Idk man

Hello. I just joined today and I’ve been struggling recently in my relationship. And in my life. From past events I’ve never taken care of.

how I view myself

my happiness

my partner’s happiness

forgiving

being forgiven

it’s a long story and I still feel awkward going for advice.

my whole life I kinda went through whatever I was going through alone. I refused to go to therapy. Or to get any sort of medication. Don’t get me wrong. I believe it works and there’s nothing wrong with it. I know a lot of people who need it and I think it’s okay.

I just did it for so long. I always figured. I can get through it. I can get through it.

I watched my cousin get shot and nearly die in the back of a truck. When I told my best friend. Someone I considered a brother. My best friend said “damn. ****** wildin, do you wanna hop on and play destiny” a video game….. this was when he called me at 2 am. I had been riding my dirtbike and when he called I snapped out of it. I had no clue where I was. I was just driving on the road for hours. Replaying the day in my head. At that time I didn’t know if my little cousin would even make it out of the hospital.

I slowly lost every friend I had. I didn’t talk to anyone. There was a point. All I did was work. Come home. Pace around my room listening to music and then sleep. I stopped playing video games. I stopped doing all my hobbies. I ate the same thing everyday. And was noticing the amount I was eating was getting shorter. But I was getting fuller.

there’s a lot more. Just want to give a run down of a couple things.

then the relationship. I can’t look past things that have happened. I know I should. But I feel I’m not getting the same treatment I put in. I know I can be a pain

But I also think I’ve done good. I don’t want to share too much on a public forum. I would like to talk one on one with someone about it. I think it’s very personal and I would like a girls point of view on the relationship.