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Guilt, what happened to me isn't bad enough to warrant having ptsd triggers

Gumshoes July 14th, 2020

I always feel guilty that I get anxious or scared when this topic is brought up or mentioned. My old therapist told me I have PTSD "in a mental way?" whatever that means..
but I feel it's unwarranted. as I wasn't the one who was raped my sister was.

My dad raped my sister when she was 11, I was 10. I have very foggy memories of this. but I remember the drawings she made of it depicting it, I remember her reenacting it on me, pinning me down punching me. she would do this to me over and over.
I remember her trying to kill herself I remember him threatening to kill me. I remember him walking in on me while I was showering. but I wasn't the one who was raped. So I feel like I have nothing to be scared of

My father then proceeded to stalk us for 15 years
now despite living in a different state I'm terrified one day he'll just knock on my door because I still share his last name.

in middle-school I was groped and fondled by one of my female friends, upskirted in public
I was always terrified of sex and for the longest time I hated guys (until I met my current boyfriend)
Same for highschool only this time I started going to parties so those other girls were drunk, and guys started older guys would try to as well. including 2 homeless men who tried to grab me.
I would be in a constant state of feeling unsafe. my mom, since I was 11 years old would tell me and my sister that since we're pretty girls we were inherently unsafe

but I feel like all my panic and anxiety and my ptsd diagnosis has no validation. because I was never actually assaulted.

14
adventurousBranch3786 July 15th, 2020

@Gumshoes Hi. I don't believe that it is necessary to have been raped to be traumatised. I think that your reactions are valid.

4 replies
Gumshoes OP July 15th, 2020

@adventurousBranch3786

Gumshoes OP July 15th, 2020

@adventurousBranch3786

Gumshoes OP July 15th, 2020

@adventurousBranch3786 It like my brain knows this but it still doesn't feel that way if that makes sense
sometimes it feels like what happened to my sister was my fault and it should've been me.

I'm also sorry for the other 2 blank replies, idk what happened there.

1 reply
adventurousBranch3786 July 16th, 2020

@Gumshoes There are trauma related things that I have felt guilty for although intelectually I knew it was not my fault. So what you said does make sense to me. No worries about the blank posts,that happens to me also sometimes.

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