Rambling, unsure what I'm doing, scared to post this.
Hello, I'm not really sure who this is directed to. I just joined and I'm very confused about this app. But I guess I just feel like I should I talk about my day. I struggle with severe body image issues, poor self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness.
My day started out really nice. It's been a really tough week, but today I got up in time to shower before work and do my hair, my skin has been pretty clear lately, and I've been really consistent getting back into weightlifting after kind of taking the summer off. I felt unusually almost comfortable with myself today.
When I got home, my insecurities were triggered by something so small and it threw me into a pit of dispair so quickly. And I just lost it. Lately, every few days this happens, and it takes more days to climb back out of this pit, only to fall right back in. I feel exhausted. It's the tiniest things that will trigger me, but when it happens it feels like a mountain is coming down on me. I'm so tired of digging myself out of the rubble.
So I just broke down, and ugly-sobbed, with really awful thoughts about myself flooding my head. I wanted to scream because I'm just so tired of it. I don't want to think these horrible things about myself that I've been thinking for years and years. I don't want to be drowning in these thoughts of self-hatred and worthlessness and I don't want to constantly be plagued with thoughts about my body, I just want to feel normal. I want to go one day, one hour without wondering if I look good enough, if people think I'm attractive or ugly, wondering what I even look like. I'm not religious but I cried to god for someone to just please help me. I can't take it anymore I feel like I am crumbling into dust.
I forced myself to do my workout. I knew it would help and it did. I'm really glad I did. While I was working out, I remembered that someone mentioned 7cups on another site. So I looked it up and here I am.
I finished my workout, showered and ate a big dinner. I am feeling a bit more stable now. I also feel too tired to entertain my negative thoughts right now.
All in all, this is a pretty usual day for me. Feel ok for a bit, spiral into darkness, tire myself out mentally, emotionally and physically, go to bed.
I've been off social media for a few years, I was just using one other site but I keep running into content that triggers me. So I'm going to delete it now, and I'll just have this app. I hope I can figure out how to use it. I hope it's ok to just let this out here. I don't know what I'm doing.
Can someone please let me know if there is better place to post something like this. I don't understand what the communities are, or forums, or if this is appropriate to post, I don't really know how any of this works I am very confused :(
@sunlight1991
Hiii thereee, I'm really sorry you're feeling this say. It's great that you share your thoughts and struggles here, it takes a lot of courage to reach out.
Sounds like you've been dealing a tons of emotional pain and self-doubts there, and I'm sorry. That must be a lot of burden to carry.
It's really tough when small triggers can send us into a spiral, I can imagine it must exhausting to constantly fight those negative thoughts.
I'm glad that you found our little corner of the internet here in 7cups. Reaching out here is a positive step, and I hope you find the support you need here.
It's okay not to have all the answers right now; you've done done a great step of reaching out and seeking support.
You don't have to face these all struggles alone. Take things one step at a time and be gentle with yourself.
You've got a whole community here to support you.
Best wishes 💜
@HachiBee thanks for the thoughtful reply. I'm not sure what to say right now but I appreciate reading your kind words
@sunlight1991
That's okay 🤗 I hope you're feeling better now since this post 💜
@sunlight1991 hiii sweetie I'm lola ❤welcome to our cups family. Dw I always struggle with where to write forum posts. I also only use 7 cups ❤ and my days are spent similar to yours, so your not alone ❤❤ we have many great listeners here, happy and ready to help you, and the group chat rooms are a great way to unload and make friends. Good luck ❤
@Tinywhisper11 thanks for the kindness
@sunlight1991 huggs you ❤
Hey @sunlight1991 - welcome to 7 Cups. I can hear that things are really tough for you right now. Sounds like a rollercoaster of emotions. Its great that you've come to 7 Cups to try things out and I hope that you can find some help or comfort here.
First off, there is no wrong way to use the app/website! You can post in any forum you like and posting this in the newbies section is a great starting point. Things that you might like to try include some self reflection exercises (we call this the growth path - and you can browse for a path that feels most helpful to you, chatting with a listener (trained listeners are available 24/7 to listen and ask questions that help you explore your emotions and feelings), completing a mental health assessment (you need to go to the website for this) or sharing in the sharing circle (this is a facilitated group chat where you can share how your day is going for 7 mins). Also worth noting that we have therapists on site that you can subscribe to - you can also contact them by posting in the 7 Cups online therapy forum.
Now that the explainer is out the way (I hope that was helpful), I wanted to say that it sounds like you have some triggers that lead to this happening for you. Do you want to spend some time thinking about what they may be and sharing them here (or privately with a listener)?
@Jon7Cups this was very helpful, thank you so much for taking the time to explain. I've just been kind of lurking here over the weekend trying to get a feel for everything and understand how it works. I haven't tried a group chat yet, I feel a bit nervous I guess and waiting until I have more than a couple minutes to dedicate some time to it.
Today I will spend time thinking about the things that cause my mind to spiral. I am ashamed to admit what they are to my loved ones and so I've never talked about them. I'll try to write about it somewhere here.
@sunlight1991Body image issues and insecurities are bad if you let them get bad. Also overuse of phone and doing too much screen time even television is bad to. Sometimes just getting out of your head is good like going to a movie theater during the daytime and seeing a light-hearted movie nothing too serious. Check out the reviews that they give so that you're going to a movie that's highly rated that way you're looking at Motion Pictures and stories that are good. Sometimes getting into a fiction novel is good by going to Barnes & Noble and flipping through books. Barnes & Noble is always good because there's a cafe in there as well as a lot of books. You can get yourself to a church just for one visit if you're not religious then you can just sit in for one visit on Sunday morning. It feels good knowing that even though other people don't accept you, that God will accept you. And that should raise your confidence level and help you to go through life. When you get out of church it's fun to go get lunch from somewhere new. You might feel like a brand new person you might feel like you're having a really good day. And then also coming on here to volunteer to be a listener is good too because you realize that you're not the only one with this problem. There are people that come on here to talk about things that they can't talk about with other people.
