Having a rough day
Hello everyone, having a rough day today and just needed a place to vent and get my thoughts out.
Have you ever experienced that phenomenon when something can go wrong, it seems like it ALL goes wrong at the same time? Well, today is one of those days.
Some background on me: I have depression and anxiety largely related to all the health issues surrounding my family. My mother has a terminal illness and two of my uncles were also diagnosed with terminal illnesses last year. My family is small, and losing them will essentially cut the number of my family by half. Everyone has been doing relatively okay for now but I constantly feel as if I'm walking on eggshells, on borrowed time, before the inevitable occurs. My mother is already on her last line of treatment so every day my mind keeps circling around those dark depressive thoughts of how long is her current treatment going to last before it fails? Things of that nature. I am also her sole caretaker and I also try to help my uncles as they don't have children of their own to help them. It's a lot of responsibilities and stress, I fear too much for one person, that it's really been affecting my mental health. Nighttimes are the worst. I would feel decently okay during the daytime but as soon as night starts to fall, especially during bedtime, the worst thoughts invade my mind and I turn into one giant ball of worry, anxiety, and tears. Crying at least once before falling asleep has become routine. I have only a handful of friends I can talk to about my issues, but their lives are so much better and happier compared to mine, that it makes me feel even worse when I bombard them with my own issues.
I also have my own physical health problems, which leads me here today. I've always had issues with my teeth but recently I've been having some sensitivity in an area. I used a mirror to try and take a peak to see if anything seemed out of the ordinary and lo and behold, I spy a tiny little dark line running down one of my tooth. My gut is telling me it's a fracture. From what I've read, being overly stressed can cause you to clench and grind your teeth in your sleep, leading to damage and fractures, and God knows I've been stressed out of my mind with everything going on. Now I'm stressing out even more at the possibility of needing to have that tooth entirely replaced, and I don't have the money for an implant.
It's just been one bad thing after another. I feel so worn out like the world has been beating me down every chance it gets, and I just need a break already. Please.
@Rykiel Thank you for reaching out and sharing what you're going through. It sounds like you're carrying an immense amount of emotional and physical burden, and it's completely understandable that it's taking a toll on your mental health.
Dealing with the health issues of your loved ones, especially when they are terminal, can be incredibly challenging and overwhelming. The constant worry and anticipation of what the future holds can be emotionally draining. It's important to acknowledge that you're shouldering a lot of responsibilities and stress as the sole caretaker for your mother and providing support for your uncles.
The nighttime can often exacerbate our worries and anxieties, making it difficult to find peace and sleep. It's common for negative thoughts to intensify during those quiet hours. It might be helpful to explore relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing exercises or meditation, to help calm your mind before bedtime. Creating a bedtime routine that promotes relaxation can also be beneficial.
Having a small support network of friends to talk to is valuable, but it's also important to remember that they care about you and want to be there for you. Sharing your struggles and seeking their support doesn't mean you're burdening them. They may not fully understand your situation, but true friends will empathize and provide a listening ear.
Regarding your physical health problems, the discovery of a potential tooth fracture can understandably add to your stress and worries. It might be beneficial to schedule a dental appointment to have it evaluated by a professional. They can provide you with a proper diagnosis and discuss the available treatment options that suit your financial situation.
Remember, it's okay to feel worn out and overwhelmed by the challenges life throws at you. Seeking support, whether it's from friends, a therapist, or online communities, can help alleviate some of the burdens you're carrying. Taking care of your own well-being is important, even amidst the responsibilities you have.
Please know that you're not alone in this. Reach out whenever you need to talk or vent. We're here to listen and support you through these tough times. Take care ❤️
