A new phase!
Hello All,
As much as I am excited to begin a new chapter of my life. The past weighs in on me a little bit. I called off my wedding a month back. Though I loved my ex, he was emotionally abusive. As days go by, I heal bit by bit. The relief that comes from leaving a toxic situation is definitely something I feel almost everyday. But the thing is Laziness and distraction comes along with it. I want to study for an exam that's coming up to work for my passion. I am glad I have the freedom and time now. But any thoughts on getting through this but at the same time be productive without being lazy all day without distractions? 7 Cups has definitely helped me through it. I feel what the picture depicts all day long - to sleep in and be cozy...
@gwen03 so proud of you for getting out of a abusive relationship ❤❤ it's only been a month it's early days, don't push yourself to hard, let yourself go through the emotions, just breath cause you finally can. Your free now and that's a huge thing ❤❤ just take it day by day, set little goals but also some fun time ❤ gives you a giant xmassy tiny hug ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11 Thank you so much for your kind words and support ❤️ It means the world to me. I’m taking things one day at a time, and your reminder to breathe and feel my emotions really helps. I’m starting to realize what freedom feels like, and it’s definitely a huge shift. I’ll focus on small goals and making time for myself, too. Your hug really brightened my day—sending one right back to you! 🫶🎄
@beautifulApricot merry Christmas sweetie ❤ enjoy the holidays ❤
Hey Gwen,
I can understand your desire to pursue your work, etc, but I hope you can take time that you need to rest too. After being in an emotionally abusive relationship it could he that your mind and body are adjusting and perhaps are relaxing a little after so much negative energy or being on high alert. I hope you can find a good balance between rest and work. Don't beat yourself up if you need to rest. Drift
@Drifterbynature Thank you so much for your thoughtful words and care ❤️ You’re absolutely right—it’s been a huge adjustment, and I can feel my body and mind starting to relax after being on constant alert. I’m definitely trying to find that balance between resting and staying productive, but it’s a process. I won’t beat myself up, and I’ll take your advice to heart. Thank you for reminding me to give myself grace. It really helps to know I’m not alone in this. 🌸
Hi Drifterbynatute,
I have a question, how did you Assess you were in an emotionally abusive relationship and how did you distinguish that’s it’s not love?
@honestSpruce1719
Hi Honest,
I became very mentally and emotionally unwell, which was one of the signs that something was wrong. But then I went online and was typing in symptoms that I was experiencing and came across 2 Psychologists on YouTube who treat male victims of "Narcissistic" &/or "Borderlinr Personality Disordered" women. Which works both ways, with men as the abusers obviously. But it was these phycholists that made me realise for the first time that I was actually a "victim of domestic abuse/violence" and it was like they were describing my ex exactly. THAT is when I realised that I was "in an emotionally abusive relationship". I was like... 1. I'm not a victim... and 2. Abuse? By a woman? But I'm a guy and she doesn't pose any threat to me as a woman. But... I came to understand about "Covert Narcissistic Abuse". Which is where the abuse is so subtle that you don't even recognise it. And one thing I learned was that it doesn't matter how much you love someone, or how many times you leave and go back, if you don't leave and go "No Contact" you will stay in a world of pain and despair. I didn't expect to share that much, but because you reached out I wanted to offer some of my experience in the hope that it may help you or someone you know who is struggling with that in your life. And part of the reason it is so hard to detect, is because one minute they'll be all loving and caring and compassionate, but it's not real, it's like a mask those types of people wear (by no means am I saying anyone with Borderline Personality Disorder - rather "Covert Narcissists". But I found in my case that from those videos I learnt that she fitted every part of Borderline Personality Disorder. Which helped me understand more about what I was dealing with. And even trying to help her, when she apologised. The apologies weren't genuine. And they only helped continue the abuse. Because they often target people that are loving, trusting and empathetic, and that's what they take advantage of, your good nature and willingness to love and forgive. If you find someone like this... RUN!! They are not worth it. If you wanna ask anything else, please msg. Take care, Drift 💪
@honestSpruce1719
Sorry to answer the other part of your question... "How did you distinguish that it's not love?"
I think people like that can love you, but that real love doesn't consist of repeat offences. Where your partner is choosing harsh words, is abusing alcohol and becoming violent, tries to "gaslight" you into believing that they didn't say something hurtful and that you just took it the wrong way. I don't believe that person was without love for me. But her nature to cause destruction in my life in extremely harmful ways proved that she was incapable of real love. Because if you really love someone you don't try to hurt them or continue to hurt them and reject them to stay. They are very "toxic" individuals. And regardless of whether they are drunk or high, when there's a pattern of abusive/hurtful behaviour then they have a serious problem. And if you stay, so do you. As I found out. Hope that helps. Drift 💪
The picture looks cozy and full of rest and self love. If that’s what you need right now give yourself the time and know the test will be there later.
after so long of an unhealthy relationship your mind needs to reset.
Maybe give your self a timelime for the test and give yourself a time every day to sleep and then a time to get up.
find balance, allow rest and then at a certain tome get up.
Make a daily lost of what needs to get done.
loving yourself is the most important thing, congrats on ending the relationship and doing such a hard thing
@Stormythecat I love the idea of setting a timeline and creating structure with time for rest and sleep. It’s been such a journey, and I’m really trying to be gentle with myself as I heal and adjust.❤️ I’m so grateful for your encouragement and kindness through all of this. 🌟
Congrats on being so brave and puting your needs first.
I love the image, probably because I can relate to it, I feel like I need the same thing right now :)
@Aputik Thank you💜! Oh I really hope you take the time for yourself too. Sending virtual hugs!
Thank you!
Hey (:! I hope you're feeling better. 💜
I don't know how this website works exactly when it comes to talking or sharing my experience here in the comments or only in DMs, but I would like to say that leaving a relationship that's gone as far as marriage is probably one of the hardest thing to do specially if you love the other person still but they gave you no other choice than taking this decision of leaving.
I have lived a similar experience with my gf, I was the one leaving while still having feelings and it was hard. It's been few months for me since the breakup, having other problems makes this much worse. And the sacrifices made in the relationship for an extended period of time kinda fuels sadness and regret of having a worse life than a better life because of a relationship. if the relationship made your life more difficult and made it difficult to work/study/workout or pursue goals (which is definitely not the goal of a relationship at all) it feels even harder to cope.
But, leaving is much better than extending the hurt/abuse period. What is exactly the reason for being in a relationship? I'd say support, growing with the other person, feeling the good feelings love bring.
From my experience, toxic people just feed off our energy, we feel drained, and a lack of energy almost all of the time. Seeing the other person becoming better on our behalf somehow, which can drive us crazy, leaves us asking is it me the problem?
it feels to me and I could be wrong that the other person's never ending arguments over everything and constant false accusations are due to their emptiness inside, so they try to bring us down too if we're maybe achievement-oriented? or goals-oriented and they're being insecure they're not doing anything with their life same as others, but we don't really force anything on them or make them feel bad for anything, they feel this way automatically then they take it on others. (At least this was my experience and opinion)
I'm sorry if the message is long, I just wanted to share part of my experience maybe it could resonate
Oh I’m so sorry you went through an experience so similar to mine. Constant accusations and arguments is something I never expected from the relationship too. I appreciate you for having left the relationship. It truly takes all the strength there is. The constant criticism is something no one should be living with. At the end of the day, love is supposed to feel breezy light and kind right?
They say love is selfless and kind. And if it doesn’t feel like it, then it’s abuse in the name of love. I am so glad you shared your story. And I wish you the best ❤️