Don't Know How to Process This

I was molested when I was five by a relative. After awhile, I managed to tell my parents, and it seemed as if though things were handled. I didn't understand what happened and it didn't hit me until I got a bit older. At that point, I figured it was over and dwelling on it would only cause more drama than I was up for. So, I thought I was ok and that I had moved on from it. Now, many years later, some things happened and I ended up having flashbacks. Growing up, there have also been a number of instances where my friends have told me about things that happened to them and I always gave a listening ear. However, I was furious inside and didn't know what to do about it. I always wanted to help. Now I worry about the people I care about. Are they ok? Did anything happen to them and could I protect them? Not only that but Im in a serious relationship and we talk about getting married and having kids. While I do see myself having one or two kids, Im also terrified. I can't be with them as they sit through school and what if something happens there? Who do I trust to watch them when I have to go to work? Should I put them in pre-school or just teach them myself? How can I be sure that what happened to me, as well as other people I know, won't happen to them? Do I really want to bring a new innocent life into this crazy dark world where people do that to other people, even children? It is that very thought that gives me anxiety and sometimes triggers a panic attack and it all infuriates me. Odd thing is, Im wondering why all this is happening now, many years after what happened. Its been about 20 years since. Then I start feeling like maybe there is somethng wrong with me and that this isn't normal.