Some pretty extreme bullying

I had a "friend" when I was a kid, age 5-7 or so, but I don't even know what to make of it all today. He lived two houses down, and we had the same classes, so we used to hang out. Sometimes it would be fun, but mostly, it really wasn't. He reminded me of Shredder from the original Ninja Turtles cartoon, because he had an evil scheme everyday and never ran out of ideas. Usually it would involve him spending a long time to convince me to do something with him that could get us in trouble. Other times, it was worse. One time he stabbed himself with a toy and convinced me he was dead and I ended up calling emergency. One time, he had a capgun and started shooting at me... I didn't even know those existed, and while I was crying and begging for my life, he held it to my head and said "you breathe, you die.". Also, he was in karate and loved to lock me in a room and try to make me defend myself while he proceeded to beat me up. This must've happened about 20 times, and I'd be crying and refusing to defend myself. One time I finally snapped and caught him off guard... I almost put him in the hospital. It was even worse sometimes... He'd want me to destroy anything in my room that looked remotely sentimental. Also, I was a weird nerdy kid that knew the capital of every state and country and what the flags looked like. Grownups would quiz me, until he somehow talked me into purposely answering wrong. Somehow, that was the worst thing. I also remember that when I'd stay the night, he'd be sleeping in a king sized bed that looked like it was made for royalty, while I was given a floor pallet with the most uncomfortable Daffy Duck pillow imaginable. We dropped off contact eventually, but we met up around age 21 to go drinking. He ditched me far from home without a ride after an hour.

Anyway, I can't pretend to know how it all effects me to this day. I know that bullying tends to make me project my voice and tell people off to the point that they get scared. If I don't do that, I have a tendency to beat the physically crap out of myself. I've lessened both of those reactions considerably this year, but it never really goes away. I also notice that i can pretty easily sense people's character, and I keep pretty much everyone in the corner of my eye regardless. If something unexpected comes up with someone that isn't good, I tend to spiral and overgeneralize their reaction to feel like everyone probably feels that way about me.

Anyways, I don't know what my point is. I don't have specific questions, but I felt like I should share. I might get something from it and so might someone else.