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First sexual relationship since the trauma

Jflack324 December 13th, 2020

I was raped when I was 16. I've had a lot of intimacy problems and eroded many good things by not being able to be physical. But in April I met someone that I was confident and comfortable with and who made me feel safe. This was my first time having a real sexual relationship with anyone. However, over the summer she was admitted to a psych ward a couple of times. She came back in October. I talked to her about my experience. We then tried to get back into things but I broke down. I haven't heard from her since so I'm assuming it's over and she's moved on. How do I find someone who can put up with me? How do I open up about this without scaring people away? Will I ever be able to have a relationship if this is going to be an issue?

4
Asher December 16th, 2020

It can be tough to open up in this sense as it's thought to take in. It might have been they weren't ready to be that open with someone else or they thought you deserve better as well. Opening about something like this is tough and it can be a lot of processes. Overall, you did what you thought was right and communicate what has happened to you as well.

WelcomeToChat December 20th, 2020

@Jflack324

I would suggest that you look for people with common passions, and focus on friendship and love instead of worrying about sex. As some say "sex is overrated"...

In the context of a trusting, friendly, loving, lasting relationship, sex is a non-issue.

You have already taken a significant and valuable step for getting out of sex-phobia.

Now that you have taken such a great step, don't let sex-related concerns get in the way of building a lasting relationship with a good, loving person.

Then, everything will fall into place.

I wish you all the best in your life,

Marcelo.