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Rykiel
287 M Embraced 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts15 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2023 Member sinceJuly 1, 2023
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love and peace

Recent forum posts
Having a rough day
Newbie Hub / by Rykiel
Last post
 July 15th, 2023
...See more Hello everyone, having a rough day today and just needed a place to vent and get my thoughts out. Have you ever experienced that phenomenon when something can go wrong, it seems like it ALL goes wrong at the same time? Well, today is one of those days. Some background on me: I have depression and anxiety largely related to all the health issues surrounding my family. My mother has a terminal illness and two of my uncles were also diagnosed with terminal illnesses last year. My family is small, and losing them will essentially cut the number of my family by half. Everyone has been doing relatively okay for now but I constantly feel as if I'm walking on eggshells, on borrowed time, before the inevitable occurs. My mother is already on her last line of treatment so every day my mind keeps circling around those dark depressive thoughts of how long is her current treatment going to last before it fails? Things of that nature. I am also her sole caretaker and I also try to help my uncles as they don't have children of their own to help them. It's a lot of responsibilities and stress, I fear too much for one person, that it's really been affecting my mental health. Nighttimes are the worst. I would feel decently okay during the daytime but as soon as night starts to fall, especially during bedtime, the worst thoughts invade my mind and I turn into one giant ball of worry, anxiety, and tears. Crying at least once before falling asleep has become routine. I have only a handful of friends I can talk to about my issues, but their lives are so much better and happier compared to mine, that it makes me feel even worse when I bombard them with my own issues. I also have my own physical health problems, which leads me here today. I've always had issues with my teeth but recently I've been having some sensitivity in an area. I used a mirror to try and take a peak to see if anything seemed out of the ordinary and lo and behold, I spy a tiny little dark line running down one of my tooth. My gut is telling me it's a fracture. From what I've read, being overly stressed can cause you to clench and grind your teeth in your sleep, leading to damage and fractures, and God knows I've been stressed out of my mind with everything going on. Now I'm stressing out even more at the possibility of needing to have that tooth entirely replaced, and I don't have the money for an implant. It's just been one bad thing after another. I feel so worn out like the world has been beating me down every chance it gets, and I just need a break already. Please.
Ups and downs; today was a down
Anxiety Support / by Rykiel
Last post
 July 14th, 2023
...See more Hello, The last few days have actually been okay, considering all that's been going on in my life until today. Mom's got a terminal illness, a few of her siblings also have terminal illnesses, and I've got my own health problems. On top of that, I've been feeling stuck in life and not progressing the way I should be, the way my peers have. I find myself frequently comparing how bad my life is to theirs, which gives me so much anxiety knowing I have to continue to deal with this for however long. Today, what was supposed to be a simple doctor's visit ended up triggering a wave of anxiety and that ultimately led me down my usual rabbit hole of dark, depressive, anxious thoughts at night. About my family, about myself, about the future. It feels as if myself and my whole family are just living on borrowed time until we hit rock bottom. Just thinking about the things I have yet to accomplish and what I will eventually have to face keeps me awake at night. I'm in limbo right now and I feel like I can't get out of it. Some words of encouragement would certainly be nice right about now 😔
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