i dont ever want to tell anybody about it. is that okay?
trigger warning obviously, im too tired to filter myself.
i was assulted over a period of five years by a boy a couple years older than me when i was six. it happened frequently, and i hated it, but i didnt tell anyone because when kids used to hurt me and i went home bleeding or something, i got in trouble for "havinh bad friends". as he got older he stopped, and we didnt talk about it. he's close with my family and friends, and he seems to act like it never happened. he kinda vaguely apologized sorta maybe, it was really inspecific but i feel like he was trying? it doesnt really matter. i dont ever want to talk to anyone about it, pretty much as long ad i live, but is that OK? alot of people have been talking about it recently and any time something near the subject comes up everyone is very REPORT THEM and idk why. he's still kinda physical, like just placing his hand places he doesnt touch other people, or like if a large group is on the couch he always ends up pushed up close to me, and it makes me kinda panicky. i dont want to say anything, but people act like that's wrong? i just wish i could forget it ever happened.
@RaspberryRiver
I can understand not wanting to speak about it. What you went through, it is not easy and I imagine even writing it was hard, I cannot imagine how much harder it would be to have it verbalized out loud. Speaking it out loud makes it real. Making it real can be hard. And you're not in the wrong for never wanting to talk about it. It is your choice what you do. Just remember to take care of yourself. This trauma does not just go away for you but you can make yourself more comfortable in your life. Hugs if okay.
@SouthernFlame thanks for the support. im really, really afraid of what would happen if people knew. maybe i can come clean one day. when im older. and more stable.
@RaspberryRiver
Hugs! You can talk about it whenever you are ready!