I don't know how to feel about this
Everything feels wrong today. I'm nauseated
Today, my classmate opened up how an older man had grabbed his hand to pull him into a toilet stall in a public toilet after staring at him creepily. My classmate had slapped the man and ran off. He said he was terrified and a little traumatised, and now he's scared to go into public toilets alone. Would you believe that all of his close friends laughed? I couldn't. I sat there trying to process what I'd just heard while several boys laughed and laughed
I wish I'd said something. Instead I sat there in silence. What just happened? One of the boys even joked that my classmate had just gotten a haircut then, so he looked more like a young teen than a young adult. How is that supposed to be funny? You're telling me that there was an older man out there dragging young boys into toilets? Young boys
If I could go back I would have told them. Some boys don't get to run away. Some boys aren't strong enough or tall enough to slap their aggressor away. Some kids don't escape. Some kids have to live with the violation for their entire lives. I would have reminded that boy who made that joke about his friend looking like a young teen that he had a little sister who was that age. Would it still be funny if she was the one who had been targetted? What about his youngest sister, who was in second grade? To him, it was just a hypothetical scenario, but to me it was reality. To me and millions of children around the world, this is what we were forced to go through. How could it possibly be funny?
I'm grateful that my teacher gave us an opportunity to talk about this today. He'd started the conversation by sharing his friend's close encounter, and he'd encouraged us to scream and get help if anything like that ever happened to us. But I can't get over this sick, sick feeling. I know I'll never confront those boys, because that would mean revealing a secret I've already resolved to take to the grave. But is it enough to hope that one day things will change? No, no it isn't
@honestpanda81
That sure is a very sensitive topic you have posted about. It ought to be talked about threadbare and not swept under the carpet whether it involves girls or boys who are grappled and abused. It's so commendable you are there for those who have to go through it. A special word for your teacher who took up the issue in the classroom. Kudos again to you for speaking up and out on this very crucial topic. 
Let's have more comments from others.
@honestpanda81 I've been struggling to find the right words. There are so many stereotypes for men and boys. People expect men and boys to be strong and tough and able to protect themselves. The boys and men that it happens to are embarrassed, afraid, ashamed. Similar to what you said in your last paragraph about taking it to the grave.
It's more common then people imagine and the estimates they have are most likely higher then what they say because men and boys don't talk about it. It's hardly ever reported. Many times it is swept under the rug which just adds to the feelings of shame.
It isn't just men who abuse boys. Women can and do abuse as well and many boys are told they should feel fortunate or lucky because now they're a "real man" but it often just adds to the confusion because people focus on the sexual aspect of it rather then the abuse. It impacts so much without proper help and support. The questions it causes within. The problems it causes later with intimacy and trust. I could go on and on but I find myself holding back because of my own shame.
No child, boy or girl, no adult, man or woman should ever have to go through this. The stigma's, the myths and the silence needs to stop.
I admire and respect you so much for writing this.
@mytwistedsoul
I know the struggle for the right words to express all the twisty feelings and thoughts - but you really brought out what I wanted to say perfectly. Thank you for putting it in words
I'm sorry that you had to go through this too. I'm glad we have a safe online platform like this, because I could never imagine saying those words out loud or really even looking another person in the eye after knowing what they've faced. I'm grateful for the people like you who make it a little easier to stay afloat
For ten years it was just me and my experience. I never said a word. I could live with it if it was just me. But it's not just us, is it? It's far too many, far too often, far too silently. But now we have communities like this, and more and more people are speaking up and taking a stand. I think I can hold onto that hope. I hope you can too. I respect and admire you for the compassion and sensitivity, the vulnerability and honesty that you have responded with. It means a whole lot to me
@honestpanda81
Oh my goodness, this is a subject that has not been so publicly addressed. I agree with all of you. I admire the courage it took to post this and I am so round that you spoke out. Life is hard enough without having to carry or fit in the mold of what society's views are on this subject. I myself who has been a victim of sexual assaults and violence as a female. Recognizing that this also happens to men and boys was a hard thing for me to wrap my head around until it happened to my Grandson. Even my husband has been violated by a female. They withheld this information so long that the perpetrator's escaped the law.
Great post and Great courage keep speaking out, many will be helped by this.
@scarletPear1945 ❤
@scarletPear1945
Thank you, Pear, that really means so much to me. Yes, it's really sad that many people don't know about these things beacuse it's something that they've never heard anyone talk about. I'm really sorry to hear that it's affected so many people in your life, and I hope that they're doing better now. Take care
@honestpanda81 Thank you. I'm sorry for what you've gone through and I hope that with time things get better for you, that they get better for everyone. I hope that your classmate doesn't let his friends reactions make him feel as though he has to be quiet about his experience. Hopefully with your teacher bringing up the topic it will help. Hopefully more people will find safe havens like this that they can come forward. To know that you're not alone, that you don't have to keep quiet out of shame or fear means so much. Like you, the words have never been said out loud, not even to the therapist. References have been but that's all.
Hold onto that hope Panda, hold on to it with all you have and I'll do the same. May other's find the strength and courage to step forward and take a stand. May they let their voices be heard.
Take good care of yourself.
