life man..

TW// CSA, SA (pretty bad in mentioning),  eating issues

Recently i went through a very difficult situation that left me a complete wreck incapable of eating or sleeping properly for a long time. on the day it happened, the only person in the house was my moms ex boyfriend, who was her ex at this time but we didn't have a place to stay (we have since moved out, its been about a month), because he was the only one at home, i ran to him and started sobbing because i just could not be alone in that moment. we spent the rest of the day together, but heres the problem.. He's been molesting me since i was 15 (i'm 18 now, about to be 19), and i've made an effort not to be alone with him for longer than i have to, and it turns out i was smart in doing that. When he thought i was falling asleep, and then later on was asleep, he started doing stuff to me twice, and attempted to have s/x with me. Keep in mind he's almost 50. this *** me up so much i vomited when he left, and it triggered my other issues since i'm a csa survivor thats been struggling to cope with the trauma for years. the last time i tried to speak up against him, i was told i was ruining his life and that i *** up cos i mentioned online what happened on one of the first majorly concerning incidents. i've been too afraid to say anything since then, and i'm sure i wouldn't be believed anyway. i've been needing to deal with this *** for years on my own, and now i do not have anyone i can even talk to about this so thats why this post exists 

PS. Stay safe, please. Someone out there loves you