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Gumshoes
1,038 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 58 Compassion hearts52 Forum posts47 Forum upvotes51 Current upvotes51 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2023 Member sinceApril 7, 2017
Bio

I think my old account got deleted?

10 years in thereapy competed

Recent forum posts
Ive been lying to my family about who i am for years
Anxiety Support / by Gumshoes
Last post
 August 21st, 2023
...See more my family thinks I've been going to college and that I have a job and this November i go to visit them My old therapist said I lie as a defense mechanism but it weighs me down to lie But telling them that im disabled and cant work is a no go she'll disown me And idk what to do, do I tell her I dropped out of this non-existent school? I wish I could tell her about my actual situation but I've seen how she treats my mom and other people like me,, and I know I did this to myself. please don't be mean.
I keep making impulsive choices
ADHD Support / by Gumshoes
Last post
 April 29th, 2023
...See more I'm fairly certain it's my ADHD causing this (OCD doesn't cause mania im pretty sure) I keep making impulsive somewhat reckless choices lately one of which lost me $2000 i don't know how to explain it but when these decisions run through my head it's like I have to do them or I get SUPER anxious and I'm not sure what I should do how do I become more in control of my ADHD? I'm afraid of going on meds again
my bf wants me to go back to therapy
Autism Support / by Gumshoes
Last post
 April 29th, 2023
...See more please keep in mind this does not mean I'm cured in no way can I ever be cured I was in therapy for 10 years and I feel like I was at a good enough place to stop going and finally Cut to months later in not doing too hot, having manic episodes, and very recently wasting 2000 dollars that ill never get back See for me that's a learning experience and while yes I am VERY upset about that My boyfriend sees it more that I can't control my decision-making without some sort of guidance Which isn't how therapy works at all, therapists are trained not to make decisions for you And I really feel as If he's crossing some major boundaries by telling me to go back
everything is piling up
Anxiety Support / by Gumshoes
Last post
 June 26th, 2021
...See more there's too much happening, all of which could be fixed if I had just a little more money I'm disabled so I'm only allowed to have $2000 in my bank account before I get in trouble with the government (its fucked yea, they haven't updated it for inflation since 1976) I had planned on donating plasma to get some extra cash, because the money from that is on its own separate card so I'm technically getting paid under the table but I needed a state ID since I just moved to a new state last year. So I went to the DMV yesterday and it turns out my copy of my birth certificate is a copy. and I don't even own the real one? I wasn't born in America so getting my copy is going to take forever. I know how but I have to jump through hoops to get it. and that will take roughly 5 months apparently. I also got a call from Social Security just the other day and they want to do their annual "check if you're still disabled" despite me being born like this. And if I fuck up even one question, I have no pay anymore. All the money I have in savings was supposed to go for braces, and wisdom teeth and well now at this point I feel like that's not enough for how much the dentists around here want to charge. It would literally be cheaper to get a plane to Mexico and get my teeth fixed there then to pay for INSURANCE to do nothing and still pay 10,000 out of pocket which no one has. But if this situation gets worse my savings has to go straight to rent. and then I'll have nothing and I'm back at square one. idk there wasn't exactly a category for financial anxiety but I'm not having a panic attack and despite this being health-related I'm not sick or anything so I hope it's in the right category
Sertraline is aggravating my ADHD
Depression Support / by Gumshoes
Last post
 September 10th, 2020
...See more I just started depression medication for the first time ever, the side effects are awful I've been getting hypomania fits and my ADHD is just like always on. and it knocks me out for a full hour after I take it and I feel kinda high. I'm not sure if I should tell the doctor I want to switch medications since I haven't been it very long I don't like it, or even being on meds at all. I feel happy but also want to cry like there's a knot in my stomach but I'm laughing at everything. It's weird and I hate it. I haven't been able to eat and I keep just wandering around the house, zoning out. I'm getting more disassociation. I figure the pills would help stop that? and the worst one, is I haven't even been able to work properly because my ADHD has been going crazy since I started this medicine. I don't know if I'm allowed to ask to go off medicines so soon after taking them or if I should stick it out for a few more days.
Guilt, what happened to me isn't bad enough to warrant having ptsd triggers
Trauma Support / by Gumshoes
Last post
 July 19th, 2020
...See more I always feel guilty that I get anxious or scared when this topic is brought up or mentioned. My old therapist told me I have PTSD "in a mental way?" whatever that means.. but I feel it's unwarranted. as I wasn't the one who was raped my sister was. My dad raped my sister when she was 11, I was 10. I have very foggy memories of this. but I remember the drawings she made of it depicting it, I remember her reenacting it on me, pinning me down punching me. she would do this to me over and over. I remember her trying to kill herself I remember him threatening to kill me. I remember him walking in on me while I was showering. but I wasn't the one who was raped. So I feel like I have nothing to be scared of My father then proceeded to stalk us for 15 years now despite living in a different state I'm terrified one day he'll just knock on my door because I still share his last name. in middle-school I was groped and fondled by one of my female friends, upskirted in public I was always terrified of sex and for the longest time I hated guys (until I met my current boyfriend) Same for highschool only this time I started going to parties so those other girls were drunk, and guys started older guys would try to as well. including 2 homeless men who tried to grab me. I would be in a constant state of feeling unsafe. my mom, since I was 11 years old would tell me and my sister that since we're pretty girls we were inherently unsafe but I feel like all my panic and anxiety and my ptsd diagnosis has no validation. because I was never actually assaulted.
Dealing with anxiety by being angry and mad
Anxiety Support / by Gumshoes
Last post
 April 11th, 2020
...See more it always feels easier to deal with than crying although I know its unhealthy, in times like this it feels like I'm regressing to protect myself because I haven't seen a therapist in 3 years. I feel irrationally angry right now for having gotten woken up by my boyfriend's alarm this morning and when I ask what it was for his only reply was "you should know we talked about it yesterday" No I wouldn't ask if I did, I just woke up??? Apparently he was hanging out with a friend on discord and I love how I have to keep track of his plans for him. and now he's basically yelling into the mic to talk to his friend so I have to blast music to drown it out. I tried joining in one of their conversations only for my bf to completely shut me down I had the option to join their call yesterday, but last time I joined a call I was more anxious and didn't even talk so it felt pointless, his friend only even talks to him and hardly acknowledges me so I'm not missed. I wanted to relax more today before everyone got home, and we had to continue apartment hunting but I guess not. I know these sound really fucking petty, and it doesn't help that 7 cups doesn't have anger management dunno what else to do but vent anyone else deal with anxiety by getting mad?
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