jeopardize your marriage, life, and especially your kids. 

This is coming from someone who's married to my first love for 10 years, opened many new ventures and still not bored 

@selfdisciplinedMelon5895

I think this is completely common. What is it about the lead up to sex that you dread?

I actually very much disagree with the last few comments because going on a public chat you found a spark. You can use that to your advantage. I am not saying it’s right but sometimes people need to discover things they are unaware of. I would explore what it was about talking to others that made you feel a spark.