Seeing a therapist, ?PTSD
I have started seeing a therapist for the first time, even though my assault was 10 years ago. I have buried it all that time and she thinks I may have PTSD/RTS which is all sort of coming out now after years of repression. I'm not sure how to process that....
@bean151
I know how hard it can be. I went through the same thing. 
It will take time to process that is for sure. I am so glad you have reached out to a therapist. They really do help. Most people think they can't but they can. I hope that you find healing and some peace through therapy because you deserve it
@bean151 Hey Bean, glad to have you here with us and please feel free to reach out to someone to talk to if you need. I hope you can find some good support here, as its a really supportive community who tend to look out for one another.
How do you feel about seeing a therapist? A lot of people struggle in acceptng help and Im glad that you have felt able to reach out to someone to help you begin the process of working through the experience you had 10yrs ago. When things are really painful, it is quite common for people to suppress or repress experiences, just so that they can carry on and function but most times, because it remains undealt with, the way in which it can affect you begins to seep through into everyday life. Just try and go with things for now. Processing will take time, try and just feel safe with your therapist and begin to build a good rapport with them, whereby you feel trusting of them and safe to begin processing and working through your experiences. Im sorry you went through an assault but am glad you now have someone to support you.
Thanks, I am ok seeing a therapist I think she knows her stuff and it's going to help. Just feels odd after all this time.
@bean151 Im glad that you feel okay with your therapist and hope you have found someone as you said, who knows her stuff, as I think thats important for you to know. I expect it does feel strange, weird, odd etc after all this time of repressing your experience to now have to face it and work through it. Its not uncommon for people to shut away experiences that they just cant or are not able to deal with at the time. Often the mind only gives us what it deems we are capable of coping with and perhaps now for whatever reasons, was the time. Do you know what caused all of this to surface for you, was there a specific trigger or event that led to all of this surfacing?
@dancingRainbow45 I don't know what triggered it, there have been some moments that might have triggered like invasive fertility tests a traumatic miscarriage that had me slipping unconscious whilst a doc had his hands.....up there.... trying to stop he bleeding, and a complicated birth...... but these were a few years ago too. The therapist thinks that it's because I am happy and settled and feel safe and my brain sort of thinks I am ready to process it now
@dancingRainbow45 I have an unhealthy relationship with sex though, I put sex away in the box when I put the rape in there..... not sure if that makes sense, but it means I don't really know the difference. I avoid sex and intimacy as it makes me feel grubby and guilty. I want to fix that as it is effecting my relationship with my husband and I want to save that
@bean151 It sounds from your posts that you have had a lot to deal with - fertility tests, a miscarriage, which must have been very traumatic for you and I am sorry you had to go through this. I hope you were able to get support you needed during this time. Your therapist could be right too, that you are in a safer place emotionally to be ready to deal with this. Often its when we have the space to deal with things, that the mind decides the time is right.
When someone has suffered abuse, assault etc its not uncommon for them to have confusion around sex, especially if what they went through was a sexual assault/rape. To a survivor sex is the same thing as the assault, at least in the physical sense. Whats different is the intention behind the action but that can be really hard for a Survivor to cope with until they have worked on the original trauma that has caused them to feel repulsed or dirty etc as a result of the abusive sexual act. Perhaps this is something in your therapy, that your therapist will be able to begin to help you with, especially if as you say you wish to work on it as its affecting your relationship.
@dancingRainbow45 I had no support our counselling before through fertility and miscarriage just got on with it
Has anyone else found that going to therapy sort of opens up old wounds....I feel like I can't concentrate, i'm getting flashbacks, i can't sleep....grr.
I know it will all be worth it in the end though
@bean151 Therapy does bring up feelings and memories for some people and it an be tough going getting in touch with how your experience has affected you. It may be worth talking to your therapist about how to manage flashbacks and to get them to work with you on stabilisation, learning grounding techniques, relaxation and deep breathing exercises to cope more effectively should flashbacks occur or very difficult emotionla feelings. Sometimes things tend to get worse before they get better and its a process that if you can ride through it, will feel very differently for you in the end. When you have ignored, repressed, suppressed memories or feelings and just tried to carry on with life, it can feel quite overwhelming when you take the time to work through the traumatic experiences you have had. Often it can feel as though your reliving things all over again. But you have already survived the worst and although it can feel really hard, you have a strength within you that got you through the original trauma. I know it may not always feel that way, but you are strong to have gone through what you have
@bean151 That can definitely happen, unfortunately. You can bring this up with your therapist & they should be able to spend some time focusing on coping skills you can use when memories come up or triggers happen.